I want to protect you but can’t
by evilace
Summary: GSD if Kira died in the battle with Athrun. Cagalli is captured and tortured for fun and Coordinators are wining against the naturals.
1. 1Through a broken house

I want to protect you but can't (part 1)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed or Destiny!

This is GSD if Kira died in the battle with Athrun. Cagalli is captured and tortured for fun and Coordinators are wining against the naturals.

NormalNormal

Past _Past (italicized)_

Thinking'thinking'

Talking"Talking"

Athrun walked through the dingy halls of the destroyed mansion. The sun shone through the battle torn roof and illuminated the dust as a thick cloud slowly moving through the air. Orb had fallen earlier that day, defeated by Zaft, it didn't matter that Orb was a neutral nation; all that mattered was that a large number of Naturals resided in the nation.

The truth of the matter was that the coordinators were winning and the naturals were getting cornered, meaning all they could do was take out as many Coordinators as they could even if it had meant taking out them in the process. This had meant many casualties on the Earth Alliances side. The alliance had been setting up Cyclops systems and luring Zaft into battle only to sacrifice the unsuspecting Naturals in order to cowardly kill Zaft soldiers. Athrun quickly remembered the situation that had occurred in Alaska and Joshua, how his Father had quickly organized and formed his unwavering following and supporters and quickly mobilized multiple strikes against the naturals of earth. Athrun had been promoted shortly after he had successfully defeated the strike and had killed one of the people most important to him. He could remember her eyes and how _she_ pleaded with him and asked him why. They haunted him, as if Kira had the same expression on his face as he was about to die, asking him why, he asked himself that question every day.

He continued to walk through the house in which the head representative of Orb was supposed to be living but only found a few corpses of the 'help', who had been crushed under falling debris, limbs smashed and bones protruding, one young maid even had her body twisted as if she had fallen from a building. Athrun ignored the putrid stench coming from the bodies as the heat of the day slowly began to bake their already sagging flesh; after all he was searching for someone. His gear was heavy as he slowly made his way up the stairs (he's wearing the suit he was wearing in the first episode when he attacked the Heliopolis base).

_When I hea__rd__ that we __were__ going to attack Orb I was shocked. Why such a __peaceful__ nation, they hadn't done anything and have been trying to __negotiate__ for months as __Zaft__ came closer and closer to their terr__itory. Golden __eyes had flashed in my __memory;__ I couldn't stand her being so sad. _

_Lacus was unset as__well but I st__ill couldn__'__t forget the girl from the island_

_My __Father had__ talked with Mr. __Clyne__ and Lacus one night when we had went out for dinner a few weeks after the__ death of two of my friends. I__ was supposed to be__ there for Lacus but__ since the incident all Lacus did was cry and not say a word to me. I have always liked __Lacus's__personality__ and I thought her to be a strong person but I could never Love her like I was supposed to , as much as I tried, I just __couldn't__ so when while Lacus cried I had don__e what I had always done and just __sat quietly like any soldier with __responsibilities__So there I sat, quietly by my Father waiting for the __Clyne's__ to arrive at the __overly__ priced__res__t__aurant__ in Plants._

_"__Seagle__, Lacus" My Father said as they arrived silently and took their seats __at the table, Lacus beside her F__ather._

_"Sir, Lacus" I said._

_Lacus never looked at us as she took her seat._

_"I'm sorry to request this meeting when you are so busy and all" Mr. __Clyne__ said with a small smile._

_"You did say that it was important and that the future generation was in danger."_

_"Yes I __did say that so I'll just get to the point then__, Lacus has been upset lately and I have noticed that Athrun has onl__y visited once." __Clyne__ said __with__out looking at me. _

_"Athrun do you have anything to say as to explain why you __haven't__consoled__ your __fiancé__?"__ My Father asked._

_"Sorry Sir__" I looked at Lacus but __her__ just __stared__ blankly ahead. _

_Si__egle__ continued, "In light of __Lacus's__ emotions__ I have come to the __realization__ that Athrun might not feel as if he loves Lacus the way he should love his finance" _

_He was __right;__ I mean all I__ could ever muster up was a ch__as__te kiss on her cheek, m__aybe a __H__aro__ every once in a while to keep her happy. _

_"__OF ALL THE NERVE, YOU COME HEAR__ AND ACCUSE MY SON OF SOMETHING AS REDICULUSE AS NOT LOVEING THAT __GIRL. "He__ yelled as he pointed at Lacus who moved her eyes __just enough__ to look at the accuser._

_My Father continued as he pointed at Lacus, "LOVE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING" he then got up and walked up the lacus. Before Mr. __Clyne__ had enough time t__o react it was already too late. My Father __had pulled__Lucus__ up by her hair, which by then Lacus was aware enough to yell and then Father smacked her har__d before letting her drop onto the__ floor. B__y then the waiter had re-entered our private room and asked,_

_"I__s the young lady ok?"_

_"Y__es she just fell off her __chair;__ we are done here, please put the wine we __ordered__ on our tab." Fathered said as he started to walk towards the door._

_I watched Lacus on the floor, sitting there with her legs under her knees. _

_"Cagalli" I breathed quietly under my b__r__eath as watched Lacus slowly look at me._

_"What did you say__" She questioned me quietly as my Father told me to follow him. I __didn't__ know what to do so I ju__st got up. I was going to help __Lacus up but she started to move away from me as I got up from my chair._

_"And by the way __Siegle__," my father added without turning his back, "the future generation shall __flourish__, especially with her daughter and my son."_

_"No" It just came out of my mouth a little louder than I would have liked but all t__he same I meant it. My Father did__n__'__t hear it but the __Clynes__' sure__ as hell__ did as I followed my Father, like I always do, my Father__ and never __my own judgement._

I realize now as I make my way through the rooms of the Atha mansion that if I had done as I thought right, Kira would still be here, Lacus's heart wouldn't have been lost and I wouldn't have nightmare's of the natural girls who's golden hair isn't stained red as her eyes look pleadingly at me as she cries out in pain.

'What will I do when I find her? It's not like I could take her with me and protect her. She probably wouldn't come with me even if I could help her; I just lead the attack on her own country, killing everything and everyone she had left. I could always just kill her, all I would have to do is shoot her in the head and I would never have to think of those eyes again, never have this weird feeling in my chest whenever I think about her. If I did that then I could keep going and live my life with my Father proud of me and Lacus by my side.'

As I walked down the hall way I noticed that the 'help' had gunshot wounds and not so many had been killed due to explosions, fire, or a crumbling building.

'What happened here?'

I opened the last door, the only door that had been closed and found a green girls room.

'Her room' I remember the colour of her underclothes, 'they were green.' I suddenly got an image of the young pilot clutching by bag of supplies to her chest as she said that she would bandage by side and I had mentioned that she should put some clothes on first. Hadn't she realised that when she pressed the bag to her body that it covered her in a way that it looks as if she didn't have any clothes on at all? But then again, he wasn't "looking that way." She looked so ashamed and she fell to the floor. That's when I realized that no matter what, I would never hurt her.

The room is empty. Had she stayed with her Father and the other Representatives'?

Athrun left the mansion a little bit mad and headed through the streets, pass screaming children in the corner of buildings as Zaft soldiers ripped them away from their dead relatives lying in the street. They also pulled some children away from live relatives just before shooting the older and rebellious parent in the back several times.

This was how the world was turning out, the younger, able children and young adults ages 5-20 were lead down the street to the area's where they could be held until they shipped them to plants and made servants. Yes this was the future of those few natural who survived some of their attacks or as his Father called it "preservation of their blue and pure world"

Athrun watched as some coordinators who lived in Orb, quickly explained who they were and that they just wanted to live peacefully. The Mother held her small son and her older boy clung onto her leg looking around him and silently crying. The Father was then pushed aside and called a traitor, they were then asked to follow the others back to plants where they could get there papers and resume life. The soldier laughed as the young family walked away. Athrun knew why, when those boys are old enough, the computers will automatically enlist them into the army and they will be forced to serve.

The sky darkened and the ash from the city lingered through the air.

The large war ship had been located just off the coast and had 1,500 more fighter ships and other large vessels behind it. 'Orb had no chance' Athrun thought as he boarded the Justice and flew back to the ship his Father was on. Athrun couldn't believe that his Father was going with them as they 'concurred earth' as he put it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't feel anything as I headed in the direction of the changing rooms.

'It's like I'm dead' I thought as I took off my suit and changed into the red uniform. The necklace I had been wearing was cold against my skin as I pulled it out and put it between my t-shirt under my uniform and my new white Zaft jacket.

'I just don't want you to die' she had said as she gave it to him.

I can't even cry.

I walked out of the change room and down the hall only to reach my door and then finally my bed. I just closed my eyes and fell into a nightmare ridden dream.

!!!!!!!!!!!In the nightmare and in the jail cells below the war vessel that Athrun's on'!!!!!!!

A girl about the age of 17 lie on her side on the concrete floor of her cell. Her hands were in front of her face lying on floor covered in bruises, her left wrist was sprained and the other, a bone fracture. Her night time clothes where torn and behind the material you could see the blue and purple marks. Her right ankle had also been broken and was swelling. Her now dull golden brown eyes were slightly open, one more than the other due to the bruises and marks along the right side of her face. The short golden hair was sprawled around her head and covered in the blood that was pouring out of shoulder wound. She was silently crying and trebling from the cold air and the lack of blood.

"Cagalli" Athrun whispered in his nightmare.

I hope you liked the first part! I was originally going to make this fanfic in three parts but after all is said and done, it looks like it's going to be way longer than that. I usually type over 2,000 words per part which is equal to 5-7 pages and some parts are longer. If you see any spelling mistakes or any discrepancy then please inform me. Also, don't flame me, if you do, I'll just ignore it and you will have wasted your time. However, constructive criticism is always welcomed!


	2. 2Mercy?

I want to protect you but can't (part2)

Ok, without further or do the next part!

It really didn't happen all too fast for Cagalli, in fact it had become unbearably slow and pain full. She had been with her Father when she heard the news of the Zaft attack force heading straight for Orb. The nation of Orb had been trying for quite some time now to negotiate with the Plants about this Natural extermination but to no avail. She had been waiting for an attack ever since, it was like torture, every night knowing that you could be woken from your sleep or every waking moment knowing that you might have to run for your life as shots and explosions are screaming overhead. Cagalli's Father had insisted that she stay away from head courters which she was opposed to from the beginning. She thought that she had a right to fight for her country and believes just as he did 'and just as Kira did too'. A compromise was made and she could only help out from a control room on certain days. However, this mattered little when the attack had finally come during the middle of the night.

...Cagalli pov...

It was a calm warm night when it all began. The first thing I noted was that for the end of September, the night should have been a lot colder. I couldn't help but feel like something was going to happen, almost like the calm before the storm and with this in mind I almost went to bed with all my clothes on just in case of an attack, but of course after five minutes of trying to go to sleep in what felt like a heater, I quickly changed into a spaghetti strap camisole and a pair of stretchy black Capri's (kinda like Jean Grey from x-men 3 when they first find her and hook her up to all those machines, except Cagalli has Capri's on).

The first noise I heard was actually small, almost like thunder but after wards people in buildings closest to the fist attack started to scream and then the sirens started. My ears were ringing the whole time so it was hard to tell where or how close the attacks were. It felt like an eternity but in reality it couldn't have been more than two seconds before an explosion had hit the house. I kept thinking why, are they here so quickly, I mean it would take a very long time to travel between where she guessed the first attack was located to the house.

'Was orb not fighting back?' Mera was the first to enter my room, telling me to hurry and get changed and supplies. I looked around and found my slippers but knew I needed something more than that. By the time I had made it over to my closet, it had become quieter around the area my house was located. Suddenly I heard a group of people burst through the downstairs door and hurry up the stairs in the direction of my father's room.

"He's not here, search the rest of the house" I heard some gunshots and screams of what I guessed were some of our maids and 'help'.

"Merna," I called to her frozen spot as I grabbed the slippers I had just seen and a grey wool sweater I had draped over a chair and put them on. The temperature had dropped significantly.

"Merna, hide in my bathroom in the towel closet and don't make a sound." I whispered and she moved across the room. I could hear the soldiers approaching fast.

"Lady Cagalli, you have to hide too, they'll use you against your Father if they capture you." Merna half sobbed.

"We have nothing for them to gain, we are just another stop on the way, don't you see, we're not fighting back!" Merna was now in the bathroom and closing the closet.

* * *

"I hear noises coming from the Princess's room." Just then the door was knocked off its hinges and entered my room. 

I don't remember much after they knocked me out but I do remember a part of the dream I had while I was out.

There were his green eyes, full of regret. He was so hurt, not physically but mentally. There was something else in his eyes too, which is why I felt that it wasn't a memory but more like something that will soon happen.

I woke in the middle of a familiar place, in fact in front of some faces I knew all too well.

"Father?" I asked.

"Cagalli... I'm sorry I have failed you"

I was now aware of my position on the floor. They had taken the sweater off me and had tied my hands behind my back. It was lying on my side in the middle of an open moble suit training area with my father and other members of the committee held at gunpoint as they kneeled one by one in row.

'exacution? Oh please no' I could feel my eyes start to water.

"So you surrender without a fight." said a man entering through the main door.

He was an older man, perhaps Father's age with greying hair and stress marks around his face. His eyes were so distant and cold.

"Head chair man Patrick Zala." I heard a soldier announce his name as he entered followed by even more soldiers and shady looking people.

"Chairman Zala, I am Lord Uzumi Nara Athha of Orb, but you already knew that."

"Yes and thank you for surrendering, it made my soldier's day more efficient." said Zala.

He then looked down at me and I looked up at him. Grey vs. Golden. Cold vs. Fire.

"Is this your Daughter?" he asked glancing at my Father who only replied yes.

A gun shot rang through the hollow ceiling and I suddenly found it hard to breath. A bullet pierced through and through the back of my right shoulder and out the front of my chest. No one said anything. Most of the soldiers found it amusing as I gasped for air, other younger ones just stood and watched. My Father and the chair members couldn't say anything, or do anything so they didn't; they only looked away in pain and sorrow.

"Don't worry Lord Uzumi, I'll take care of your Daughter, but not just yet," Patrick Zala then walked over and leaner over just enough so that the coordinator did not touch the natural and whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear, "I want to see her face as she watches the people she loves the most, the only people she has left in the world, die right before her eyes. I want to hear her scream to remind me of all the naturals that are in pain and who are paying for what they have done to us coordinators."

The pain in my arm and the loss of blood made me start to black out. I couldn't breathe anymore, let alone scream when a gunman started going down the lines shooting everyone in the head. Patrick Zala then ordered a soldier to grab my Father and bring us to individual holding cells.

I had never been so afraid in my life. When I was ship wrecked on the island with that Zaft soldier I have to admit I was scared at some points but for some reason I subconsciously knew that I wouldn't die, but now it was certain. 'I don't want anyone to die!' I felt someone lift me and then I blacked out for the second time that day.

...after the night mare...

Athrun woke in a cold sweat from his dream last night. He had seen Cagalli alive and hurt badly. He was upset by it. He had fallen asleep with his clothes on so he quickly tore them off and stepped into his shower. Afterward he decided to take a walk through the deserted ship just to calm down, maybe take a trip to the cells and ease his mind.

The takeover of Orb yesterday was easy so the soldiers decided to take a little well deserved break and have a few drinks in the lobbies and hangers. Athrun didn't feel like participating, and what discussed him the most was the captains and other important people were allowed to go to the naturals holding cell and pick some natural girl to have fun with. They were told to cut out there tongue or tape their mouths shut in order to shut them up and then everything else was fair game just as long as they disposed of the body before too long.

'If I had found Cagalli, would I have done what the other's had done to the girls they chose?' at that thought he couldn't take it anymore and through up in the closest bathroom area.

Afterwards he ran to the cells and looked through the specific prisoner holding cell instead of the natural cells because in his dream that's where she had been held. He abruptly stopped at a cell in which a blood stain was visible in the middle of the floor.

'It's fresh, someone was here not too long ago' thought Athrun as he started to run back but noticed that there was someone in the cell beside the one he was just looking at.

It was a man who was wearing a purple Orb uniform. He was older and from the news reports he'd seen, he recognised him as Cagalli's Father.

"Lord Uzumi?" Athrun asked. The man was lying on the floor and turned his head just enough to see who was talking.

Cagalli's Father didn't say anything or move much more after turning to look at Athrun.

"What did they do to you?" Athrun was going to ask about Cagalli but he thought it would raise suspicion and he might have to explain later on how he knew her.

Athrun looked over the man who was lying in the cell and realized he had been beaten so badly that bones were protruding from parts of his body and his mouth was sliced to bits. They probably cut out his tongue.

'My dream of Cagalli must have been very close to reality then, but where is she? Had someone taken her back to their room?' Athrun left the man on the floor, there was nothing he could do for him now, and he would die soon.

He walked in a daze, in the direction of his room. 'I couldn't save Kira and I couldn't save her.' He though.

He passed his Father's room when he heard a muffled scream. Athrun's mind started to race as he put the pieces of his thoughts together. 'Father hates naturals and wants them to suffer, they just walked right in to orb and took it, Cagalli and her Father were taken and tortured so why wouldn't his Father be behind this.' In reality these thoughts took milliseconds to process as he slowly walked towards the door and listen to the voices behind it.

"Your Father is dying little princess, right know and just a little bit beneath where your lying."

The only reply she gave was a quiet sob.

Athrun clenched his teeth and he listened to his Father beat the scared girl.

'I have to do something, he'll kill her.' Athrun subconsciously grabbed his chest. Just then, he heard someone walking heavily down the corridor in his directs so Athrun quickly hid in the room across from his Fathers room thanking Halmaya that it was unoccupied. A soldier stopped in front of the door and knocked.

"What the hell do you want" came from within the closed doors.

"We are entering the territory of the Earth Alliance and a communication signal has just been received by them." The soldier informed.

"Very well." My father opened the door and the sound of two reseeding foot step's made their way from Athrun's position.

I slowly opened the door to check for anyone in the area and when I realised that no one except for a few people were up at 1 am I dashed across the hall way and made my way into Father's room.

My face had never been so pail in my life and for the second time tonight I felt like I was going to through up. Cagalli was lying handcuffed to the bottom of my father 's bed in the fetal position. She was whiter then I was at the moment and was shaking. She looked just as bad as did in my nightmare, with two fractured or sprained wrists, a broken ankle and so many bruises everywhere.

Suddenly her scrunch together eyes opened and she look at me with those eyes except now they were frightened. She closed them again and curled even more into herself. Someone was at the door and standing right behind me.

"Your Father gave me order's to take her back to her cell." The soldier said.

"I'll take her; my Father won't mind me taking an interest in the pain of suck a worthless creature." Athrun lied.

" Yes sir." the soldier said as he left.

I walked over to my Father's desk and took out the keys from the top drawer.

Turning to Cagalli I bent over and unlocked her wrists'.

"please don't" came a whisper. I didn't respond as I picked her up and carried the girl out the door in the direction of my room. She began to shake even more as I opened my door and put her light, fragile fame onto my bed.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cagalli's pov!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so week I thought as I cried in my cell. I had been beaten so much and I was in so much pain. I couldn't understand how these people could watch and listen as they sprained my wrist and broke my ankle. As they kicked me and watched the blood drain from my still open gunshot wound. I gave them everything I had left, with every scream my spirit was being torn apart and with every scream my Father made they knew they were my heart was being ripped apart.

I couldn't help but be afraid, as I hear my Father tell them to stop and that I was only a little girl but they didn't care and I had to close my eyes when they had cut his tongue out. They then took us away and into those cold cells.

I felt so pathetic and alone.

Father I quietly called but there was no response.

It didn't take them long before someone came again and made me walk on my broken ankle all the way to Patrick Zalas room. I was terrified of that man and at that point everyone else.

_I had been as strong as I could in the beginning and fought back with all my might. But it wasn't enough. The__y had brought in little girls a__n__d__ boys who were no older than the age of seven and started cutting off their arms and legs until their abdomens lie in the middle of the floor gasping and screaming._

_PLEASE STOP ILL DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT__ I yelled as the__y started to saw off a five year__ old brunette with pigg__y tails, arm_

_Anything you say he asked as he lead the girl out of the room with her arm half sawed off. Next he brought in an older girl, perhaps a year older than I. She was sobbing and her clothes ripped._

_The man who had been beating me after my father had been taken away, walked up to the girl and through her to the floor._

_no please not again, please...no more... t__he girl sobbed as the man began raping__ her._

_I screamed the whole time just so that I didn't hear her screams as well. When he was done with the girl he left her on the floor and walked over to me, picking me up by my hair. _

_will you still do anything__ he asked whispering in my ear._

_... I just stood there shaking and sobbing. _

_don't __worry__ he said your turn will come, take her back to her cell._

When Patrick Zala had been called away I lie there shaking form the cold and the loss of blood. The door opened and I shut my eyes tighter in fear that the man who had raped that girl had come back to finish his work. I could still remember his red hair and dull green eyes.

The man had started to talk with another and I knew that one of them was planning on hurting me. When I finally opened my eyes I recognized him at once, Athrun

please don't I whispered silently, barely able to talk. He was going to hurt me. Then without saying a word he picked me up and held me in his arms as he walked down the halls. I started to cry silently.

He put me down gently on his bed and walked over to his closet.

Athrun went to his closet and took out some blankets, bandages, and a pair of white pyjamas. Without saying a word to her he walked over to her.

She had gone back to the fetel position with her back toward him when she felt his hand touch her upper arm. Without even thinking and with the fear that he was going to rape her, she sat up and hit him across his cheek. It wasn't very hard because of her sprained wrist but good enough. She then realised what I had done and started to panic.

Athrun's cheek was stinging but what worried him the most was that Cagalli had just hit him with something she had sprained and had a great deal of pain in. He turned to look at her eyes which were wide open and terrified. She then tried to get up and run away from me but ended up on the floor.

Stop that you'll hurt yourself

...I didn't mean to...no...Cagalli was hardly audible.

What did they do to you" Athrun bent over and brought her to the bed again.

...please..."She was shaking and trying to get away.

A t that point Athrun couldn't take it anymore and brought her into his chest and held her. Cagalli stiffened and didn't know what to do, "Cagalli, I won't hurt you, please believe me."

Cagalli felt exhaustion take a hold of her and fell asleep amongst the warmth of Athruns body. Athrun continued cradle her back and forth. your the only person I have left now Athrun whispered in her hair. His Father had long since disappeared and had been replace by a man who was tyrannical, Lacus could never forgive him for killing Kira and for not loving her as he should, Yzak and Dearka had been transferred not like they thought of him as a friend, and Nicol had died along with Kira whom he had killed.

When Athrun realised that Cagalli had fallen asleep, Athrun started cleaning her bullet wound and wrapping her broken bones. He stopped to look at her calm and beautiful face; the bruises didn't take away from her perfection at all. After, Athrun had to change her into his oversized clothes. He blushed as he closed his eyes to take off her shirt and put the other baggy white one on. He was thankful that she had underpants on when he quickly pulled up the white pants and tied the sting around her skinny waste. Her body is so... Athrun turned red when he thought about her body.

He then lifted her just enough to tuck her under the covers of his warm bed, he slid in beside her.

I don't know if I can keep my promise of not hurting you. I said that I wasn't going to and I don't to but I can't keep you forever. I wish I could." He was facing her and watching her breath when he finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

So do you like the second part? More Cagalli and Athrun! Its Friday...no wait it's actually Saturday Morning! WOW anyways, where I live, they aired an episode of GSD and I watched it (I already seen them all)...it was another 'series re-cap' episode. Sometimes I feel like Destiny is just re-caps of GS and full of new characters with no background story. I think maybe that's another reason why I like to write about 'what ifs' during GS because I love GS. Anyways thanks for reading!

evilace


	3. 3Broken Image

I want to protect you but can't (part3)

Declaimer: I don't own Gundam seed, Gundam seed Destiny or anything of too much value, except my computer!

Before you start reading, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed my fic and everyone in general who read it! Thanks!

The alarm had gone off; I sat straight up in my bed. I looked over to find Cagalli who in turn was looking at me, scarred out of her mind. The naturals of our next city to attack must have decided to attack us first rather us them. As I was getting up to leave I felt two hands pulling at my sleeve.

I turned and looked at Cagalli as she starred up into my eyes.

"What is It?" I asked

"...don't go..." she said in a small voice.

"You have to be strong, don't give up, know come on and hide in the closet." I said as I picked her up with the top warm blanket on my bed and moved her into my closet.

I was about to close the door when I hear her say "why?"

"Why what?" I asked

"...im not worth it..." she said even quieter than her questioning me why.

The only thing I could think of to say was 'I can't stop thinking about you.' or 'I think I love you because whenever I think of the person Im supposed to love I instead think of you.' I had to stop for a moment because I couldn't believe the last thought I had just had.

"I need you" was all I said as I left her in the closet and made my way toward the Justice and into another battle I did not want to be in.

I had woken up and realised that I was in his bed. I didn't react to the fact my clothes were changed or that I was sleeping beside him, but instead that he had held me last night and just before I fell asleep I heard him tell me that I was the only one he had left.

I watched his face and moved just a bit closer. I wanted to berry my face in his chest but quickly pushed it from my mind. I had thought about him a lot since the last time we had met. He was so upset about what he had done. I also remembered when I first met him and what I had done to him, shot him twice and both times, when he could have just killed me and have been rid of me, he forgave me, even saved me from drowning, fed me and kept me warm. Now he was doing it again, saving me or at least the shell of me, my old fighting self was now destroyed and I wasn't worth saving.

When and alarm had gone off he had hidden me in a closet and had left to go and attack another city just like he probably did to Orb.

"Father." I said and got up from the closet. The clothed that Athrun had put on me were very baggy so I pulled the blanket he had given me around my frame and limped out of the closet and down the hall toward the cells.

The halls were very empty and at every sound I heard, I quickly hid. After a long and shaky journey down to the holding cells I stood in front of my Father. He was awake and looking at me and I collapsed on the floor in front of the cell.

"Im sorry Father. Im not as strong of a person and that I couldn't protect you."

"..." He didn't reply or more like couldn't reply. The combination of not eating for the last day and a half and travelling on a broken ankle across a ship had finally caught up to me as I blacked out on the floor right in front of my Fathers cell.

When I found her gone from my closet when I got back from the short battle which ended in the Earth Alliances defeat, I knew where she was almost instantly. I half ran towards her Fathers cell and found her unconscious right in front of it.

I walked up to her and picked her up like a child, with her head resting on my shoulder and her legs wrapped around my waist.

"Athrun... I need you too" she said so only I could hear.

Cagallis Father who was watching the whole thing, looked at me with complete shock.

"I'm not going to hurt her so don't worry." I said as I made my way out of the cold holding cells and up through the halls. A few exhausted soldiers passed, but asked little questions or didn't even seem to notice at all, everyone was too tired from the battle and being woken up at 4am.

"my father?" Cagalli asked who was just waking up as I arrived at my room.

I placed her on my bed and she just kept her eyes to the ground.

"Are you still in pain?" I asked

She nodded.

"Are you hungry?"

She nodded.

"I'll go get us some food, stay here and if you here, I'll knock three times before I enter the password, if you think someone is trying to get in then hid in the closet again."

Cagalli looked as if she was going to reach out and stop me from leaving but she didn't and instead lie her head down and looked straight into my eyes. She looked so broken, not like the Cagalli I knew.

"I'll be back very soon, be strong while I'm gone."

"ok" she finally said.

She did as I had told her and when I got back into the room, she was still looking in the same direction.

"There you go." I said and handed her the package of food.

"...thank you..." she said, she looked like she was going to cry.

"After you have something to eat you should get washed up," Athrun said noticing some blood in her hair. "I can also get you, um, better fitting clothes." He finished by looking down at the oversized shirt hanging off her slightly bruised shoulder.

"..." she was blushing a bit but continued to eat in slow bites; her bruises on her face must hurt with each bite.

After she finished eating I helped her up to the bathroom. I turned on the water and told her where the soap was. She had her back to me as I continued to stand there.

"Will you be ok by yourself?"

"yes...please go." she said like I was going to watch her undress or something. I felt my face become hot.

"No, don't misunderstand; I just thought that you might want me to take your clothes off." I became even hotter.

"OH NO, Wait I meant that since your hurt and all, I thought...I'll just go now."

I left and sat on his bed. I heard the water running and soon found myself dosing off. The sound of the water hitting Cagalli's soft skin was soothing to the ears, and to the mind I thought hotly.

'CRASH'

A sound of glass shattering came from inside the bathroom and I was very awake in an instant and halfway to the bathroom. I opened the door to find a glass mirror shattered on the ground and blood all around it.

Cagalli was curled up in a corner, trying to hide herself from me. She had deep cuts on her calves and feet as well as her figures and palms. It looked like she had dropped the mirror and then tried to clean it up with her hands.

"Cagalli" I said as I stated to approach her.

"I'm sorry... please stop" the last part she said quieter as I stopped walking toward her.

"It's just a mirror, I'll get another one, and the important thing is that you're ok. Now let me help you."

"no"

I kneeled beside her and reached for her upper arm, and with my other hand I grabbed a towel.

"STOP NO" she said as she started to thrash.

"LET ME GO I WONT LET YOU TOUCH ME." She screamed and looked into my eyes.

"YOUR HIM, YOUR THE MAN WITH GREEN EYE'S, THE ONE WHO HIT ME AND THE ONE WHO KILLED THOSE CHILDREN." She continued.

"YOU, YOU, THAT GIRL, YOU DID THAT TO THAT GIRL, YOU'RE COMING AFTER ME...NO.." she was now shaking and clutching her chest still hiding herself from me. I couldn't take it anymore she was so scared and in so much pain.

I reach up behind her and held her in my arms. Her back was pressed again my chest and my arms wrapped around her small frame, resting over her own arms. My head was beside her head and my mouth was right beside her neck below her ear.

"Cagalli, I would never hurt you intentionally. I'm sorry, I might have hurt you without knowing but I didn't do anything you just accused me of doing. Please stop this, you're hurting yourself." I whispered softly in her ear as I held her wet body tightly to my own. She was freezing cold. I reached behind me for the towel and wrapped it around her shaking body.

"you see, all better now." I said smiling lightly at her.

I picked her up and carried her bridal style across the broken glass and set her on the bed. I cleaned up the blood and removed some glass from her skin before bandaging it .I then handed her a black dress.

"I bought this for a friend of mine, who was like a sister, but it was too small for her and she said that she didn't like the colour very much. If it fits you can have it. There is also some military issued underwear." I blushed at the last part. I turned around and waited.

I hear some movement and the when it was quiet she said, "..I'm done..."

"You look beautiful." I said. The dress was almost like a night dress with light flowing material that, on Cagalli, ended above her knees. The neck line was a V style with a black band under the chest area. The sleeves were thick banded and went over her shoulders. In other words she looked stunning.

"please stop looking at me" she said looking away.

"sorry" I said looking away too.

"I'm very tired" Cagalli said shortly after a brief silence.

"All the commands have the day to rest after last night's attack, but if you wanted to sleep, I could always nap in my moble suit." I offered and when she didn't reply I got up to leave.

"No, I'm sorry for saying what I said in the bathroom, I really don't want you to leave me alone!" she looked down.

"I'll do some reports on my computer then and I'll be right across the room if you need me."

"...no..."

I almost didn't hear her but stopped.

"what?" I asked her to clarify.

"..." she didn't say anything only reached out and held my hand as she lie her head down. She continued to look at me until I lay my head on the pillow beside her. She then turned on her side and cuddled close to my arm and held it with both hands.

She fell asleep instantly as my mind raced, eventually I fell asleep too. When I woke up, I found that I had turned on my side facing Cagalli and she had moved closer into my chest.

Did you like it? I hope so. I've been writing more chapters lately. I think I'm on chapter 10! It's close to my reading week (half way through the semester) and I have a ton of assignments and tests. When I have to study or do homework, I find that there are a lot books I have to read first, or new episodes of CSI are on. I also suddenly get inspired to write, anything to not do my real work. I do get my work done though, just after I right a chapter or watch TV. Well thanks for reading, I'll probably post another chapter by the end of the week, hopefully, if I don't I won't be able to for two weeks! Don't worry I'll post 4 soon.

evilace


	4. 4Dont

I want to protect you but can't (part4)

Declaimer: I don't own it, I don't, I'm poor, and I can't own it! I do not own Gundam Seed or Gundam Seed Destiny.

I posted it! Enjoy!

Athrun's pov!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I woke, Cagalli was still asleep. I watched her lips as she drew air in and out, in and out and then she shifted. I thought she was waking up but all she did was roll onto her back. I then watched her chest move up and down and at her pale skin with blue mark that looked like someone grabbed her. Her breathing suddenly became irregular and I looked up to see her looking at me, I realized she was scarred and that I was staring at her chest. She got up quickly before I could say anything and went into the closet.

"Cagalli, I'm sorry, I was just, well worried." I said from the edge of my bed, I was going to get up and force the closet doors open but that would just make the situation worst.

"...no..." she said.

"Yes I was. I was watching you breathe and then I..."

"Don't look at me" She yelled.

"I'm not" I wasn't, she was it a closet, how could I?

"Don't"

"Please come out." I said.

"I can't" She whispered.

"Why not?"

"If I do, you'll look at me."She argued.

"What's wrong with looking at you?", 'You're so beautiful' I thought.

"I'm hideous." She said quietly.

Ok maybe I shouldn't have done it but I did. I got up and watched over to the closet yanked open the doors and looked at her with maybe a little too much anger than the situation called for.

"Who said that?" I said a little too loud.

She then went from looking scarred to sad and started crying. "No one said it, it's just a fact." She said through her tears.

I softly touched her cheek and followed one of her tears back up her face and wiped the rest of the tears away from her eyes. She whimpered and looked at me. She was so close to my face, I didn't remember getting this close to her face with my own. I carefully watched her as I closed the distance and placed a soft kiss on her lips. I wanted so badly to kiss her harder and touch her but I removed my lips after a few seconds.

She looked at me in total shock.

"That's what I think." I said softly.

I got up off the floor and walked over to the door.

"We slept through lunch since we didn't get to sleep till late last night so I'll go get some soup or something so you can get better sooner," I paused before I left, "remember, three knock and then I'll enter my code."

"...mmh..." She finally said as I went to the cafeteria.

...cagalli pov...

'he kissed me.' I thought.

'ohno, Does he love me? I'm not, what's the right word for it, worthy of him. I mean he is so overly kind. He's so loyal to his country. Not to mention intelligent and handsome. I'm a broken shell.'

I looked down at my hands, still covered in band aids after I broke the mirror earlier. I walked back into the bathroom and started to very carefully clean up the glass with a paper towel. When I was finished I walked over to the bed and sat down on it after making it.

"I wonder where Athrun is, I'm getting kind of hungry." I admitted to myself as I watched the door and waited.

I then heard an almost bang on the door, then voices, then a code being entered. No three knocks? Oh no, I ran into the closet and closed it just before the door slide open.

"So Athrun, I saw one of your fiancé's performances a few weeks ago." I heard from outside the closet and peeked through a small opening to see Athrun and two other men about his age talking. The most I could make out was that they were the same command as Athrun and that one had blond hair and one had platinum hair.

"Yep, and she looked sad as she sang." Commented the Platinum head.

"Yes, well, she kind of lost someone dear to her and well, she confronted be about her feelings towards me and I felt the same in the essence that we are not in love with one another." Athrun said.

"Wow, you don't want a hotty like her?" asked the blond.

"Dearka, shut the hell up." Said the Platinum again.

"So Yzak you didn't tell me why you got reassigned in my team again?" Athrun asked him.

"It's not like I want to be on your team it's just all the "glory" of being on the force that abolished the naturals and stuff." Yzak said.

"If you believe in that shit." Dearka said.

"I mean I can understand battles and stuff but what we're doing to the innocent people is sickening."Yzak explain. "Just look at the naturals on this ship that we took from Orb."

"You said it, but you know, only the old guys, ugly guys, and total sadistic guys take those girls and screw them, the rest of us just see normal girls that look no different from the girls at home and can't stomach what's happening to them." Dearka said.

"Yet we do nothing?" asked Athrun.

I heard silence and then whispering. Then Yzak walked towards the closet.

"It's nothing" I heard Athrun say as I brought my knees up to my chest and rapped my arms around them, hiding my face and closing my eyes.

I heard the closet open and waited for the storm.

Athrun's POV...

I knew that running into old comrades was just going to complicate thing and when they come back to my room to talk I knew I was caught. When I realised Cagalli remembered what I said and was hiding in the closet I thought I was safe, hopefully.

"I think I hear breathing" was what Yzak whispered when the conversation became silent.

"It's nothing I said trying to get in front of him but was too late.

"A girl?" Yzak said surprised as hell. He then reached down and lift her up by her arm, right over a bruise, she whimpered as he made her stand.

"A natural?" Came Dearka from behind Athrun.

"What are you doing here, did you escape, or something?" He asked while shaking her. She just looked away towards the grown.

"Or maybe, Athrun, what are you doing with this badly beaten natural?" Yzak asked.

Cagalli looked at me and then back towards the grown. In that second I saw all the saddness her eyes held and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop shaking her and put her down." I said as I walked towards her. "Her ankle is broken; she's really hurt, and terrified."

I pulled Yzak away from her and she wrapped her arms around my neck and hid her face in my shoulder. I picked her up bridal style and moved past my shocked comrades. I walked into the bathroom and placed her on the floor.

"Lock the door and don't open it till I tell you." I said very seriously.

I turned around and faced Yzak and Dearka .

"If you tell anyone, I'll make sure that you don't come back from the next battle." I said more as a promise then a threat.

"Wait, wait , hold on a second, Athrun. First of all what's going on." Yzak said finally coming out of his shock.

"She's someone very important to me and I didn't want my Father to torture her to death." I said looking at the door Cagalli was standing behind.

"So you're not, sleeping with her?" Dearka asked.

"no I'm not sleeping with her!" I said.

"What's her name?"Asked Yzak.

"Her name is..." I don't know if I should tell them, they might know that she's the Representative of Orbs daughter.

"You don't know her name?" questioned Yzak.

"Cagalli, her name is Cagalli."

"Cagalli Yula Athha?" Dearka asked in disbelief.

"Are you even allowed to have her?" Yzak asked.

"I took her from my Father ." I said in hopes that I can trust them.

"I told the soldier that was supposed to bring her back to her cell that I wanted to hear her scream."

"What are you going to do?" Yzak asked "I mean he's gonna find out sooner or later and assuming Dearka and I keep quiet, he's going to want to hurt her more and eventually kill her."

"I don't know yet."

"You are putting both yourself and the little girl on the line, so you'd better come up with a plan and fast." Yzak said.

"We won't say anything for the time being but if our asses are on the line, then I can't promise you anything." Yzak finished.

He left with a quick wave from Dearka saying bye to me.

I turned around and knocked on the bathroom door.

"You can come out Cagalli." She didn't open the door.

"Cagalli?"

"What are we going to do?" Came a voice from behind the door.

"What do you want to do; I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."

Cagalli opened the door and jumped into my arms. I wasn't expecting it in the least and it through me off balance. She fell on top of me. She was so light.

"Cagalli, how do you feel..."

Cagalli looked up at me with her golden eyes.

"...how do you feel about me?

"what do you mean?"

"Let's say that we both went to the same school and that there was no such thing as Naturals or Coordinators. I'm the smart and kind class president and you're the equally smart but tough, beautiful girl in our school that all the guys wanted to be with," Cagalli smiled lightly at him and he brushed his thumb over her lips, "what if, in that alternate universe, we were free to do as we pleased, what would say if I told you I loved you and it wouldn't matter if we were enemies in a different world, I'd still know that you're the other half of me?"

"you love me?" Cagalli asked looking at herself. I followed the shape of her body as she started to get off me.

"DONT LOOK AT ME!" she turned to run back into the bathroom but I sat up quicker than she did and kissed her.

This time I kissed her passionately and put my hand on her waist and the other on her un-bruised side of her face. I then pulled her down underneath me. My hands started to move and before I realized it I was sucking on her neck.

I wanted this so badly and I needed it as this point but I noticed that Cagalli was barely moving. I opened my eyes and looked down at her, eyes clenched shut, tears leaking down her face.

I had been lying on her bruised and battered body, touching her bruised, kissing her swollen lip and sucking on a very painful looking neck welt. Not to mention the entire emotional trauma she's gone through, then me selfishly telling her I love her and trying to use her body for my needs, just like all those men did to the other natural slaves.

I got off her and turned away, still sitting on the floor.

"I'm sorry Cagalli, I'm hurting you and being selfish," I said looking down, ashamed that I did such a thing."Please forgive me; I did something you didn't want me to do."

"I love you too." She said still lying on the floor. "You've already saved me so many times; you don't have to stop if you don't want to."

"I don't want to hurt you." I said burying by head in the crook the un-bruised side of her neck.

"You're not." She whispered as I picked her and lifted her towards the bed.

I woke up early the next morning; mostly from being a little too warm even though it felt nice. I was half lying on top of Cagalli; my first instinct was 'am I hurting her?' Followed by 'did I hurt her last night' and then finished with 'I hope I didn't do anything she'll regret. I know I don't regret it.'

She looked so peaceful lying there with her hair sprawled over the pillow and her face so calm. I don't even want to begin describing how amazing the rest of her looked despite the bruises. 'I've only seen Cagalli for a total of what like 3 and half days. Let's see the island was about a day meeting her on her ship was like, maybe a few hours and then I only just rescued her and she's been with me for two days, probably less and we already...'

I heard her wake up I looked just as she opened her luminescent golden eyes. She didn't say anything; she only kept looking at me. I noticed she was holding her stomach and I thought that maybe I hurt her.

"Are you ok?" I asked placing my hand on her stomach.

"You never brought soup." She said. "And stop looking at me." She pulled the covers up over herself.

"That's right, I ran into Yzak and Dearka, sorry, you probably haven't eaten that much, I'll go get you something."

Athrun sat up and put on his pants and shirt on as I wrapped the cover closer to my body, I'll just wait till he leaves before I put my clothes back on. I know it's stupid since what happened last night. 'I can't believe what happened, but I always said that my first time would be with the person I was in love with, plus I feel that it was the right thing to do.' I was still so embarrassed; I probably wasn't any good at it.

He turned around as I was looking down at the covers. I felt him climb over to me on the bed; he lifted my chin with his hand and kissed me gently for a couple of seconds.

"I love you." He said as he broke our kiss. "I'll be back in no time." With that he headed out the door.

"I love you too." I whispered as he was leaving but I knew he heard me.

By the time Athrun came back with my soup, I had already taken a quick shower and put my black dress on. My hair was still a little wet do I had it in a pony tail. I ate my soup quietly as Athrun watched me. I was starting to get nervous since he said nothing and I was too embarrassed to say anything to him either.

I was distracted by my thoughts when Athrun reached out to touch my arm, and I flinch, spilling the rest of my soup on the floor.

I whimpered somewhere between the flinch and the spill.

"I'm sorry, I'll clean it up." I said quickly to first get away and secondly to make him less mad for spilling the liquid on his floor. Getting up, I limped slightly to the bathroom to get towels but before I could get more than two feet away, Athrun stopped me.

"Cagalli, after all we're been through, you still thought I was going to strike you?" He asked sounding hurt.

"Please don't be mad." I said. "I just...please I...I'm just..." I couldn't say it. I thought that if I told him the truth that I wasn't paying attention and I did react as if he was going to hit me or maybe I should just hid. No, I have to be strong, I was strong before and I have to be strong again.

"I'm sorry I got distracted and thought you were going to hurt me, I know you would never do it, I know you love me and I love you so please don't be mad." No matter how hard I tried to be strong, I still started to cry.

Just as Athrun started to speak, I heard a code being typed into the door key code, and the door opened to fast for me to hide or even for Athrun to move.

Number 4 done! SO??????? How was it? I put in whose point of view it was; it was brilliantly suggested (thank you). It was also superbly mention that Cagalli isn't very strong in this fic and I hope I can make her stronger as I go! It's just that ALOT of things have happened to her, and more traumatising things will also happen in the future. I think a person can along take so much before they become scared out of their wits, especial during a war. Anyways, thank you everyone who reviewed my fic, I love to get feedback! 5 is coming...soon, maybe.

Evilace


	5. 5caged

I want to protect you but I can't (Part5)

Dont want to talk too long cause last chapter was a cliff-hanger so Disclamer applies to this one too!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cagalli dropped to the floor and backed away into the closest wall and started to shake; she looked utterly terrified as she closed her eyes tight.

My Father entered my room and started directly at me.

"Athrun" my Father said as I turned around to look into his cold eyes.

'This is bad. I still haven't had a chance to make a plan to save Cagalli.'

"Father, I was hoping you'd come, you don't mind me using her do you?" I asked while grinning and walked up to her, grabbing her "I was just about to start after letting her tender flesh heal for a day." I couldn't stand my own words.

"You never asked my permission, that one's mine alone, I do however like you attitude. You can have a natural, just not this one."

My Father walked up to Cagalli pushed me slightly away and dragged her up by her hair, she screamed as my Father grabbed her fractured wrist and twisted it until you could hear a snap. She pasted out at the sound of breaking bones and I could feel something shattering inside of me.

"We attach again in another few hours so get some rest."

Father slumped Cagalli over in his arms as she didn't way very much and walked out of my room.

After he left, I punched the wall beside me as tears streamed down my enraged expression, my pupil's pinpoints in my emerald eyes.

It was settled, I have to get us both out of here soon.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I woke up I heard Athrun's voice inside my head telling me to be strong which the last thing I wanted to be. My wrist was broken, I couldn't see a bone sticking out or anything but it was very bruised and it hurt like hell. I took the tensor Athrun had put on my ankle and wrapped it around my wrist. It was then that I realized I wasn't back in my cell, but rather in Zala's room and to my horror, in what looked like an old kennel cage. I barely fit and could only lie down if I was curled up. It was so cold; I wish Athrun had given me a sweater and not a thin material dress that had a low v-neck and a low back, as well as a length higher than my knees.

The room wasn't well lit and I didn't see the figure sitting on the bed until they spoke.

"So you're awake."

My mind scrambled in fear as I realized it was the man who tortured me along with Zala. His dull green eyes were leering at me and were full of lust.

"I like your dress princess, it makes your pale bruised skin look so tender and appetizing." He got up from the bed and walked over to the cage.

I didn't say anything.

"Now, now, you know I like to hear fearful screams, cries, whimpers," he got closer to my head "and moans."

He then opened the cage and pulled me out; I fought a bit so he threw me across the room against the wall. My head hit pretty hard but I knew if I passed out, then he would have his way so I willed myself to stay conscious. I had to fight, even if it was a losing battle and I had little fight left in me.

The dull eyed man walked up to me and pulled me underneath him. He started to bite on my neck and move him hands on my chest. I thrashed around as best I could and with my broken wrist's, tried to push him off, but it was causing me so much pain and had little effect.

"Please stop." I said as he continued.

This man, who had to have been Athrun's age, had the complete opposite way of thinking then him. Athrun must have been a little taller than him and a little more muscular too. They were both stronger and more skilled than me even if I didn't want to admit it but only one of the men had tried to hurt me. How could one of these men remain so kind but the other so sadistic?

The man started to move his mouth to my collar bone and down to my chest, leaving a trail of red bites. I wanted to scream for Athrun because I was so terrified but I knew this man would have liked it too much. Plus I don't want to ruin Athrun's cover.

I couldn't help the tears running down my face as this man ripped my dress over my head, leaving me in my underwear and shivering under his cold fingers resting on my hips.

'Athrun' I cried in my head.

The man then stopped and slumped over me, crushing me under his weight.

In a half whimper and scream I actually let "Athrun" slip through my lips.

"Cagalli?" I heard as the man was lifted off me and a chest was pressed against my face.

"Athrun, I'm sorry." I said into his chest as I graded the fabric on his uniform and buried my face in even more.

I had only had my under wear on and shorts on top. I had no shirt on and I was covering myself the best I could, I didn't want anyone to see me.

Athrun reached over and pulled the black dress from the floor and slipped in on me. I was still crying and shaking and as much as I wanted to stop I just couldn't.

"Cagalli, you have to go back in the cage."

"please don't put me back in there." I said pleading with him. I did not want to go back in that thing.

"I promise I'll save you and take you away from here but first you have to let me get things ready or else we'll get caught." With that he kissed the top of my head and picked me up, moving towards the cage.

"..." I held on to him so tight so that he couldn't put me back in.

"Cagalli let go, you have to trust me."

"I trust you, I really do but please don't make me."

"I'm sorry." Athrun grabbed my wrists and pressed them slightly. I screamed from the pain and soon found myself back in the cage.

"no, let me out, please Athrun." His back was to me and he was silent. He lifted the other man over his shoulders and started to walk away.

"don't leave me please come back, I'm sorry." He just kept walking.

"ATHRUN"

The door closed and I was in the darkness again.

I tried to calm myself down because I was so exhausted. It had been what seemed like hours since Athrun put me back in the cage, and after the initial panic I settled down just a little. I was almost to the point of not sobbing hysterically when my world started to shake.

Alarms were going off and the whole ship was shaking.

'The battle must have started." I thought. Something was off.

A loud noise echoed throughout the ship and more alarms went off. "Oh no, I think the EarthForces are attacking the ship." I heard soldiers outside the door running back and forth as the ship started to pitch and sway unevenly.

"They hit the ship!" I heard.

"I think their concentrating all their force on this ship!" Another said.

"This is only one ship out of like 1,700, so the orders are to abandon it."

"What about the natural slaves?"

"Who cares about them, plus we already lost a lot of them, that last blast hit the far left side of the ship and all the captives were kept there."

"so where do we go now?"

Another bang hit the ship and my cage went flying across the floor and smashed into the wall. It knocked all the air out of my lungs and before I could regain my breath, the large desk in the room came colliding into the cage and trapping me in between the wall.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'The Arkangel?' I thought as we came upon our next natural inhabited city. The last time I saw that ship was right after I defeated the Strike. It had retreated and I hadn't seen it since.

But there it was, right in front of me and there I was ready to fight it again.

"This is great!" I heard Yzak over the intercom.

"Ya, we'll finally finish off that damn ship we chased, the one that pilot belonged to." Dearka piped in.

"The pilot who killed Nicol." Yzak finished.

"Let's just focus on staying alive." I said knowing that it wasn't that ship's fault or the crews fault for that matter that we had chased them and fought them whenever we could.

So there we where, ready for battle and so was the natural city. This city had been different from the last few we attacked; this one actually had a large armed force waiting for us. We however, still outnumbered them and knew they would retreat. We engaged the enemy and it wasn't too long before I lost track of the Arkangel, as I was helping a few younger pilots and had no time to think about how I'd be killing the very people Kira had tried to protect before I killed him.

It had been a long day before it was over and we emerged with only a small margin of loss. We didn't even stop to finish off survivors or take prisoners as we had done before; instead we just kept going to the next city. The temperature was getting colder and colour as we moved further up north to the next cities. I had originally thought that all the snow was ash from the battle but it was only part ash.

I turned around and on my way back to the officer ship; I found Yzak and Dearka doing the same.

"Hey, we heard about what happened to that natural girl you liked." Dearka said over a private intercom between the three of us.

"My Father found out and took her away, but don't worry, I have plans." I said as to not give too much away, the last thing I needed was a betrayal by my comrades because that was what I was planning to do.

"Oh that, ya," but that wasnt what Dearka was getting at.

"Shes dead." Yzak said and in a second, my heart started pounding in my head and I couldn't breathe.

The ship that I had left Cagalli on was nowhere in sight and a message was sent to all those who had sleeping quarters on it, that we were to reconvene to the second newest command ship.

"It turns out that the Arkangel and a lot of the other Earth Forces ships targeted our command and that was one of the only ships they took down, the rest where really little and insignificant. Most of the people that were on that ship were the natural captives. The commanding officers jumped ship as soon as they knew it was targeted and the rest of the soldiers that lived on it, are out here in battles so they just let it crash back there but don't worry we got the Arkangel and it crash along with our ship." Yzak said.

Cagalli was dead. That was all I hear when I still had a heart. After that it was just information I needed to keep going. I really no longer cared about anything anymore and just flew back in silence.

Back on the ship I was given a new room, right across from my Fathers room, the person who took her away from me when I could have been with her for the last hours of her life, to hold her and feel her against me breathing with me. I could have looked at her and she could have told me to stop. Why didn't I take her back when she was begging me to. I just put her back and left her, all so I could finish my plans to escape, I could have escaped during the last battle with her but I had wanted to get supplies and other things for us so I made the date we left for the next time.

As soon as I reached my room, I stripped and sat on the shower floor letting the water hit my body.

_"__don't__ leave me please come back, I'm sorry."_

I started to breathe heavily and I couldn't focus my thoughts, I just kept seeing Cagalli and her eyes, so much pain, sadness, hopelessness. I wanted to stop it, I wanted to help her, I loved her. I stated punching the wall beside me, the blood from my knuckles washed down the drain along with the water. I couldn't feel the physical pain at all, only the mental as I pictured Cagalli that night we spent together and how she said she loved me. Something broke in my mind and I started to punch the wall harder and harder till tile spayed everywhere and pieces hit my face.

I stopped when a wave of exhaustion hit me. I looked at my hands, they were cut up but not as bad as they should have been with the force I put into hitting the wall, they should have been broken, not just cut up. I put on my shorts and crawled into my cold bed, wrapping a blanket around my half wet body. It was so cold that night, and before I slipped into a dark slumber I cried out Cagallis name softly into my pillow.

Morning eventually came, or was it afternoon, I didn't care. I woke up in another room, the infirmary. A doctor walked up to me and shone a flash light into my eyes which angered me.

"What the hell is happening?" I asked in a horse, dry voice.

"Well Sir, your father went into your room for a meeting and to tell you of your promotion but he couldn't wake you. You've been sleeping for two days. And you've have fits of rage, start punching the wall or yelling." The doctor explained.

'Cagalli………..I lost her.' It was all coming back to me now. I got up from the bed and walked out of the room. The doctor called after me but I wasn't listening. I kept walking to my room and got changed into my white uniform and headed to the command centre and right where my Father should be.

"Father." I said when his back was just five feet in front of me.

"So youre up, we should talk."

"..." He lead me into a private room and I stood in the back listening as he made me the new commander of some division of which I couldn't care less. I lost everything and I was just going to keep going till I died. I would never rest and never find peace, never sleep again as my nights were haunted and never breathe again because I forgot how. Breathing is pretty useless when you have no heart.

'where am I' I wondered when I woke up on an unfamiliar ship. My golden eyes scanned the area and I couldn't find him.

"ATHRUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**Well it's Monday and I had two tests today! Last week was a reading week and I didnt have to go to school so studying sucked. So how was this part? The next chapter should be up by the end of this week, maybe sooner cause I'm going to a book signing on friday, Stephanie Meyer. She wrote the Twilight Series and I love those books, so my friends and I are gonna go! Well thanks for reading and tell me what you thought!**

evilace


	6. 6first things first, you have to puke!

I want to protect you but I can't (part6)

Sorry, this is kind of late. I was going to update last week but my plans changed when I ended up driving. Ok so I'm not going to waste any more time.

Disclamer: Dont own anything to do with the Gundam franchise.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I leaned over the bed to through up. I had woken up on some ship and Athrun wasn't around. I looked down and realised that I was in a hospital gown and had been bandaged up. 'These people must not want to hurt me.' I thought as I tried standing on the opposite side of the bed as no not stand in my own puke.

I fell immediately and I couldn't stand up again. I started to cry.

The door opened and Miriallia was standing in the there looking at me in shock.

"Cagalli, what are you doing, you have to rest." she said.

"Miriallia, what, where………I"

"Settle down Cagalli, you're on the Archangel. We were heavily damaged and had to land. We found a lot of ships that were shot down in battle and you were on one of them. You were really hurt so we brought you back here, youve been out for two months now." she said walking over to me.

"Two months, Ive been out for two months!" I said, Athrun must be worried.

"The Archangel would have brought you to a better hospital but we still need a week to finish the repairs". Miriallia had already helped me off the floor and was talking to me while I sat on the bed.

"We were in the last battle with Zaft. We were outnumbered and Zaft just blew right through our defences and just kept going. They didn't stop to help their fallen or anything. They just kept going to their next destination just to destroy that too."

"We found you on the largest ship, you were the only survivor, and every coordinator had abandoned it. When we kept searching the ship, we found that they had taken naturals as prisoners but the ship had been hit were they were kept and all we found where…….pieces of them."

"We also found your Father, Im sorry. she was so sad."

"Its ok, I already guessed that much." Tears started to run down my face as I looked at my hands.

"I cant believe what they did to you! Your wrists were broken and sprained along with your ankles. Your body was full of bruises and you had a bullet hole through you. When we found you, you were pinned between a wall and a desk in a cage." Miriallia said with tears in her eyes.

"I knew that they were merciless and that they would torture naturals but when…..when the doctor told the captain that you were pregnant……"

"What" I said. I felt even sicker than before. I looked down at my stomach.

"The doctor wanted to abort it but the ship isn't equipped with very many supplies and you where so injured, he thought that maybe your body would abort it itself but it hasn't." Miriallia said.

"I……" I was at a loss of words.

"Cagalli, do you remember who got you…you know," Miriallia asked with a concerned look on her face like she was bringing up something that would give me bad memories.

"I don't want to talk about it….I just want to rest some more." I said turning over and closing my eyes.

"Ok, Ill leave you be, if you need anything you can just call." Miriallia got up to leave."I am truly sorry."

When she left I had so many thoughts rushing though my head. How can this happen. Athrun and I only did it once. I can't be having a baby. Naturals are being exterminated and so will my child and I, all we can do is run and hid. What type of life is that? Athrun, what about Athrun? I started to sob into my pillow as I held my stomach.

"Don't worry little one, don't worry."

I want to promise our child so much Athrun, so much, like safety, security, and even love from both of us but I can't be sure of anything. I thought as I fell back asleep.

The week had gone by quickly as a lot was on my mind, mostly Athrun and my unborn child. I hadn't seen the Archangel crew in such a long time. I found that everyone had changed and some people where transferred.

I had only remembered some of their names but I realised that the girl Kira liked wasn't here (evilace- ok I just have to say that I HATE that character so much I wont even say her name, I refuse!) , as well as Miss. Badgiruel . It turned out that Mu La Fllaga wasn't supposed to be here but he did something crazy and was reassigned after refusing to leave.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I woke up crying and screaming. I had horrible nightmares of Athrun, our baby, and other people.

Sometimes someone would come in and settle me and wake me up because I was so loud. I knew that they thought I was having a dream about the night I was raped or something. I didn't want to tell them that I loved the Father. They might want to kill my baby even more and kill me as well.

A lot of Naturals who thought that coordinators and Naturals could live together peacefully had changed their minds when Zaft started its campaign to kill all Naturals.

When all the repairs were done, the Archangel was going to head to the next city to get ammunition, and then rejoin the battle. They had no choice; naturals fought, ran and hid, or got killed. There is no safer haven, no more life to live.

I was to get off at the next city with one of the crew nurses who wanted to help the injured their and I was to go to the hospital and hopefully get my baby aborted.

I just couldn't do that. I wouldn't let them take away our child. I had other plans.

One night just before we reached the city, I had come up with my plan. I would go to the hospital and escape as soon as I was given the opportunity. They wouldn't care, they have too much to deal with as it is, and when I escaped I would go and find a clinic that would make my child a coordinator.

That was the only choice for new families. They would make their children coordinators to give themselves a chance. Hopeful with their coordinator children, Zaft Nations would allow them to enter, thereby saving themselves and their children.

I couldn't have cared less about myself. I didn't want something I made with love to be destroyed. I would give our baby a chance at life. At least Athrun would take him or her if I died. It is easier to take his coordinator child then his natural child.

Then after I make the baby a coordinator, I would get supplies and travel to the island where we first met. If we were destined to first meet there then that's where we'll meet again.

I cried so hard that night. I was so afraid and Athrun wasn't there to calm sooth me.

We were supposed to arrive at the next city two days ago. It turned out that it had been destroyed as well and we missed it, mistaking it for a pile of rubble. It was getting so cold as we moved onward towards what we thought was the next best city, I was sick even more now-a-days and my back hurt. I wasn't even showing and my back still hurt.

Miriallia and I talked a few times as the trip became longer but the conversations weren't too in-depth only 'how are you doing' or 'it was so cold last night I couldn't sleep' . We would talk like that until we got to the next city and found that it was attacked my Zaft, but this time, it was half intact the problem being that they were in desperate need of supplies more than us and if we landed they would take everything on board in sheer need. After that we just kept going.

My pregnancy was getting into its fourth month and by then I had gained a little bump on my stomach. I would cover it up because only a few members of the crew new about my condition and if others found out they might kill me for having a coordinators child inside me.

It was that day when we found a city that had been missed by Zaft when Miriallia had finally asked me more personal questions.

"I hear you cry at night. Do you cry because of what happened to you?"

"I cry for what might happen to me." I replied knowing that it sounded very vague but that it was the truth and I couldn't tell her much.

"I could never take a life of something as innocent as an unborn child, are you doing to get rid of him or her?"

"..." I touched my stomach.

"I know you've been through a lot and I have no right to tell you what your doing is right or wrong. If I was raped and found out it created a child, I might feel differently."

"I don't know what to say to you Miriallia. I'm sorry." I looked out the window of my room as Miriallia just sat there looking at me with a sad expression on her face.

We were coming up to the city which was untouched my anything but the light of the now fading sun. I got up off my bed and put on a heavy green sweater over my maternity style top. The sweater clung to my body but was bulky enough to not show anything, I put on another jacket that kept me even warmer. I originally had on sweat pants but I changed into stretchy jeans and put black boots on, if I was planning on running for it I had might as well have on good boots that covered my calves, and lined with fake fur.

When I was done, I noticed Miriallia standing behind me, changed into civilian clothes and a bag over her shoulder.

"Miriallia?"

"I've had enough. I'm just a communications personal and I'm of no importance to a ship that is an utter mess and to a side that has already lost. I just want to go home. Back to my parents if they aren't already dead and maybe hide out for a few months before Zaft comes and kills the rest of the naturals they missed."Miriallia said and I understood what she meant, I mean all I was going to do was hid on an island.

"I know we have only known each other for a short time but, "Miriallia looked at me "do you and your baby want to come with me? My parents wouldn't mind."

I thought it over for a second. Maybe I should tell her everything. I really want someone I can confide in and tell how I felt.

"I have to do something important, I'm sorry." I said looking down towards the floor.

"Then do you mind if I come with you? The truth is that I haven't heard from my parents since I left Orb over a year and a half ago. I think they remained there and since Orb was destroyed, I don't think they made it, I was just going to go and check." Miriallia looked at me with unsheathed tears.

"You can come with me, I don't mind." I said walking towards her and holding her hand.

"Thank you."

When the ship landed, we didn't say goodbye to anyone, we just left before the nurse could catch me and accompany me to the hospital. I think Miriallia had already said goodbye to everyone she needed to and I'm sure that the Captain knew all along what I had planned and that Miriallia would go with me as my time on the ship passed.

We walked along the city streets towards the beach. We sat there and let the frozen wind keep us awake. I realised that I had no clue what I was doing. When I crashed on the island, I didn't know where I was then and I certainly don't know where it is now. I had no idea where Athrun was and even if he was alive. I was going to have a baby and eventually get us both killed when they find out who I am and my child is. And now I was bringing another person into this mix and I hadn't even told her the whole truth.

Tears made their way down my face as I turned to Miriallia.

"I went through a lot of things while with Zaft. I'm no longer strong or brave or anything anymore. I did however find something while I was there that is even stronger than who I was." I wasn't making any sense to Miriallia.

"I want to keep this baby," I told her and he nodded her head "I want to make him or her a coordinator, I want to give it a change. Maybe..."

"I understand, so you know who the father is?"

"..." I didn't say anything.

"Ok, Cagalli, let's just save your baby first." The sun had gone down and the night air was unforgiving against the skin so we both walked back into the city to find a place to rest for the night and maybe even a little something to eat.

The next morning, Miriallia and I found a clinic where they were willing to perform genetic coordination on my unborn child.

The building itself from the outside looked shady and unsuspecting to anyone who didn't know what was going on inside. Inside however was actually clean and looked like any regular dentist or doctor's office.

I went inside the examination room without Miriallia; I had to do this alone.

The doctor didn't ask too many questions, he just thought I was like all the rest. The only question he asked was "What do you want done to the child."

"I want it to be intelligent and strong, that's it."

"No hair change, eye change...?"

"No ."

"Ok then let's get started."

When I left the room I felt a little better.

"Are you done?" Ask Miriallia.

"Yes. I only wanted him to be smart and strong so it didn't take too long."

"It's a Boy?!" Miriallia asked.

"Yes, a little boy that looks just like his father." I said a little sad because Athrun had no idea what was happening or that I was even alive. Miriallia must have taken it as I was sad that my child looked like the man who raped me because she hugged me.

I felt what I thought was a wave of nausea, but knew that the whole building wasn't supposed to shake. The deafening sound came seconds after and all too familiar feeling crept into my mind as Miriallia and I raced out of the collapsing building and into the streets to see the approaching battle.

"Everyone, run to the life pods and escape into the ocean."

We were being directed to safe areas and life boats of such. Miriallia and I held on to each other's hand as we ran to the beach just in time for a moble suit to fly over head, knocking us to our knees from the force of the wind.

They didn't attack however. They just landed. It was kind of like Orb, where they didn't have any forces or anything but it was such a large city, probably a capital or something. Suddenly a loud announcement was made from one of the 1,450 Zaft war ships.

"This is our last capital Natural City. Zaft Forces Rejoice. This is our city now, a new capital, which was once Old Washington is now our new Jenius Seven!"

There was a cheer heard as the moble suits landed and the large ships did as well. They blocked off all exits and all the naturals were being gathered up into groups of adults over 25 and everyone under in another group.

"Cagalli, I'm scared." Miriallia said to me as we shuffled along towards an abandoned Earth Alliance warehouse.

"I don't know what to say." I really didn't. I was scare and everything but I almost expected this all to happen. I wanted to see Athrun again. I know he won't be able to help me at all because I' m a natural and everything, he would be killed as a traitor. I also couldn't tell him about my baby, I couldn't tell anyone and no one must find out. If they did, everyone involved will be killed.

"Miriallia, please don't tell anyone about my condition, if you do, they'll kill us. Even if I'm being kick and punched, or even shot at. You can't say anything." I looked into her eyes, trying to find understanding as the soldiers separated the young girls from the main group.

"Yes. I can see what you're saying."

We huddled together, sitting on the floor with a room full of other girls our own age. The room itself was dark and dirty. The weather outside reflected our moods, cold, grey and depressing; no hope of the sun shining through the clouds. A lot of the girls were crying and sobbing into their hands. Others were in a state of shock and just stared ahead or tried to fall asleep. The doors weren't exactly bared shut, only a couple of guards stood there, it wasn't like we could run or anything, we had no place to go.

"They took my daughter...they just took her and threw her into an alley way. SHE WAS ONLY A WEEK OLD!" A young woman about 20 years of age started yelling and thrashing against her younger sister as she held her still and tried to calm her down.

A few more yells and screams of 'where's my Mother' or 'my boyfriend's dead' where heard through the evening and into the night. Most were settled down just as they started screaming.

Miriallia had fallen into a troubled sleep on my lap. She curled up as the night got colder and I wished I could have given her one of my coats but to be honest, they were barely keeping me warm. I hadn't been able to fall asleep so I just watch this young girl who couldn't have been older than 12 shake on the cold floor. She had been wearing a bright green sweeter that was now covered in blood. Her parents blood maybe, her brothers, her sisters or a friend's blood as they were shot. Perhaps they struggled with the soldiers and were killed right in front of her eyes. Maybe they were killed in the debris of the initial warning shots fired. As the night went into morning, soldiers came and ushered us across out of the building. I must have fallen asleep for a couple of hours after the girl in the green sweater fell asleep.

"Miriallia, wake up."

"I've been awake for about an hour, I just wanted to stay asleep." Miriallia sat up and helped me up.

"Where are we going now?" She asked me since I had some insight.

"You notice how all of us are young, pretty girls." I said hoping she caught on. I continued just in case she didn't.

"Most of the soldiers on the ship are men and they get lonely after being at war for months at a time, they like to have a little fun." Miriallia eyes widened but went back to normal as she realized her fate.

As we exited the warehouse, I looked back to find the girl in the green sweater still lying on the floor. She was lying in a pool of her own blood and looking at the rest of us with a glazed look in her eyes, life had once been there. It was almost like a mock really, telling us that she had escaped where we still had to live.

Ok, I'm hungery and want to eat. SO tell me what you think. I know it's really un-original to make Cagalli pregnant but ya know what, this is my story and thats what I want to happen. I really need some food but I have to go make it! Tell me if you think it's dumb or not.

evilace


	7. 7just a little winded

I want to protect you but I can't (Part 7)

Disclaimer: Nothing has changed, still poor and don't own GS or anything really.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was just like the other ship I was held on when I was first taken from Orb, only this time, they didn't give me my own personal cell. I was sharing this crammed area with about 50 other girls between the ages 15-19. The younger ones got another cell as did the older ones.

Miriallia and I ate slept and talked while we were kept like that for about a week. The other girls kept to themselves and would steal food from more traumatized girls that had lost all hope. While others would huddle together with people they knew taking turns crying or being silent.

I hadn't seen Athrun yet and I lost a bit of hope due to the fact that on thousands of ships I was only on one and him, he could be anywhere, even transferred or dead.

"You're lucky Cagalli." Miriallia said to me later in the week.

"Lucky, out of all the words to say to me, you choose Lucky?" I was actually kinda laughing despite the situation.

"well," she whispered in my ear "you're so skinny as it is and with all your clothes on, you can't even tell your...you know."

"What happens if some guy takes me and then makes me take my clothes off?" I asked her seriously.

"Just tell him you're fat." Joke or not that was funny.

"You think it'll work?" I asked.

"Don't know, I don't even think they're gonna take any of us, I mean it's been a week now."Miriallia stated.

"They separated us remember, they'll use the really young ones first, then us who are still young but have developed more than the 13 year olds they have and finally the 20-25 women." I said.

"That's horrible." 

It was Sunday when I regrettably saw Zala. He had come for another girl; I overheard his conversation with the guarding soldiers. He was a little too rough with his last one and choked her in him mattress, what he was doing to her, I didn't want to listen.

No matter what I said to try and calm myself, it didn't work and I found myself shaking. I put up my hood over my hair and curled up beside Miriallia to sleep and 'hide'.

"I haven't been able to find a suitable replacement since the blond natural but I just want someone I can eventually kill." He said looking over the sleeping girls. It was 1am and everyone was exhausted from the week's events; I had been the last to lay my head down.

"I also want someone for Athrun Zala, he has been a complete robot lately and I like it, he deserves a reward. I told him to get one a couple months ago but he refuses now and mumbles on about a loved one or something foolish like that."

'Athrun must think I'm dead.' I thought as the voices came closer.

"On second thought, I'll just bring Athrun down in the morning and we'll make a chose then, when everyone's awake and terrified." He left and in that moment I was both scared and excited.

'Athrun's on this ship! But so is Zala and if he finds me, he'll take me and Athrun will have to go through more pain.'

'What are we gonna do, baby?' I asked my stomach.

I had been thinking of names while I was on the Archangel but had been too busy lately to think of anything else but staying alive. I had only come up with two or three really good names but I didn't want to get my hopes up too much, just in case something happened. I didn't have to worry about the girl's names anymore since I was having a boy. I had thought of naming it Kira but that was just too much for Athrun and I to handle, it was just an emotional name for us. The next names were Alex, Kia, and Coveu, but I didn't want to start calling my baby anything till Athrun agreed on it and that it was sure to be born.

ATHRUN POV

The last four, almost five months had been hell for me. When was I going to die? I'm not suicidal or anything I just wanted to be with Cagalli. I had gone into the eye of the battle field and fought till I was exhausted and still no one killed me. I didn't even sleep at night anymore. I had been doing things systematically since Cagalli left. I fought but had no motive, I ate but couldn't taste the food, I drank but was still thirst and I went through the motion of sleeping but found little, only when I passed out.

"Athrun." My Father had come into my room and I was sitting with my shirt off on the cold floor (evilace that shirtless thought is kinda for me ).

"What do you want." I said not really caring.

"I want to give you a present for all your work and dedication to the cause."

"I don't want a natural. I did but now things have changed." I said with malice in my voice.

"Either you come and pick one or I'll just kill one every day you don't come down." My Father threatened. I didn't care anymore but something inside of me told me to go and save a natural, Cagalli would have wanted it and maybe my saving this girl, a guy out there just like you, will be grateful you saved his love where yours was killed.

"I'll go down alone." I said.

"Very well, take the other two, Joule and Elsmen and get them one too." My Father said before leaving my room.

I punched the wall beside my head. 

Cagalli's POV

It turns out; another girl was up last night with me and heard what I did. The rumour spread about how we were to be raped and killed. It was like the first night all over again. Lots of crying and such where present in the dark cell, as the mourning proved to be dark which meant it was probably raining or something out side.

"Will I even see you again?" asked Miriallia as the anxiety got to her.

"Just put up your hood and don't say anything, who knows they might not even pick us." I said as I felt sick to my stomach. I was pregnant and had eaten very little of the food they gave us even though I had tried too it would just make me even sick and I would through up.

The room went silent as we heard voices talking directly outside the door. Miriallia had taken my advice and put up her hood as did I.

'Please don't let Zala or anyone other than Athrun pick me.' Even if it was Athrun, I doubt I could run up to him and hug him, ya, cause that wouldn't be suspicious AT ALL. 

This is kinda a neutral point of view!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Athrun opened the door and walked into a room full of girls. They all had their eyes downward cast and were silent as the grave which was a great way to describe their immediate future. Yzak and Dearka walked in after him. They were just as thrilled about the situation as he was.

"This is frightening." Said Dearka as he walked up to the nearest girl and knelt down beside her. She didn't look at him or anything else. She just stared forward.

"Whatever, let's just pick one so we won't get in trouble." Yzak said as he walked through the croud of girls who flinched away when he came close.

Athrun followed soon after as Dearka stood and made his way around the perimeter.

Cagalli and Miriallia both stopped breathing when the door opened.

'Athrun looks so lost.' Cagalli thought.

'That's the Buster pilot.' Miriallia thought as she remembered letting him go sometime after they had captured him when the strike lost the battle. They let him go, realising that the coordinators where winning and that the Archangel was no longer getting enough supplies to take care of everybody, so the people who weren't needed left.

They both however, remanded silent as the boys approached.

Yzak came to a complete stop right in front of Cagalli and Miriallia and bent over looking at them with contempt.

"Quiet and I don't have to see a sad face accusing me, perfect." He said as he reached down and lifted Cagalli by her arm.

"I've already chosen this one; I'll talk to you later." Yzak turned and left, dragging Cagalli behind him. She wanted to run back to Athrun but thought it better and safer to just go with Yzak; at least he wasn't going to hurt her, hopefully.

Dearka finally picked a 16 year old that had been crying and looked like she hadn't eaten in over three days. Athrun on the other hand just kept walking and eventually gave up and left.

'Who cares if I save someone or not.' Athrun finally had enough of looking for something he could never find.

After they left and all was back to the normal fear and dread, Miriallia started to sob into her knees.

'That angry man took Cagalli.' She though and eventually lulled herself into sleep. 

Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!

Yzak had brought me back to his room and told me to sit on the floor while he went to get me some food.

"Trouble. Nothing but work." He said as he left the room.

I ran into the bathroom and through up. I was feeling really bad today. I mean I have been feeling bad for since we were captured. I felt so drained that I crawled back to my spot on the floor and dropped my head. I wanted to sleep so badly; I couldn't even lift my head when Yzak return.

"Here's your food."

"..."

"Girl, get up."

"..."

"Listen, if you don't get up, I'll send you back and you'll die down there with the rest of them. UGH why did I agree to this, 'Cagalli would have wanted me to save someone so that they could have a chance at finding love like we did.' God Athrun, that's just Bullshit!"

"Did he really say that?" I asked in a whisper. He didn't hear what I said but he took me talking as a sign that I could get up too.

"You can talk so you can walk. Get up." He yelled at me, grabbing me but the arms and pulling me into a standing position. I was really wobbly as I saw black spots clouding my vision. I had to hold on to Yzak's arms to steady myself.

"Listen if you can't even stand by yourself then I don't care anymore." He was mad at me. He pushed me off his arms and I fell really hard into the wall.

The impact winded me and my sore lower back hard a sharp pain in it. I was in so much pain and in fear that it hurt my child, I let out a scream after I couldn't catch my breath. I was crying and hyperventilating as I held my stomach.

Yzak whipped around and was at my side looking at me as I started him down in fear and pain.

"I'm sorry, what...why...just settle down." Yzak had a hand on my back and was trying to find out what was wrong with me. He lifted my hood and just about hit the wall himself.

"Cagalli?"

I just kept crying and trying to get my breath back.

"Ok, ok, let's just get you to the bed."

He lifted me up bridle style and stopped in his tracks just as he did so. One of his arms was under my legs and the other around my waist and hand resting on my stomach. I was almost five months pregnant, I know I'm skinny for being pregnant but you can still easily tell that I am.

"Your...pregnant...oh no, I just through you to the floor!" He realized too late.

He placed me on the bed and removed my coat and sweater with a little resistance from me. I didn't want him knowing.

"please no, don't." I said as he took of my sweater and my crying dwindled back down to pure exhaustion.

"Don't worry." He managed to say before doing to the bathroom and getting a cool towel.

I had fallen asleep before he got back but was terrified of what he would do with his new knowledge about my condition.

So, what did ya think? I've been feeling sick recently with a cold and it sucks cause I still have to go to class. You know what sucks; all my food is like fast and easy food and not the best for when you're sick. The nutritional food I have has to be made in the lounge down the hall where the oven is and I really don't feel like doing that when I'm sick (other residences failed meals and burnt dishes smell so bad, it's enough to make you sick). With that said, I haven't been working on this fanfic very much so I'm just on the beginning of part 11 and it's making me nervous cause I like to me a little ahead in order to change thing when stuff doesn't work out. So with that said tell me what you think and I'll try to write more so I can post more. Savvy?

evilace


	8. 8I forgot

I want to save you but I can't (part 8)

Thank you everyone for reviewing, it's nice to know that you guys are reading it and enjoying it.

Disclamer: Still the same.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yzak's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'I thought she died, how did she make it out alive?'

I placed the cool cloth over her forehead. She had worked up a sweat from all the crying. I couldn't blame her though. I had just thrown her against the wall, I mean she was so sick and the conditions she was kept in down in the cells, well no wonder she was so small and fragile.

I looked down at her stomach then pulled the covers over her frigid body.

"Little girl, what's wrong with you that Halmaya would do all this to you?" I asked her even more pissed now then I was before. How could any force do that to someone who didn't deserve it, torchered her, mentally scare her, through her around and even make her carry a child that she may never get to bring to life.

'Is this un-born child Athruns'?' I wondered as the afternoon turned into the evening .

!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up late the next day. It was around 6 at night and tried to sit up but couldn't. My back was so sore and I couldn't think straight.

"Athrun?" Where is Athrun, I want Athrun.

No one answers so I looked around to find that the other guy wasn't there. I held my stomach and found that everything seems normal.

"So your awake."

I looked over to the voice.

"..." I just kept looking at him.

"Here, you have to eat something, sit up." He walked over to me and helped me sit up on the bed. My back hurt so I clenched my teeth and whimpered as I slide to lean on the back board.

"This is just some regular chicken noodle soup, you should drink more liquids. It's not healthy to be that shinny and pregnant."

"I...I want to see...A- Athrun." I managed to get out.

"Just eat." He sat down on a chair and held the bowl out to me.

"no."

"I'm not telling Athrun about you, he has enough to deal with then knowing about you and a baby."

"no-o, don't tell-him about the baby."

"..."

"but please let me see him."

"I don't have to let you see anyone!" He stood up. "I am not letting you see Athrun, not for a long time."

"why?" I said as I started to cry really hard.

"In the beginning, I just thought he was helping a natural out and that's it. I had no idea he fell in love with you! He can't love you don't you understand that. He has responsibilities to his country and. I thought that you where dead and afterwards when he said he loved you I thought that it was for the best that you did die. Then he mentally went downhill but still, he is like a robot, doing what he has to do and that's it. If you go to him, he'll wanna run away with you, especially when he finds out your pregnant."

"I won't sob tell him."

"Ya well, when he finds your alive, he's gonna wanna do what created that," He pointed to my stomach. "and when he touches or sees your stomach, he's gonna know."

"Please let me see himsob I know what you're saying and its true, but Athrun looks so sad and I really need him because I love him just as much as he loves me."

"It doesn't matter! You're not seeing him and that's final." Yzak said.

I had to see Athrun, I love him so much, I just wanted him to hold me and keep our child safe. With a great deal of pain and tears running down my face. I got the my legs out of the blanket and swung them over the side of the bed. I was going to see Athrun myself.

"Don't you even try!" Yzak said as I tried to stand but ended up falling. Yzak caught me before I could hit the floor and lifted me up. He grabbed the top comforter and a pillow and brought me over to the closet.

"If you're gonna be difficult then I'm gonna lock you in hear." He dropped me in the closet and through the pillow and comforter over me. He closed the door and dragged a chair over and placed it in front of the door, then sat on it.

"Let me out." I yelled, and banged on the door.

"No, you can just stay in their till I can think of what to do with you."

"ATHRUN!!!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs hoping he'd hear.

"Listen Natural, if you do that again, I'm gonna pull you out and cut off your tongue, just like what they tell us to do when we first get you."

" ATHRUN!!!!!!" I screamed even louder than before.

I heard the scrapping of a chair moving away from the door and the door fly open. I closed my eyes tightly and my mouth even tighter.

He slapped me really hard. I opened my eyes and looked at him. I must have looked really pathetic or something because Yzak looked remorseful, looking away from my sitting position.

He closed the door again and dragged the heavy desk all the way over to the closet and jammed it against the door. He then left without saying a word.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yzak's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'I slapped her, fist I through her, then I drop her in a closet, then I hit her. What the hell is wrong with me, doing all that to a pregnant girl?'

I walked into the lounge and sat on the couch.

'All she was doing was trying to see someone she loved and I hit her. ' I felt like scum as I arose from the couch and went down the hall in the direction of the cafeteria. I saw Dearka in there filling up his tray with food. Either he was gonna eat it all, or some as for his natural, I didn't know, I guess what I'm saying is Dearka can sure pack it away.

"Hey Yzak." Dearka said bringing me put of my train of thought.

"How's your natural?" I asked.

"Hungry, I think, she doesn't talk too much. How about yours?"

"Fine." I said with no emotion.

"Well I'm gonna give this food to her and try to get a name out of her, do ya wanna come?"

"Sure, I got nothing better to do."

We walked down the hall and into Dearka's room which was just a little ways down from mine. His natural was siting on a chair looking at a wall. When we came, she briefly looked at us then got off her chair and hid under the desk. There was a blanket and a few pillows under the desk, it looks like Dearka had some trouble with his natural cooperation but I shouldn't be the one to talk about getting a girl to cooperate.

"Well, I was making progress, I got her to sit in the chair but I guess you scarred her back under the desk."

"Whatever."

Dearka walked up to the desk and kneed down, placing the food tray on the floor.

"I brought you some more food, will you tell me your name," he looked at her for a while "no, well you have to tell me eventually, and over there, that's Yzak, he won't hurt you or anything so you can come out if you want. Or not."

Dearka and I talked about what will happen in the future and stuff like that. I eventually fell asleep on the floor with a pillow under my head and Dearka did as well, halfway off the side of the bed. All the while I had a strange feeling I was forgetting something.

When I woke up late in the afternoon, I could feel the over-sleep having a sluggish effect on me and I was getting a headache. Dearka woke up just a little before me.

"Ya, I fell off the bed." Dearka said rubbing his arm that had fallen asleep.

"Ya well, my back is killing me, I slept on the floor."

"Why didn't you go back to your room?" He asked.

" I don't know, I just fell asleep."

"Well you'd better get you natural some more food."Dearka said.

My natural! I had forgotten. Including today, she hadn't eaten in two and a half days, since she didn't eat the soup. She also hasn't had anything to drink, she was probably dehydrated. 'This is bad, she hasn't eaten yet and that's just while she was with me. She probably didn't get fed while down in the cells.'

"Yzak? Your getting paler than usual." Dearka said.

"I have to go." I walked out of Dearka's room and into the cafeteria, loaded up a tray with soups, breads, fruits and other foods and went quickly back to my room.

"Cagalli?" I asked when I enter my room. I had turned the lights on and looked to the closet. The desk hadn't been moved and the room was dead silent.

"Hey talk to me Cagalli, wake up." I said putting down the tray and moving the heavy desk over to one side.

I opened the closet door. Cagalli was curled up, lying on the floor and unconscious. I bent over and shook her to get up. She wasn't moving and she was barely breathing. 'Oh god, what have I done.' I lifted her up and moved her over to the bed. She was so cold.

"Cagalli, you have to wake up, please wake up." I said stroking her swollen cheek.

No response...

"WAKE UP, I can't take you to the infirmary, no one will help you and they might even notice your pregnant. They kill you for sure if they find out."

No response...

"What about Athrun, you'll never see him again if you don't get up and eat something."

No response...

"PLEASE, I'm begging you, don't die, this is my entire fault."

"...mmmh..." She opened her eyes ever so slightly. "don't...hurt ...me."She said in a whisper.

"Here, eat, you have to eat." I sat behind her on the bed and pulled her entire frame into my lap. She was so cold to the touch; I wrapped her in a blanket and started to feed her the soup. She ate the whole thing and a cracker, she also had a few sips of water before falling asleep in my arms.

"Athrun..." She said before falling into a deep sleep. I watched her sleep, taking deep breathes.

What the hell was I doing! What the hell was I gonna do?

"Maybe I should give you back to Athrun, you've suffered more than he has, and you need him." I said into her soft hair. I couldn't put her down, I just kept holding her until an announcement was made for all commanding pilots to meet in the hangers.

I put her down on the bed and got her sweater from the floor I pulled it over her head and down her chest with a blush on my face, I got another blanket from the closet to put over her. I also left out the rest of the food she hadn't eaten on the tray. I turned around and took off my t-shirt and pants to change into my uniform. I walked out of the room and locked the door from the outside before leaving for the hanger.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Father had called a meeting and I happened to be the first one to arrive followed by the rest of the 50 or so commanders. I stood dead centre and looked up to the place my father was to talk from. Yzak was the first to stand by me.

"We have to talk later." He said.

"About what." He was probably gonna say, get your act together or something to that affect.

"Something you lost." Was all he said. I lost a lot of things; he'd have to be more specific.

"This has been a tiring week for all," My Father started. "We have won a great battle on earth, we have defeated all of the Capital Cities that stood in our way and killed most of the filthy naturals we came upon," there was a cheer for some of the older commanders but a lot of the younger ones either pretended to cheer or just stood there and kept listening.

"However, as we have killed many naturals, we still haven't killed or captured them all. We will be heading to plants in a short while and there, deploy smaller teams to captor and destroy smaller cities, then town and so on till they are all eliminated!"

I started to leave even before he was finished.

"Hey Wait." Yzak was following me.

I stopped and waited for him to catch-up.

"What do you want?" I asked remembering that he wanted to talk to me.

"I don't know if I want to tell you anymore, just never mind." Yzak said as he started to walk away.

"I'm sorry Yzak, I'm just not all here, and what did you want to tell me? I'm listening."

"The girl I took from the cell..."

"Ya what about her?" I asked.

" I think she was really sick because she slept for well over two days and when she did come to, she must have tried to make it to the bathroom but instead fell on the floor, she couldn't stand. I was trying to feed her and I got mad at her cause she wouldn't get up; I kind of through her against a wall."

I kept listening.

"She got winded, and well, she has this condition to worry about and became scared and started crying and hyperventilating."

"You didn't kill the girl did you?" I asked hoping he didn't.

"Almost, just shut up and listen."

"Ok, ok"

"So, she started to run and I put her in a closet and she started to scream his name," He looked at me before continuing "Well I kinda got mad again and slapped her pretty hard, she shut up after that but not before giving me the saddest look I've ever seen. I then left and didn't come back for a day. She had previously been out for two days and I hadn't given her anything to eat, when I realised this, I ran back and found her unconscious. I eventually woke her up and got her to eat something and I think she's fine now."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked as he looked at me, regret showing throughout his face.

I wonder if Yzak will tell Athrun or not...I don't know, oh wait yes I do! hehe! Well the semester is almost coming to an end in my colllege and I have a ton of final projects, essay adn tests to do. I'm kind of glad I write these stories far in advance becasue if I didn't, I probabably wouldn't be updating for about a month. So hopefully I don't die after doing all my projects and presentations. Well at least I can look forward to christmas break in like three to four weeks. Well tell me if you liked it, tell me if you don't.

Evilace


	9. 9spit it out

I want to save you but I can't (part 9)

Hey everybody. Thanks for reviewing, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yzak kept looking at me, as if he had hurt someone very dear to him. He just told me how mad he got at this poor girl for being scared and calling out for help, how he threw her and she cried then got even more upset when he put her in a closet. Next he tells me he hit her to make her shut up and hadn't given her anything to eat, almost killing her.

'She would have done better back in the cells.' I though angrily because Yzak didn't do my saving someone plan very well but then again I didn't even do it.

"You see..." He looked away from me. "I didn't know what she looked like or anything, she was wearing a hood and..."

"So you don't like the way she looks? Listen Yzak, You've been prolonging telling me something so just spit it out already or I'm leaving." Yzak didn't move so I walked past him and headed for my room, I just wanted to sleep.

"It was her sad amber eyes. I knew I had seen them somewhere before." I heard Yzak say as I was half way down the hall. I stood absolutely still.

"I hadn't seen her face till after I had thrown her again the wall. She has such a sad but beautiful face," He paused again "and such soft blond hair."

I whipped around and looked at his downward cast face. I wasn't breathing, my chest hurt like hell and my head felt heavy.

"She kept calling 'Athrun'...she...wait." I hadn't given Yzak the time to finish as I sprint full speed down the hall headed for Yzak's room. The door was locked so I turned to go after Yzak to get him to open it before I broke it down, metal or not, it would come down.

"You bastard, open it!" I yelled at Yzak before grabbing his collar and slamming him into the door.

"no" he said.

"I'll kill you." I said in deathly calm and in all seriousness, especially if I find out what he did to her is true.

"..." Yzak reached over and opened the door before I dropped him to the floor and ran in the room.

I saw her lying on Yzak's bed, in the same position she was in the dream I had were she was being held in the cell. She was breathing normally but looked a little pale...and her cheek was swollen.

I lost it all and now I had it back. I couldn't have cared less if my Father was standing right behind me; I ran over and held her, crying into her hair.

"Athrun" she mumbled as her eyes slowly opened. "I love you." She said before falling back into an exhausted sleep.

Without saying a word I picked her up and walked past Yzak without even looking at him. I walked down the hall a little ways and opened my door, finding my bed within seconds. I held Cagalli as I fell asleep, with her head pressed into my chest, like a hug.

"I will never loss you again." I said hugging her tighter and falling asleep myself. My first night of sleep in almost five months.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up the next morning feeling very much at ease. I found myself being held protectively in someone's arms and at first I thought it was Yzak and was about to struggle but it felt more familiar and full of love. I remembered a dream I had last night, about Athrun finding me and knew in that instant that it wasn't a dream.

"Athrun?" I asked.

"Are you feeling better?"

"ATHRUN, it is you!" I started to cry, grabbing a hold of his t-shirt and letting my tears soak it.

"Athrun, I thought I'd never see you again." I said through my sobs.

"I thought you were dead." He said, letting a few tears slide down his face and into my hair. "I was nothing after I thought you died; I was in so much pain."

"I survived the crash and was found by the Archangel. I thought of you every day and cried every night you weren't there." I looked up into his eyes. "I wanted so badly to call out for you when I saw you in the cells."

"Why didn't you?" he asked burying his face in the crook of my neck.

"I can't tell you why, but I do love you so much." He started kissing my neck and moving his hands down to my waist. I stopped him before he could touch my midsection. "Athrun, I'm so hungry." I said, hopping he wouldn't think that I didn't want him to continue.

"Right, you've barely had anything to eat; I'll go get you some food." He kissed me softly, or what began as softly and deepened very quickly, before he left.

"WAIT, Athrun, I forgot, Miriallia!" I remembered at the last minute.

"Who?" Asked Athrun.

"She was a girl who helped me a lot, and was one of the friends Kira tried to protect." When I mentioned Kira, Athrun flinched ever so slightly.

"She's still in the cells." I finished hopping he'd get the point and try to help her.

"I'll get Dearka or someone to go and get her." He said before he left to get me some food.

"I love you." I said before he left.

"As do I." I heard from behind the door.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Dearka's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Dearka" I heard my name being called as I turned the corner from Yzak's room. It turns out that the girl he had, happened to be Cagalli and when he told Athrun, Athrun kinda went crazy, especially when he found out what Yzak had done to her.

"What?" I aksed while turning around to see Athrun coming towards me, his eyes were different, they were, happier and more hopeful, I think. "Oh, Athrun, I heard about Cagalli, don't be too hard on Yzak, at least he told you he had her, he wasn't even going to tell you because he thought it would make you do emotional thing and in the end, get both that girl and you killed."

"Well, I won't get us killed, especially her, I'll never let her go again. But that's not why I want to talk to you."

"What is it?"

"There's this girl that Cagalli came here with and Cagalli doesn't want her to get hurt."

"So what do you want me to do about it, I already got a natural." I said.

"Well your natural is quiet and never says anything right? Just give her to Yzak and then take Cagalli's friend." He suggested.

"Ok, so I guess I can just go down there and tell them I'm getting you a natural since you haven't picked one out yet, so what's her name?"

"She was on the ship that saved Cagalli and I think she knew Cagalli before everything happen, a Miriallia." Athrun said.

"Was the ship she was on the Archangel?"

"How did you know that?"

"I've met her before, I'll go get her but I don't think she'll be happy to see me." She probably won't even want to come with me.

"Thanks man." Athrun said before walking into the Cafeteria.

I walked quickly to the cells and told the guard I was picking another girl for Athrun so he let me in without caring much. Inside was a lot more deserted know, only about 12 girls left out of 50. 'Is Miriallia even here?' I thought before walking around and looking at each ones face.

"Miriallia." I whispered as I walked along for a second look. No one answered and to my despair, she had already been taken.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Miriallia's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!

When Cagalli was taken, I felt so alone. I knew that boy, Dearka but I didn't want to say anything and I certainly didn't want to go with him. I sat in the cell after Cagalli left and thought about what I could do. Nothing was the answer, I couldn't do a single thing, and my life was going to end being beaten/raped by some ruthless guy! Many girls have died that way and I'm sure they didn't want that fate, me included. Hours passed and I thought that by now that man that looked angry had already found out Cagalli's secret and killed her and her child. Three days had passed and I hadn't seen Cagalli or even heard from her. I started to cry as so many of the other girls were doing

Just as I was crying a few coordinators had come down to take their pick. I hadn't noticed them come in so when one of them pulled me out a let out a startled cry.

"Don't cry sweet heart, you're a pretty little thing aren't you?" This man must have been 19 or 20. He had light green hair that was short and messy, and silver eyes.

"I'll take this one, she looks pretty and young," he looked down at me "what's your name and how old are you natural?"

"I'm not telling you." I said, fear present in my voice. He started laughing and dragged me back to his room.

I was practically tripping, due to his speed, but he never stopped, just kept dragging. When we reached his room, his roommate was there.

"Yo, man you got a natural? I don't feel right doing anything to any of those girls." He said in shock.

"Oh shut-up and leave, who asked you anyways." His roommate left and I found myself alone with this man. He dropped me very roughly on his bed and turned around locking the door. He went over to his closet and pulled out a few belts and a hunter's knife. When I saw the knife, my stomach twisted in complete fear.

"I've never done this to a natural before. All I know is that I have to silence you first so, I'd appreciate it if you tell me your name before I cut out your tongue."

"DONT YOU DARE COME NEAR ME!" I yelled at him and ran for the door.

He caught my arm before I could punch in the code I saw him type. He laughed again and used one of the belts to tie up my hands. He then walked over to the bed post and tied the other end of the belt to it. I was kneeling of the floor when he went over to get another belt.

"It doesn't matter what happens to your back, all I wanna see is your pretty face, and the front of your body." He then started beating me with the leather beat.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH" I screamed.

"Quiet now, you can't stop what I'm gonna do to you so why don't you just be quiet till it's done and then maybe tell me your name. Maybe if I now your name, I'll end it quickly so you won't have to suffer as much." He whispered beside my ear. He pulled out some duct tape and taped up my mouth.

"I changed my mind about your tongue, I'm gonna want it later." He continued to beat my back about 10 more times before I blacked out, I wasn't out for very long since he poured cold water on me.

"Don't fall asleep honey, I'm not done." He took off the tape covering my mouth.

"You see this knife," he held up the hunter knife, the one that made me wanna through-up "If you tell me your name, I won't use this on you." He grabbed my thigh and looked at me lustfully. "We can just go right to having fun."

"gaspsob ...mmy...name is...Hanya." I lied

"That's a good girl." He untied my arms and took off my jacket. The blood coming from my back, soaked up in my jacket and my spaghetti strap shirt underneath was almost ripped to shreds in the back. He went to pick me up and move me to the bed when I got my chance and kicked as hard as I could to a place where he was going to violate me with and ran!

I opened the door and booked it out of there in a direction I had no clue where it lead. I guess the adrenaline kicked out half way down the hall and my back started to become in flamed with pain.

"Miriallia?" I heard a voice call behind me. I looked and found the Buster pilot, Dearka.

"Don't worry Mir, I'll help you..." was all I heard before I passed out on the floor.

So, Athrun knows about Cagalli now, but what's gonna happen when he finds out about the baby? I have a lot of projects to do in the next three weeks but I hope I can still update. Again, thanks for all the reviews.


	10. 10Cold?

I want to protect you but I can't (part 10)

Today I finished my english presentation so I feel a little better about my work load, but only a little. I still have a lot to do so I wont talk long.

Disclamer: Still the same.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I watched Cagalli eat the bread that I got her. That's all I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Watch her and touch her. 'That sounds creepy' I thought. 'But true.'

"Cagalli, let me get you different clothes, those ones look warm." I said touching her arm.

"No, I'm cold." She said looking pleadingly at me.

"OK, if you want, I could get you a sweater, or keep the clothes you have on, whatever you want to do." I said, hoping she'd spend most of the time under the covers without clothes on.

"A sweater sounds nice." She said quietly.

"Wait here and I'll be back in a half an hour." I said before running off to the city of New Junius Seven.

Since the last stand, about five months ago, when I lost Cagalli, we had gone around easily and taken cities just like this one, just as quickly. I walked outside of the ship passing by the security with a salute. The soldiers were allowed to leave the ship as they pleased and enter the city for supplies and other things such as drinking and partying. I walked up the main street and entered a shop where the manikins were nicely dressed. I was greeted by one of the crew members that remembered as a cafeteria worker.

"Wow, someone is actually planning on buying clothes here?" He asked me. I knew he had a sense of humour and was a trustworthy man.

"Yep, I wanna buy my friend some clothes." I told him.

"Friend? As in a girl? Most guys go to the 'bras and stuff store' down the street." He looked at me like I was weird.

"Well, my friend is a girl, but she's cold." I reported.

"COLD? Man kid, you don't know anything! When a girl tells you she's cold, it means she wants you to warm her up." He said as my face warmed up.

"Really?" I asked. "I guess so, but I had better buy her the clothes anyways." I said placing some different sweaters and a few other clothing items I thought looked good on the manikins. I guessed her sizes which might get me into trouble later.

"Ok, but be sure to go to the shop I suggested down the street." He winked at me as he said it and rung in the last item of clothes.

"Thanks, put it on my tab." I said as I left the store and went to the store down the street. 'Just looking won't hurt.' I thought as I entered the shop.

!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!

It took Athrun about 52 minutes to return. I was watching the clock; I didn't want him to leave my side at all since he found me. As soon as 30 minutes went by, I started to panic. As soon as he walked into the door carrying a few bags, I ran up to him and grabbed onto his shirt, digging my face into his chest.

"You took too long." I told him. His face looked a little red.

" I'm sorry love." He said before holding me and closing his eyes, resting his head on top of mine. We enjoyed one of our moments of peace and happiness together before I asked what he had got me. I had taken a shower in the time he was gone and I wanted to get out of these smelly clothes.

" I also bought you some underwear." He told me, not looking at my face.

"..." I didn't know what to say to that so I just picked out some clothes to put on, as well as some of the underwear and bras he got me. 'Some of these look a little trampy.' I thought turning around to go change in the bathroom.

"You're gonna change in the bathroom?" Athrun asked as an open question.

'He wants to watch me change.' I thought panicking.

"I mean, well...I've already...you know...seen you and I thought that maybe..." Athrun couldn't put the sentence together.

"I just want to change without anyone watching." I said hoping he wouldn't push me further; I didn't want him to find out about the baby yet.

"You look beautiful; I just want you to know that." Athrun said. I turned around and for once in a long time, I gave him a genuine smile and not just a normal smile, but a happy one. "Thank you." I said and Athrun looked taken back, his eyes wide and cheeks red.

I changed quickly and returned to the room. I wore dark jeans that where low rise, they were the only ones that would fit under my bump. The shirt under my thick wool sweeter was an empire waste spaghetti strap shirt that flared under my chest and came back in below my hips. All together I looked pretty good I thought, and so did Athrun.

!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Come and sit." She looked pretty in those clothes but I didn't exactly want them on her.

"I'm tired." She said as she curled up beside me. I leaned down and started to kiss her. She had slept all night and she had been sleeping while with Yzak so this was probably one of those things girls did, like saying their cold.

"mmph...ath...run mmmmph." She said as I went for the zipper on that bulky sweater I bought her. 'Why did I buy that thing anyways?' I thought as I felt her hands pushing against my chest.

"What's wrong?" I asked looking at her.

"I..." She started to get up, but I stopped her.

"Cagalli, I haven't been with you in a long time, don't you want to be together." I asked her kinda hurt.

"I do, it's just that...I'm sorry." She started to cry and I didn't understand what was happening.

"Don't cry, you're supposed to be happy!" I started yelling at her. I didn't want to but I was mad at myself. It was all supposed to be better now. I found her and we were going to escape and be together. What if this was all the stuff I wanted and she was unhappy with me.

"Cagalli, I love you and I want to be with you. You know this. Do you feel the same? I don't want to make plans and make you follow them. I'll do whatever you want, just stay with me." I was crying and dipped my head low towards her chest.

"I want to be with you too Athrun, I love you more than you love me." I heard her say those words and I rested my head on her stomach.

I heard her gasp but was in too much shock to remove my head. After about a half a minute my head shot up and my eyes looked towards Cagalli's. Her eyes were wide and her face was ghost white.

"You're pregnant?" I asked in a dry voice.

"It looks like you picked a winner, son." Out of all the damn times, my Father turned up at the moment I found out Cagalli was pregnant with my child. I became defensive over my love, and our child.

"FATHER, I found her first so I get her." I zipped up her sweeter.

"Pregnant, you want that tramp and some other guy's baby, you know, it's probably that missing guy's child." I knew he was talking about the guy who tried to rape Cagalli, the one I took care of and who will remain missing forever.

"I don't care; I'll use her however I want." She was behind me and holding onto my shirt.

"Give her to me Athrun!"

"No way in hell!" I was ready to take him out.

"GUARDS!" My Father yelled and I soon found myself face down on the floor and thrashing wildly. I was kicked a few times in the stomach which didn't affect me as much as they thought.

"PLEASE STOP!" I heard Cagalli scream as she started slamming her fists into the back of the man who was kicking me. My Father came up behind her and grabbed her arm, pulling her away from me.

"Let her go you bastard." It was then that I was hit in the head.

"NO ATHRUN!" I heard Cagalli scream.

"Take him to the cells to cool off for a couple hours." Father said before I blacked out.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"What are you gonna do?" I asked Zala as he pulled me across the hall to what looked like his room.

"What made you so bold all of the sudden?" Zala said before tossing me onto the floor. I landed weird but it didn't hurt too much so I thought I was ok.

"Please I just want to know; I know I can't do anything to get away," I was still sobbing from before "so I'd like to know what you're going to do to my child and me."

"You and your Natural child don't deserve to live, but if you want to know so badly, I'll tell you what I have planned." He started at my stomach for a moment before looking back up to my face.

"I'm going to beat you till you can't move. Then I'm gonna watch as your child comes into this world still and dead before killing you as well." He said. I was horribly white and the tears in my wide eyes leaked down my face. I saw Zala's hand come up and fall, coming down hard to my face.

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Uhoh! Looks like trouble. Tell me if you liked this chapter or not, I'd like to know. Anyways, I'm going to work on some homework and good reviews might make me happy and then in my happiness, I might update again. Thanks for reading.

evilace


	11. 11Off on a Tangent

!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must have blacked out for a few minutes cause when I woke I was still in my room being hoisted up by two soldiers. A flood of memories came back to me at once but I couldn't move, my head was throbbing and the well delivered kicks to my abdomen were unfortunately starting to hurt.

Loud cries came from the room across from us and I knew they were Cagalli's. I had to move, I had to fight these guys and get Cagalli the hell out of here.

I opened my eyes and looked at the man in front of me. He hadn't noticed that I was awak yet but I happened to pick up on his conversation with the two other soldiers holding me. The soldier on my left was arguing with the other older ones.

"You heard what he said too." The younger one whispered to the one in front of me.

"Ya, how Chairmen Zala's gonna beat that girl till she gives birth to a dead child." The man one the right said.

"Even if we wanted to help we can't so let's just drop it and take him to the cells." The front one said.

He looked down at me and I dropped the three soldiers like I had never been wounded. I was so in raged; my father would kill his grandchild.

I took one of the soldier's guns and ran to my Fathers room.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I curled up on the floor against the walk, trying to protect my stomach from all the punches Zala through at me. He hit my upper chest more than anything. I was having problems breathing right. No matter how hard it was for me to take a breath, it seemed easy for me to scream at every blow. I was so terrified.

There is no escape. Athrun will get hurt because of me, but his Father still needs him, so he might still live. My child on the other hand, won't have a chance to. All it takes is one punch or kick directed at my stomach and it's all over. I don't even care about myself anymore; all I want is to give birth to a healthy baby boy. I started losing consciousness but I couldn't stop thinking about the last part. Me lying on a bed, maybe on that island Athrun and I landed on. Athrun just built a small two room house for us and I had just given birth. Athrun would be holding our little child as he sat beside me. Athrun would look so happy and I could feel at ease.

I stopped screaming as Zala stopped punching me. I was semi-conscious and could only heard soft, low talking. It felt like I was waking up in the morning but was still sleeping with my eyes closed. I was lifted up, I know that for certain but then I was out again before I knew it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!What happened to Miriallia and Dearka?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's kinda like a mini story sort of thing

Dearka's POV

I carried Miriallia to the medical unit as soon as she passed out. I didn't know what to do. Her back was soaked in blood and she was as pale as a sheet of paper. I was thinking about taking her back to my room but then what would I do, she needed professional help.

When I opened the medical doors I was met with faces that looked like they couldn't care less. I was carrying a bloodied girl in my arms, who could have been dead and all they did was look at me, look at her and then with the same expression tell me to put her with the rest and leave.

"What the hell! She needs help, she's still alive." I said moving her into an open room and onto a clean bed.

"Those are for wounded pilots." The nurse said in the said tone as if she was having a daily conversation.

"Don't you even care that she's hurt?" I asked looking at her.

"Alright, alright let's see her." The nurse walked over to Miriallia and checked her vital signs before shoeing be out and calling over a doctor.

I waited for what seemed...who am I kidding, it seemed like the 12 minutes it was. Stupid clocks everywhere, and always the ticking ones, and there are always more than one, ticking just slightly off of one another; no one can really notice un less you're been sitting there long enough. It's like trying to get to sleep after a long day and noticing the ticking of a clock.

The doctor came out and of course I blew it all out of proportion, she was malnourished, dehydrated, and had some blood loss. She had regained consciousness just as the doctor had put in an IV and I was allowed to take her with me just as long as I took the IV with use.

"Miriallia?" I asked as I popped my head into the door way.

"..."

She was in a hospital gown and sitting up on the bed.

"Are you ok?"

"...yes...I...well...thanks." She said as she started to cry,

"Hey stop that, we're trying to put more water in you, we don't need you to pour it out."

"Don' t let him take me again!" Miriallia said in a sudden panic and curled up bringing the blankets over her head.

"Who?" I asked as I turned around and say one of the GINN pilots limping this way with a nasty look on his face.

He was about to enter the room when I stepped out in front of him. We where both the same size and if I remember correctly, he was maybe a couple months or so other than me.

"Get out of my way." He told me. "She's mine and I owe her for what she did to me earlier."

"So it was you who tortured her." I curled my fist.

"I picked her and I get her so back off." He said in an answer to my curled fist.

"OK now," the doctor said from behind us.

I turned to see Miriallia shaking but was sitting up again. The doctor walked over to her and she whispered something in his ear.

"This girl," the doctor said pointing to Miriallia, "says whoever says her real name is the person who took her and she already told me her name so, what is it?"

"Her name is Hanya." The cocky bastard said stepping out from behind me and walking towards her.

"Nope." Said the doctor stopping the man in his tracks, "What do you think her name is?" The doctor asked me.

"Miriallia." I said smiling at her.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Miriallia's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dearka carried me to his room holding an IV bag over his head the whole time and looking at me.

"What's going to happen know?" I asked him casue I really didn't know what I was going to say to him.

He paused for a moment and I realized we were right outside his door. He was still looking at me as he answered.

"I suppose we just live till we can't." He replied.

"So no promises?" I asked him hoping for something I could hang onto.

"It's like one of my friend's said once when he had something import to look after, 'I want to protect you but I can't." Dearka said.

"...that sound like a cheesy song or story title." I commented as my eye lids became heavier.

"I thought it sounded rather clever." Dearka said before remember something important.

"Cagalli!" I said sitting up in an instant.

"It's alright, settle down." He said as his hands gently touched my shoulders. He wasn't hurting me or anything but I instantly shifted out of his hold and fell to the floor, ripping the IV line out of my arm. I struggled to get up and run to the door.

Dearka caught me before I could make it out and held me tightly to his chest. I was scared of being hurt by the man who tortured me before. I don't know why Dearka had scared me by just touching me but I did know that I had to get out. Dearka was being so nice to be and I felt so bad when I screamed as his chest came crashing into by whipped back.

"I'm so sorry...I..." He tried to help me off the floor where he dropped me when I screamed.

"...I'm sorry...your being so nice...I don't know why I tried to run." I felt so ashamed when he placed me back into his bed.

"I know you've been through a lot so I understand." He said sitting on the edge of my bed.

"I didn't come on this ship alone, my friend Cagalli came with me." I told him hoping he had some information or could get something about Cagalli and how she was doing. I looked at his face pleadingly and he looked back at me with a soft smile.

"Cagalli was the one who told us to get you." He told me.

"How is she?" I asked naturally.

"She's doing ok. Yzak accidentally hurt her though. Athrun was furious."

"Who are they?" I didn't recognise those names.

"You saw Yzak when he got Cagalli is those cells. He had a mean expression." OK now I know who that is. Dearka must have taken my expression as a positive identification cause he went on.

"And Athrun was the other one with blue hair, he looked sad."

"Why was he sad?" I asked not knowing why that little missing piece of information was so important to me.

"He was the one who saved Cagalli when she first was taken prisoner on this ship. He loves her." Dearka said and I finally found the fourth ace in the card game. 'So all those times I thought Cagalli was sad because of what was done to her, were really moments she missed him.' I knew the feeling which is why I finally figured it out.

"I think...sob... she loves him more than anything too..." I cried myself to sleep that night, or maybe it was Dearka's rocking me back and forth in his arms. Either way I fell asleep and for once in a long time, I felt warm and safe for the short moments of that night.

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I konw I went off on a tangent with the whole Mirriallia and Dearka thing. I know people wanna know about Athrun and Cagalli and if I'll kill the baby (your confindence in my kindness is reasuring --) But dont worry, if I kill the baby, I will defenatly kill Cagalli too. But I dont know (yes I do) what I'm gonna do with them. So anyways Christmas is almost here agian and I havent started shopping yet. Christmas shopping is one of the reasons I dont like christmas all that much. I do like the fact that I come for a Belgian falimy so when I go to my Nana and Papa house christmas eve, I get a ton of Belgian chocolate and cookies SO tell me if you likes this chapter or not. I wont be able to update till next thuesday so I hope you can wait, it has Athrun and Cagalli in it. SO review or just read, what ever you want to do, just enjoy.


	12. 12click

I want to protect you but I can't (part 12)

Disclamer: I own a stick of gum and a hefty debt! Nothing else!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had the loaded gun in my hands. I didn't even have to think, all I had to do was fire it and kill that bastard, it was so simple but I had to talk to him. I had to let my damn pride get in the way and had to tell him off. I saw Cagalli lying on the floor protecting her stomach with dear life and I just had to tell my father where he could go but I never sent him there.

Someone came up behind me and bashed me in the back of the head. You'd think that I would have blacked out by now but no, it was nothing like that. My mind was traveling millions of miles a second. All the thoughts told me to get the hell up and get Cagalli and our child the hell out of there but my body wouldn't move.

"You should have just left." I heard the voice of the person who hit me whisper.

"Yzak? Well this is unexpected. I thought you were his friend." My Father said.

"I was his friend. I just can't stand by while the Chairman is about to be shot." Yzak only looked at My Father the whole time.

"Take Athrun down to the cells...and take this one too, I want him awake while I torture her. Plus I think I've discover who the real Father of her retched child is. Put them in adjacent cells and make sure they can see each other."

"Yzak you bastard." I was able to say while more soldiers came in and dragged me away. Yzak didn't look at me; he instead walked over to Cagalli and lifted her up, following the soldiers who were dragging me.

It all felt so hopeless. I would have given anything to have just taken back all that time I spent getting Cagalli that lingerie and ran away with her not caring if she was clothed or not. Damn I was going to lose her again.

"mnh...athrun..." I heard from behind me.

"Shut up!" Yzak told her as he slowed down; she had begun to wake up and started moving in Yzak's hold.

"ATHRUN...NO WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HIM." She was really struggling and it was breaking my heart that I couldn't move my body at all.

"Cagalli, I'm here." I said hoping she'd here but instead ended up blacking out, whether I was hit again by the soldier or not, I don't know.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yzaks POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"No please let him go." Cagalli said holding onto my jacket.

"..."

"Tell them that he didn't know anything, please...I know it's too late for me but please don't let your friend die." She was pleading with me and I felt guilty.

"Stop struggling, you're just going to hurt yourself." She then started thrashing, I couldn't stand it anymore. I through her back into the nearest wall and she started gasping as I held her there.

'I should never have children, just look what I'm going to this pregnant girl' I thought to myself in self loathing but had to keep up my soldier attitude. I didn't want to turn Athrun and Cagalli in but just look at the mess. Athrun was going to kill the chairman. I thought maybe that he would get her to safety or something, well at least that's what I was hoping.

"Don't, make me hurt you." I told her.

"ATHRUN!" She was becoming more and more frantic as they dragged Athrun further and further away from her vision.

"Shut Up! If you don't stop, I WILL take care of all your fears about your baby dying myself!" I hate myself.

Cagalli stopped struggling and looked directly at me with as much fear in her eyes as she had the first time I pulled her out of Athrun's closet. She had tears in the corner of her eyes and shook in my grasp.

"That's better." I had both of her arms pinned on either side of her as I held her in a death grip, her back against the wall. I let one of her arms go so I could lift her back up but as soon as I let her arm go she sank to the floor and brought her knees up to protect her stomach.

"Get up!" I said feeling déjà vu.

"...sob..."

"..." I knelt down beside her and moved my lips to her ear so that only she could hear, pretending that I didn't notice the flinch away from my approaching face. "If you let me carry you, I'll take you to where Athrun is...I'm sure he'll save you and find a way to save you three."

"...mhn..." She moved her head in understanding and let me lift her up. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hid her face in my shoulder.

"...Athrun...mhnsave...please..." She mumbled as I walked towards the cells and realise she fell asleep. 'no wonder Athrun fell in love with her.' I thought and then felt even guiltier with each second I spent with her.

!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's Pov!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was Cagalli and I was happy. I was still woozy and I felt so tired, I fell asleep again. While I was dreaming I kept asking myself 'why is she so far away?' I opened my eyes again to find us separated my two sets of bars and about 5 meters.

"Cagalli!" I yelled across to her as I crawled up to the bars. She had bruises on her face and on her bare arms. She was wearing a short sleeve shirt.

"Cagalli, please wake up and let me know your ok." She didn't. I could see her shivering and breathing so I thought she was somewhat ok, well at least alive.

My cell was bare and so was hers. We were both lying on the floors of our 15ft by 14 ft cells; they didn't even have toilets in them. I wanted so badly for there to be a bed or something so I could get her some blankets to keep her warm. I myself had a T-shirt and sweat pants on so I was no help.

A soldier walked by on patrol so on a chance that he only thought I was being punished but was still considered one of them, I asked him.

"Can you do me a favour and get her a blanket or something, she's shaking, and she's so cold."

He looked at her and then back at me. "She just a natural, who cares."

"God man, look at her, she's pregnant and freezing!" I yelled. He readied his gun as I started to get up from the floor.

"Why does that matter, she'll probably be killed because of her condition anyways."

"So just because she's a natural means she's NOTHING?" I was getting mad. "LOOK AT HER DAMN IT! She's just a young girl and she's beaten senseless. She's probably scared out of her mind, being pregnant and down here and you can't even give her a blanket!" I charged at the door to strangle the man behind it.

'click' was the sound that echoed through the halls of the prison. That one sound changed the fate of Cagalli forever.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yzak POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Evilace I thought that that would be the PERFECT place to stop but I've only wrote like three pages worth of story. Three pages aren't very much so I guess a little bit of Yzak and Shiho would be nice of me. I hope people like that couple. I know this is a Cagalli and Athrun fanfic so I hope people don't mind me putting Dearka, Miriallia, Yzak and Shiho in it. )

I walked to my room feeling so depressed. Cagalli's sad and scared eyes still burnt into my brain. I'm such a heartless person.

Since Nicol died everything has been different. He was never really good at fighting, the coward. He died and so did Athrun's friend. Athrun changed so much when he came back to us after the fight, he didn't know what to believe in. He was living a lie to begin with, fighting his friends and pretending he loved someone he didn't.

Dearka was one of the only people I could talk to in all my years in Zaft, he was a comrade and someone who hadn't died. When he was capture or at least when I thought that he had died, I was alone. I reached my room and pulled off my shirt and boots before curling up on the top blanket covering my bed. Sighing, I closed my eyes.

Flash Back!

_I just returned from the battle to find that I was the only one who had. _

_"Where the hell is everyone?"_

_The crew quickly filled me in on the current situation and I was enraged. __I was injured, my arm was fractured and my head was banged up pretty good. _

_But that didn't stop me, w__hen I got back to my courter's I destroyed my room. I had been out in the same room as Dearka so I also had a go at some of his possessions, cursing him for not being there to stop me. I ended my destructive path in the corner of my room, knees brought up to my chest and me breathing hard. _

_I fell asleep on the floor that night. No one ever came in to check on me or give me a report or anything. It was one of the worst sleeps I've ever had in my life, I was so restless and so out at the same time. _

_I woke up feeling very hot and sweaty, whipping the covers off my body...wait covers?_

_I was still in my room and it looked like nothing happened the night before, the whole room was clean and tidy. No one was aloud in an elite soldier's room, so who did all this. I was feeling so destructive that I decided who ever it was; I'd punish personally...maybe after a shower __and a lot of that medication they gave me for my arm and head pains_

_I finished my shower and went to the security division of the ship and found out that there are no video cameras on a ship._

_"__Ya__, too many things happen on a ship, so I guess the least you know or I guess in your case __see__ the better."_

_" I'll__ remember that." I said before leaving._

_I went back to the hanger to work my __Moble__ Suit. Well those labels they put on the medicine bottles are pretty much true; never work on machinery after taking medication because I fell asleep in the cockpit. It's not like I hadn't done it before, it's just that I had been working on it for like a half an hour before dozing off, usually it takes me hours. _

_Unlike the night before, this little nap was light so when I felt someone place a blanket over me, my eyes shot open._

_"YOU."__ I yelled before looking at the person. _

_The person must have been surprised by my sudden movements because they tried to get away. _

_"Oh no you don't!"__ I moved as fast as I could to get out of my machine. _

_I used both of my arms to lift me out of the cockpit and being the sleepy medicated person I was, I realised too late that my bad arm was sending jolts of pain up my arm as I moved it. I was still falling forward and I landed on the person who had tried to cover me up with the blanket._

_"__ugggggggg__." I groaned, holding by arm. _

_"Are you ok?" __Asked a feminine voice from underneath me._

_"Um," she continued as I looked angrily at her, "I'm sorry about the blanket, and from what I'm guessing you figured out, for going into your room." She avoided eye contact with me. I__ must look really mean right now. _

_"..." I was too unstable from everything that happened yesterday to feel safe giving her a somewhat kind response so I said nothing. I tried to get off her but by arm was in so much pain and the ground underneath my hand would have earned me a slap if I used it to push off of. I kind of felt my face get hotter when I looked at the 'ground.'_

_"Are you ok Sir? Your face is red. Is your arm hurting you again?" She asked me too many questions as she helped me up. I felt so useless._

_I stood on my own but she put looped her arm around my arm and lead me towards the door._

_"...I didn't ask for your help girl..." I said and she heard me._

_"Well I guess I'm not giving it then boy." She said but still didn't let go of my arm till I was back in my room. _

_"...__hn__..." I breathed as I pulled my arm away from her and went towards my bed. _

_That girl however followed me and even had the balls to go into my bathroom get a glass, fill it with water and bring it to me. I couldn't even tell her off because I was too speechless. 'What is she my wife now?__'_

_"You should really take better care of yourself," she said. "Because I'm not looking after your unthankful ass anymore...by the way just encase you forgot what my name was from prep school Mr. Yzak Joule, its __Shiho__." She finished and with that she left. _

_End of Flashback_

I felt someone come into my room. I knew who it was; I only let one other person come into my room nowadays. She walked over to my closet and pulled out a blanket; walking over to me she laid down in front of me so I could see her beautiful face in the dark light of the room. She placed the blanket over both of our bodies and cuddled into my chest as I held her close to my chest.

She put her ear up to my chest and listened to my heart beat.

"It only pumps cold blood." I said into her hair.

"You know that's a lie, your kinder then you think." Shinho said.

"..."

"Do you want to know something?"

"what?"

"Sometimes you think your face is mad, but in reality, you look so hurt."

I pulled her face away from my chest and looked at her.

"I feel guilty." I confessed.

"It shows. Your face is so easy to read my love."

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I am so glad it's Christmas Vacation! Last week I had so many exams...I hope I passed them. Anyways, I havent updated for like two weeks, I had to study lots and then get home. My laptop doesnt have wirless so I have NO internet conection. But on sheer chance, the last day of exams I happened to need the computer so I put two chapters up. So this is one of them, the other will be up when I get to it. I'm on my home computer and it's pretty slow. So I hope you like this chapter, tell me what you think.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Joyeux Noel

Evilace


	13. 13what's your favourite colour?

I want to save you but I can't (Part 13)

Disclamer: Thanks to christmas I now own a digital Camera! But still no Gundam Seed/destiny.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'click.' And the door to my cell opened.

I looked at it for what felt like an hour as I realised something, Yzak had put us both down here. He must have left my cell open so I could get out. 'It's almost perfect, the cells are on the bottom leave and are about a 15 minute walk down the hall and a flight of stairs to the hanger.'

The guard must have been about as surprised as I was because when I looked up at him, he was still processing the fact that the door was open.

I knocked the man out with a lot of rage and probably broke something in his face. I reached down and grabbed his key card to open Cagalli's cell. I put the card in my pocket and crouched down gathering Cagalli's beaten body into my arms, she was as cold as ice. I picked her up and exited her cell.

I didn't want to put her down, never again but I had to. Yzak was kind enough to help me save Cagalli, the least I could do was to not condemn him. I pulled the knocked out soldier over to my cell and made it look like I had grabbed him when he came to close to my cell. There are no cameras down here, too much illegal stuff happens for the military to want to keep tabs on it all.

I picked up Cagalli again. "Athrun?" She cried out as her eyes opened ever so slightly.

"Hush, love, I know and we're leaving." I kissed the top of her head and made the trip towards the hanger.

I wanted to get away FAST but not fast enough to draw attention. My head still hurt and Cagalli wasn't in any condition for me to start battling anyone on our way out.

A land escape would be our only option; the problem would be how easy it might be to get captured. I made up my mind and placed Cagalli into one of the skygraper's cockpit. No one was in that particular hanger at the moment so I thought that it would be safe enough to leave her there. I went to a locker room and pulled out a ton of blankets, food and water from the lockers and through it into a bag. I also grabbed two heavy black work coats. 'We're going to need them.' I thought.

"I'll be right back." I told the sleeping Cagalli as I placed the supply bag and the coats beside her.

I ran over to a transporting machine and got into the driver's seat. 'I guess we'll just drive till we can fly.' This has to work.

!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt so warm in Athrun's arms. I was sleeping so peacefully so when I woke and found Athrun looking lovingly down at me, I knew why. I was like what Yzak said, Athrun had saved us.

We were sitting in a skygrasper's cockpit and flying.

"Athrun...are you alright?" I asked remembering the beating he took when Zala found out I was alive and Athrun had me all along.

"Cagalli..." He was starting to cry.

"Athrun, if your hurt then maybe we should stop and rest." I suggested.

"No...It's not that, it's just that I was so scared about what happened to you. I'm so glad you're awake...how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine; I hope the baby is too. I protected him with my arms." I was holding my stomach, not knowing what I was looking for, but I never found it.

"That's a relief...so it's a boy?"

"Haha, yes...he's a boy and well... I made him a coordinator." I looked up at Athrun, almost like asking permission for something I'd already done.

"A coordinator...so what did you have done to him?" Athrun seemed to be apprehensive.

"I made him smarter and stronger, that's it. You know, he looks exactly like you. Blue hair and green eyes. Nothing like me."

"I can't believe I'm going to be a father. I know I'm young and so are you but, I really want this. I want our family." Athrun sounded like he gained some sort of invisible freedom, like he had just been freed from his cage.

"Athrun can we do something?"

"Anything."

"Can we play 'answer truthfully'?"

"What?" He didn't understand.

"It's a game I just made up. You have to answer 20 questions truthfully. Then I have to answer 20 questions truthfully. Ok so maybe it's a dumb game but can we please do it. I want us to know things about each other, like my plans for the future. That way you'll know what I expect and then I'll also in return know what you want in life."

"That sounds nice." He said hoping that I wasn't trying to trap him.

"Ok Athrun, what's your favourite colour?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fuel had run out and I landed us on the snow covered ground. We had a long way to go. We were still going to head north; it is an easy location to hide since there is nothing but ice covered mountains. These mountains made the perfect location for secret Natural cities and Rebel forces. It happens to be a place Zaft wants to destroy but because of its vast lands with large cities few and in between, they decided to come back later.

"Cagalli, we have to walk now." We had finished playing our game and she had fallen asleep. My head was in a lot of pain but I didn't want to worry her.

"Why don't we sleep here for the night and walk in the morning?"

"This machine is easy to spot. We should leave it and walk a bit before setting up camp for the night."

"Where are the cities from here?"

"I'm not sure. We'll have to search for them. But Cagalli lets tell them we're both naturals."

"I guess. But please, if you settle down and get a job, don't get anything even remotely related to the military."

"I think that we both agree on that." I jumped out on the plane and helped Cagalli down. We both had our heavy coats on and I had the bags slung over my back.

We walked for a long while until we reached mountains. It was getting dark and our noses were about to fall off.

"Athrun, can we please find a cave or something, I'm so cold."

"That sounds smart." I was noticing that Cagalli started to walk a little slower and was slouched over.

"Are you feeling ok Cagalli?"

"Mmh, just tired and my stomach is upset."

We found a small cave in the side of a mountain. We had been walking through the mountain valleys and noticed that the snow was starting to pick up velocity. I searched the Cave and found it empty, I also found a huge boulder beside it.

"A door." I stated.

"I think it going to become a blizzard out here; we're going to need a good door." Cagalli said, she sounded exhausted.

"Let's get inside."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Athrun was so gental when he tended to the bruses on my chest where Zala kicked me. He rubbed the ointment into the yellowing bruises. It actually felt nice the only problem was that it was cold outside my coat and I wanted back in.

"Can I see your head now?" I asked.

"Sure but it's not that bad."

"Sure it's not." I placed his head on my lap and brushed his hair off of his pale skin. I could feel his eyes looking at my face. I looked into his beautiful green eyes and he kept looking into mind.

I didn't know what to say so I just leaned down and kissed him softly. I brought his hand up to my stomach, took of his gloves and placed his bare hands under my coat. They were kind of cold but I didn't care. My head was bent down and my forehead touched his.

"I'm sorry I got you into this Athrun." Athrun was exhausted too and I could tell he was falling asleep because his eyes were closed and his breathing was constant.

"I'm not...I love you...both..." And with that Athrun fell asleep.

They were in the back corner of the cave, covered in coats and blankets, Athrun asleep on Cagalli's lap and Cagalli's head against the wall with only a hat separating it.

Mourning Came and When as well as the afternoon and night.

Athrun had been awake since 10 am but Cagalli kept sleeping, with Athrun's close eye on her breathing. He had repositioned her and made a better bed out of the supplies for her to sleep on. He also collected water and food but returned to find her still asleep mind you he didn't go too far. He cuddles next to her when he had nothing else to do and found that the best part of the day, best parts of his life really.

It wouldn't be till the next day when she would wake up and they would both be on their way again.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's the end of chapter 13 folks! In my head the whole story was supposed to end here but then I felt like adding a whole other part so it's going to continue for a while. I've been writting more chapters with my laptop since it has no internet and I'm on chapter 16 and not even finished the first part of my idea. Well I hope everone had a great christmas or holdiday or what ever. I hate it when people say that "Merry Christmas is politically incorrect" because if someone says happy hanukkah to me(just an example cause I dont celebrate hanukkah), I'm not gonna get all defensive. I'm just gonna say "happy hanukka" back. I mean since when did a holiday greeting become something so bad. Anyways Happy New years! If your new years doesnt start for a while then still, Happy New Years. People are always sad when Christmas and new years is over cause they have to go back to school but I'm not! My birthday is January 10th! I'm gonna be 19 so in Canada (Ontario) terms, I'm buying the booze! Too bad I hate drinking. SO thanks for reading and I'll try to post chapter 14 before my Birthday.

evilace


	14. Night time stories

I want to protect you but I can't (part 14)

Disclamer:same

So here we go...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Athrun...sob please help...please...AHHHHHHHHHH" Cagalli was crying and screaming in pain and it was my entire fault, wasn't it always my fault.

I was looking at her from a distance. We were both lying on a cold surface and we were looking at each other, separated by bars. Cagalli was covered in blood and sweat.

Someone walked in front of my view but I could make out who it was." Help her please, my wife and baby." I said.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Cagalli screamed behind him. Then the man talked.

"She can't be yours. She loves me and I love her. We love each other." He was smiling.

"ATHRUN!" Cagalli cried as he turned and started to advance in her direction.

!!!!!!!!!present time!!!!!!!!!!!!

I shot out of my sleep and looked straight ahead at the wall. 'It was that dream again.' I thought as I looked over to the sleeping Cagalli.

We had reached a larger group settlement cave. It was where a group of people, probably from the same village, started to head up to the cities in the North but realized it was too cold and they decided to set up a little camp till the spring.

We were given a small corner in the back of the cave and given some food to eat. I made Cagalli eat my share with some protest from her. 'You need to eat too.' She would say but she was malnourish and carrying a baby so natural she had to see my side of the argument.

She was still sleeping as I looked at her snuggling up to my side, her larger stomach more visible with her coat off. She shivered slightly so I lied back down and let her wiggle closer. Her lips touched the fabric of my shirt and her stomach touching my side.

"Hey kid, wake up." A man said kicking me in the side.

"Hmm, what?" I asked since I had never seen that man before.

"The men are going to scout the area, you now, for food, other shelter stuff like that. It's not getting any warmer and we need supplies. All those who are able are coming." She said looking over my shoulder to a sleeping Cagalli.

"pretty, anyways, you coming or not? It's up to you but you do realise we are the ones who suffer when you just show up with a girl and expect our people to help you."

"Our people?" I almost had a heart attack, did he now that I was a coordinator?

"Ya, my town's folk, you know, people from my country." He said nonchalantly.

"Yes, I'm coming. Sorry about the misunderstanding." I said as I got my coat on.

"mmmh...Athrun?" Cagalli stirred and opened her eyes.

"Mourning, I'm going out with the other today. You get some sleep and please, for the love of life, eat." I finished with a kiss on her forehead moving my head towards her neck and whispering 'I love you' in her ear so that only she could hear.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Athrun left a few hours prior to my resurrection. I felt so exhausted and like I was holding Athrun and the baby back. I was hungry but more importantly I HAD to use the bathroom. It was crazy, I ate very little yet somehow my body would find enough liquid to make me go the bathroom about 10 times a day.

I was dressed, fed, and had just used the bathroom by the time I realised I had nothing to do. Athrun was worried about all the travelling we were doing and to tell you the truth, I was too. I was getting sick and throwing up. I would get so cold at night and Athrun got so frustrated that he couldn't warm me that he left the shelter we found (between a couple of rocks). I started to cry but Athrun came back and apologised. He was mad at himself for getting angry in the first place and then leaving me alone. I felt so horrible for crying.

I was almost 6 months pregnant and I didn't look it. We had spent a couple weeks wandering and a couple weeks here at this large shelter with a group of people. They still didn't know that I was having a baby, they just assumed that Athrun and I were girlfriend and boyfriend because they thought we were too young for much more. Plus I wore a coat everywhere. It was cold outside and inside.

I had gotten to know Athrun in our travels and I realised for the first time in my life that sometimes things happen and all of it is fate, that it was fate that I met Athrun. I would never love anyone else.

"Miss Cagalli, do you want to play with me?" A young girl asked.

"Sure Suri, what would you like to play today?" I asked the young girl who was the loner of all the children.

"I don't know, there isn't too much to play around here." She replied after looking around.

"Do you miss your home?" I asked her.

"Not really. I didn't have too many people to play with their either. I actually kind of like it here. Everyone is looking out for everyone and it's like a holiday."

"A holiday is an interesting way of looking at it but I guess you're right." I answered. We were both sitting in a small area in the middle of the cave leaning against a wall. The only people left were older people, and young people. I was left behind because I was sick and was to watch the children along with the elders.

It was getting late and the group that had left earlier that day had not returned. The children had been running around playing but now they had rested and sat in a semi circle around me. I had started to tell them a story about the two best friends who had to destroy each other.

The children where entranced within the content of my story.

"The Knight of Justice cried after the friend he had loved like a brother lie still and no longer drew breath. You see, the Knight of Justice realized his grave mistake and would have given anything to have taken back his actions. He had offset the balance of fate for many people attached to Striker."

I paused to look over the faces of the children; most of them seemed sad and looked like they were going to cry.

"Oh no, maybe I should tell you guys another story." I said realising that that story might not have been a good story for war children.

"Would you like to hear how the golden pilot met the emerald soldier?" The faced seemed interested so I started the story.

"Never had the golden pilot been surrounded with so much blue in her life, the sky and the ocean enveloped her in its colour. Colour was the first things she noticed that day, the colour of the ocean as it rushed towards her falling fighter plane as she slammed into it, the light brown sand on the island not too far away from the crash and emerald, the colour of her enemies eyes as she realised he had crashed on the same island as her."

The town's people started to enter as my story was finishing up and I figured it was pretty late at night since it was so dark outside. The children hadn't noticed that their parents were home but instead kept listening to my story. I was going to stop when I saw Athrun enter but all he did was stand at the back, lean against the wall and listen to the rest of our story as did most of the adults who had came back.

"...and with their short time together, they had parted knowing that they had to meet again because there are some things in this world that you can't control, like love. Was what they had called love? They were enemies and had to hate each other but why didn't they?"

I paused to look around but mostly so I could look at Athrun's face. He was standing in a shadow and I couldn't read his expression but I was getting tired and so were the kids who were trying their hardest to listen to the end of our story.

"The golden pilot and the emerald soldier's next meetings answered most of their unspoken questions but that's a story for another day, I think we should get some sleep." I sat up as best I could with my stomach and walked over to the bed Athrun had set up for us.

I was so embarrassed that Athrun had listened to how I felt when we had parted the first time we met. I had left a few parts of our story out when I told the children and other parts that were just too personal of my thoughts to tell anyone.

I sat down on the bed and felt Athrun's presence behind me. I then pulled the blankets up other my head and hid under them.

Athrun just lied down beside me and moved under with me. I still had my back to him when he started to talk into my neck. The rest of the cave had already turned off their lanterns and basically passed out when their heads hit their pillows. The cave was filled with small snores and the sound of the wind outside.

"The emerald soldier huh?"

"Stop, it's embarrassing to talk about Athrun." I said as he wrapped his arms around my stomach and under my jacket to rest on my bare stomach.

"Did you tell them about how you throwing your blanket on me and how you only had your underwear on?" He asked chuckling as he remembered.

"Of course not! Stop talking about it. I should have never told them that story."

"We found the city." He told me. "It's a long walk but it has houses and electricity."

"Really?" I said turning around to face him, Athrun's hand pulling my back close to his body.

"Ya, they even have jobs for us, but you're not going to like them." I couldn't see his face because it was so dark.

"It isn't a military job is it?" I whispered even quieter then our conversation.

"It will allow me to have a large room and enough food for the three of us. We need it."

"But Athrun, we agreed." No not again I thought.

"Please Cagalli, I never...I never want to see you so cold that I can't warm you, that you start crying. Never again."

"ok...Mr. Athrun Dino, we will do this, together."

"Together." He said before he fell asleep.

We were going to regret it, I just knew it.

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OK so I didn't read this chapter over again before I posted it so lets hope I did so when I wrote it. I have a BAD cold and cough that's hurting my ribs so I have no patience and want to go to bed. SO it's a happy birthday for me...I hope you like this chapter and I hope to update within a week...hopefully.

evilace


	15. grey ice

I want to protect you but I can't (Part 15)

Disclamer: ownership of anything0

So this is teh next part...enjoy

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The city itself wasn't so big. When you think of a city, you think of tall buildings, none of which you've ever set foot into, vehicles travelling a mile an hour and the constant bland colour with a pop of red or blue here or there if your look hard enough. But this city, well, it was short. Short buildings and no colour, just grey. Could ice be the colour grey?

The city was in the valley of some massive mountains which took us longer then Athrun and the others thought it would take to get there. When we did get there, I was actually thankful, I had to go to the bathroom like you wouldn't believe.

"So how does this work?" I asked.

"What?" He didn't seem to do paying too much attention. He had been thinking all the way from the cave to the city.

"Well, what do you have to do for the military, you know job wise?"

"I just fix machines and maybe design or modify a few, nothing to do with fighting." He said.

"So what will I do all day? I could get a job, that way we can save even more money and get a better place to stay. Maybe you can be able to quite your military job in a year when we both have saved enough money." I could feel the disapproval already.

"Cagalli...this is going to sound so typical but please just listen. You have gone through so much in the beginning stages of your pregnancy, I'm very worried about your health and the babies health so could you please do me a favour?"

"OK, OK I get it." I said feeling tired and not ready to fight it since I was worried about Coveu as well.

"Promise me you will take it easy."

"I promise." I said kissing him lightly on the cheek.

We walked through the streets with some hope to what the future held but soon ditched it when we saw the condition of the human population. People made camp everywhere and looked as if they would take their last breathe any second. Flesh hung off the bones of the dead as they leaned against the wall, and children ran past playing with an old tin can. One of the smaller children had to stop to catch his breath every couple of seconds due to his poor heath and malnutrition.

The group twiddled down till it was just Athrun and I, walking towards the military building. We entered and were welcomed by an elderly recruiter who was ecstatic that Athrun had returned.

"This is the man I was talking about." The elderly recruiter told a man by the name of Azrael Muruta.

"Ah, I see. The young man who can fix anything." The blue eyed man scanned over Athrun before turning to me.

"And this is?" He asked Athrun. A group of three young soldiers gathered around behind him and stared at us.

"This is my wife." Athrun said in the silence I had created. I didn't realise I was scared till I felt Athrun's hand around my shaking shoulder. Needless to say I had a bad feeling about these men.

"Does your wife have a name?" He said smiling at me creepily.

"Cagalli Dino." I said in a small voice but he heard me.

"When then, Shani would you please take Mrs. Dino to her room while Athrun and I discuss some small details of his job?"

"Me why do I have to... fine." He stomped up to me and grabbed my arm.

It wasn't like he grabbed my arm harshly but it still scarred the crap out of me and Athrun could tell that right off the bat.

Athrun removed Shani's hand from my arm.

"That is not how you great ANY BODY." He told him.

"You wanna fight or something pal cause I'm up for it."

"Athrun stop it." I told him. "We have to." I said when I looked around.

We had entered the military area which consisted of many fences and many guns and infantry. The guards looked ready to attack and didn't look too friendly. We either had to cooperate and get food, money and a place to sleep or stay penny-less on the street. Co-operating it is!

I reached out and put my hand gently onto Shani's arm. Shani flinched a bit which in turn made me take my hand back quickly.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. He seemed mad and embarrassed at the same time. He turned and started off without saying a word so I followed him, making sure to say my goodbye's to Athrun before I left. He seemed reluctant to let me go.

"Mr. Dino, if you would like to follow me, we will continue with the arrangements." Said one of the elderly men.

"I'll see you soon." Athrun yelled at me as I stepped into the elevator with Shani.

'I love you' I mouthed to him as the door closed.

It was a silent ride with the natural beside me. I felt like I should say something, after all it was me who started the whole thing. Maybe if I could be a little braver, like I was before I was captured, maybe I would have gone with him and not made Athrun worried about me.

The elevator kept going down and I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach so I grabbed onto the railing around the wall to steady myself. The quick movement drew the attention of the natural and he started at me. The elevator finally came to a stop or more of a jolt and opened its doors.

"Are you...alright?" He finally said when it appeared that I wasn't moving from my crouched position.

"I feel a bit dizzy." I finally said. My jacket prevented anyone form discovering my little secret.

"The flu is supposed to be going around. Maybe you should go to the doctors."

"No, I just need something to drink."

"Then stop being so useless and get moving so you can get a drink." He half yelled at me.

"yes...sorry..." Oh man, I got up too fast but fortunately caught myself.

I followed him as he made his way down the hall.

!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Azrael guy seems like a real blue cosmos leader I thought as he continued to talk to me and tell me a little more about my job and how it will aid in the vendetta against the coordinators. I was to be fixing and repairing modle suits which are what I signed up for, but it was a bit of the way through his speech that he informed me that when the time comes they'll need ALL of the freedom fighters to fight one on one in the battle.

"Sir, all I really want to do is get enough money to support my Wife and I." I explained sounding very exhausted.

"Yes, yes but how long will that last?"

"What are you getting at?" I think I am getting tired cause I think that was a threat.

"What I'm trying to say is what will happen to your wife when the coordinators decide to attach here next?"

"..."

"What will happen to your pretty little wife when they kill you and get to her?" I already knew that answer and I tightened my fists.

"You know what will happen." He continued.

"Yes I do," I had to say something before he roped me into his mind game "but I promised Cagalli that we would do things together and I intend to get her opinion before I do anything other than the job we already discussed."

I turned to walk away but decided to add one further promise to him before I found Cagalli and got that much needed rest my body ached for.

"Know this, I do want my wife's opinion but if I think she's endangered, I will act without her knowledge because my first priority is protecting her. Mark my words, if you bring up Cagalli and us her against me or to sway my actions in any way, I WILL come looking for you. That's a promise, not a threat."

I wanted to add something about our unborn son but that might be hazardous to our situation. As much as I would LOVE a doctor to confirm that Cagalli and the baby are in fact healthy even though they don't look it, would be ideal but if they found out the baby is a coordinator...they would kill them both as well as me.

I walked back to the room...wait a minute what am I talking about! I haven't been here before and I have no clue where I'm going! This was a great plan.

I forgot everything when...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Please Halmaya, make the pain stop. '

I was still following Shani but I could barely walk. I was still dizzy and my back was beginning to ache so much that I had to lean against a wall or two halfway through the walk and slowly Shani started to appear further and further away.

I'm six and a half months pregnant so I can't be having contractions, what's wrong. Did I get kicked in the stomach when I was prisoner or was it all the travelling? Oh no what's wrong with Coveu? I should have eaten more and tried harder not to through up. I should have been more careful. My baby's going to die because of me. Athrun's going to hate me if that happens and then leave me. Would he leave?

All my courage left me and I felt more like the new Cagalli, the one who became broken on a ship and disregarded her bravery.

More pain hit me and I saw blood this time...I screamed in agony.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

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Oh what a cliff hanger. This chapter is a little short in my mind so I think I'll update the next chapter in a couple day...depending on how everyone reviews. When I say reviews I just mean if everyone wants me to keep going. I have up to chapter 19 completed so I think it's progressing well. I dont have too much homework yet so I hope to keep typing at night as much as I can.

well review soon.

evilace


	16. Mother Hi Mom

Part 16

Disclamer: same as always.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SHANI POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

The blond didn't realize that I had seen her stop and ran back to her.

"What now?" I asked since she was slowing me down and I had other things to do.

She looked up at me with water coming out of her eyes.

"What are you doing? STOP!" I yelled at her.

"It hurts, where's Athrun?" She said through her pain.

I looked at her hands and they were covered in blood.

"What's wrong with you girl? Where are you bleeding?" I removed her jacket to check for bullet whole but I saw her bump in her stomach and blood all over her jeans.

Leaping back I watched the crying girl on the floor. '_mother__?'_

Holding my head, I looked at this girl lying in pain on the floor.

"YOU HAVE A BABY!" Walking up to her I started to shake her pulling her shoulders up and down.

"WHERE IS MY MOTHER!" I screamed at her.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Please stop!" I yelled at him and he actually did as I told him.

"Why are you bleeding?" He asked again.

"I don't know but I'm so scared, I think my baby might be hurt."

"Why would your baby be hurt?" He asked me honestly.

"It might be hurt because people try to hurt me but end up hurting my baby too." I was crying even more now.

"Hurt you I don't..." He didn't have time to finish because I screamed in pain and passed out.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SHANI POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do I do, what do I do?

I lifted her up and started to run to the place where my pain stops after a battle.

I didn't make it too far when the blonds' husband came running into view. He saw me, saw her, saw blood and became pissed!

"I am going to kill you!" He began!

"I don't know what to do?" I said before he could reach us which makes me thankful for the really long underground corridors.

"Give her to me." Athrun said, ripping her out of my hand and looking over her as he held her.

Why does he care so much for one person? I asked myself. I looked at her again and for the first time I realized she looked... she looked...I can't find the word but my stomach felt weird and so did another part of my body.

I looked away from them because I couldn't take it anymore. That blue haired man loved Cagalli and that was his baby. I felt angry which feels kind of normal to me so I relaxed in the feeling.

Maybe if I had someone to love then I could... I stated to run away, I can't understand these feelings. Cagalli would have to pay for what she has awoken in me.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's Turn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is she bleeding? What's wrong?

"Cagalli, answer me, wake up." I had to get her help.

"PLEASE wake up." I took her into the room that said Dino on the door and placed Cagalli on the bed but what was I going to do. Was the baby in trouble or was Cagalli... what was going on.

I weighed our options out for a minute and came to one conclusion.

"It's better to save you both and reveal everything then have you die right here and know." I said out loud to an unconscious Cagalli.

Picking her up again I ran to the elevator. I dropped to the floor with Cagalli in my arms as the elevator rose slowly. Rocking back and forth I held her close to me and kissed her hair, placing one hand on top of her stomach, on top of Coveu.

'please be alright...both of you.'

!!!!!!!!!!!Shani again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I passed Orga and Clotha without even acknowledging them and went straight to my designated bed. We all shared a room which doesn't really bother me considering we have nothing to hide and no other life other than destroying things.

The only disturbances we seem to have are dreams but they come few and in between. We have been naive to our emotions and follow orders blindly but we do know how we came to be here, all the tests and drugs we were given as children. My dreams are haunted with my Mother and a cold dark room. Orga and Clotho call out sister and other names in the same desperation as I call for my Mother. I don't know why my mind calls for her because she never comes.

I pulled the covers over my head and tried to sleep.

'What is love?' I wondered when I realised that sleep would not come as easily as I willed it.

I then did something I rarely even do when I'm not in a battle. I asked Orga and Clotho. Don't get me wrong, we do talk sometimes but it's usually something to do with an order. We usually like the silence.

"Have you ever been in love?" Ok so I didn't directly ask then and a little part of me hoped they'd be asleep but no they weren't.

"Is that an emotion?" Asked Clotho and he wasn't being sarcastic which was somewhat of a change for him.

"It's a strong emotion you idiot." Orga said, signalling he was awake too.

"So...answer the question." I said becoming even more impatient.

"Yes." Said Orga.

"Who?" Clotho inquired before I could ask.

"I can't remember her name but she was with me when we were training as children." Orga held his head and looked like he was in pain remembering or at least that's what it looked like from his dark silhouette.

"What does it feel like?" I finally asked my question.

"Well...It hurts. I know I got in trouble for it and one night a guard brought her over to my cell and...Well did things to her in front of me... that made me...sad...and angry and hurt at the same time."

"Then why did you fall in love in the first place stupid?" Clotho said raising himself off the bed to look at Orga.

"I couldn't help it. She was in my mind all the time and my body would...you know... react to her when she was close to me."

"SO...your body 'reacted' to her. Is that how you got caught and why they hurt her in front of you?" I thought about Cagalli and my face heated up.

"I wish I could have controlled it but I...I couldn't."

I thought that that was the end of our conversation but Clotho started it up after a minute of silence.

"I didn't 'react' or anything like Orga said but I did have strong feelings for someone I was told to call brother. He looked like me but older and he would protect me, always as long as he lived he would stop them from hurting me. I think I might have loved him but maybe in a different way because I didn't want him to get hurt and I wanted to protect him too."

I thought about it for a moment.

"Did your brother die?"

"yes, he was taken away and killed when his body stared to shut down and he became useless." It was the saddest he had ever stated anything.

"Why did you bring up love Shani?" Clotho asked me.

"..." I didn't answer and after a while I heard Orga and Clotho sound asleep so I followed suit with many questions still unanswered.

!!!! In Shani's dream!!!!!

I was holding a small baby in my arms. It was looking back up at me with clear, untainted eyes and slowly reached a small arm towards me and grabbed the air with its equally small and skinny figures.

I was holding this baby while sitting down on a bed and I realised that I was not alone. To my right, I say a beautiful sleeping figure with soft blond hair. She looked at peace and I felt that way as well. I wanted to feel at peace forever. My Cagalli and our children, always at peace and never destroying anything. Just us that's all I need.

!! Wake up Shani!!!!

I opened my eyes slowly as the training instructor informed us on something or other. For the first time in my life, I wasn't listening. I was thinking how I wanted to be at peace and what I had dreamed.

Depression washed over me as I realised that all Cagalli was doing was torturing me; making me think about her and all the possibilities she gave me. I had to focus or else I will die.

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What will happen, I dont know. How will we get there? Come on lets go! Me and you and Zoboomafoo. Come on and see whats new we're going the things that animals do!

I am so sorry. No one will get the sentence I just wrote because it's an openning song that got stuck in my head from a childs show. I used to baby sit A LOT in my younger teens and I have a VERY good memory so I can sing the openning songs from Dora the Exploror, Bob the builder, Franklin, Rolly Polly Ollie...the list goes on. And the one from the top sentence is from Zoboomafoo with the Crates brothers.

ANYWAYS. I hope you liked this chapter in the story and I'll be sure to update within the next week. I hope my school work won't be too bad so I can write more but I dont see that happening. Tell me what you thought of this chapter or anything for that matter, I'm allways up for a chat with new people.

evilace.


	17. not creative enough right now

I want to protect you but I cant (part 17)

Disclamer: same!

Sorry about the delay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh please let her be ok. I was pacing the earth alliance bases medical office. I had imagined myself doing this in the few months to comes, in the back of my mind hoping that they would be ok but most of my mind being ecstatic that my son was being born. Maybe I would be in the room at the time, I don't know but now I'm completely terrified about what will happen to them both.

As the hours ticked on I became more worried, it felt like I was back at Zaft and I knew that my Father had taken Cagalli, that I might never get her back...

"Mr. Dino, would you like to come with me." The Doctor said.

"Is my wife all right?" I asked.

"She had a minor hemerrige, from what I can tell, her body is malnourished and she'd been under a lot of stress."

"..."

"The baby is fine from what I can tell. We only checked his vital and they appear to be normal for his development. Your wife should recover with enough food and rest. We have her on an IV right now, just to teat dehydration. "

"Would it be better if she was back in our room?"

"I would like to say yes, but she's just too unhealthy and stressed right now. It would be better for her to stay here. The problem is that we don't have enough room for her. We get injured soldiers in here every day and the orders are to not treat sick family members unless they can fight."

"I don't know what to say." I really didn't know who to be mad at.

"Well, I did this without permission even though I shouldn't have. So I'm going to let you take her back and pretend like I thought she was a soldier or something since I' guessing no one knew she was pregnant. And kid, don't worry, she'll be ok with enough food and relaxation."

"Thank you." I said before lifting Cagalli from the bed with the IV hanging in my mouth (no matter how unsanitary it is).

As I walked through the halls I saw him. He was standing very still in a side hall way and watching us pass by.

"Is she alright?" Asked Shani.

"Why the hell should you care, you're the one that was hurting her!" I snapped a little at him because I needed someone to blame, anyone to blame.

"I...I did it?" He was confused but defensive at the same time.

"Yes, you shook her while she was in pain on the floor right; didn't she tell you she felt dizzy or sick? Yet you shook her. She was under a lot of stress which is what caused this whole mess and you added to it." I wasn't even close to finishing chewing him out but I had to take a deep breath.

"You're her husband, right?" He asked in an angry tone. "And you love her right?"

"of course" I was interrupted, apparently they were rhetorical questions.

"Well if you love her so much then why did you let her get hurt in the first place, couldn't you protect her I mean..."

"STOP IT!" Cagalli yelled, it seems that our yelling had wakened her. "Please Shani just stop, you too Athrun. This is my entire fault no one else's. So please stop blaming each other and making me feel worst."

"Cagalli...relax. You can't get stressed or depressed or anything. You have to get better."

I didn't even look back to Shani, the only person I was concerned with right now was the person lying in my arms so I continued to walk down the corridor hushing Cagalli as she sobbed into my shirt.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't stop crying even when we got back to the room and Athrun lie with me on the bed.

" How could I endanger the baby like that. I'm sorry Athrun, don't be mad at me." I looked into his eyes and I felt like I was back with Zaft. It wasn't even the fact that the room was small and dark like the one Zala had me in but that I felt helpless. I was getting stressed and scarred over the fact that I'm hurting the baby because I am stresses. It was an endless circle and I couldn't stop it no matter how hard I tried to forget about it.

"In Zaft I was helpless and I'm helpless again." I whispered to Athrun through my tears.

"Did I ever tell you how I first met Kira?" He asked me and I almost instantly stopped crying and started to listen. It was kind of a taboo thing to talk about...Kira, Nicol, Tolle, most of the people who died because of the war.

"Well, as you might have heard we met at Lunar Prep but did you know exactly how we met? It's really an interesting story." He looked to me and brought me up to cradle me in his lap as he told the story, my ear to his heart.

"It all began on the first day of school. Most of the children that attended our particular school were from rich families, those in politics and those with good heritage. It was easy to tell who was who since we most kids know each other through out of school meetings with our parent. It was to establish better business friends and stuff of that nature. So one day our teacher told us that we were to get a new student to our class. His name was Kira Yamato. By the way, I'm not as creative as you so I'm just going to use real names."

Oh no, he remembers my stories I thought silently to myself.

"Anyways as I was saying, nobody had ever heart of the Yamato's which was very bad. As soon as Kira walked through the door I realized that he was in for it. At the time I wasn't too interested in anything other than getting my studies done, impressing my Father and Mother, and having enough time to sit and be alone. I loved sitting in different spot outside and falling asleep or reading or just looking around. Well back to Kira and like l said, many kids picked on him and beat answers to the questions they asked out of him. I didn't see any of it happen of course but I would see Kira in class with bruises and other such marks. I was told by others that 'the strange boy' never fought back."

"One day Kira walked up a hill and sat under a Cherry Blossom tree. I was going to sit with him but I chose to watch how long he would sit there and what he would do with all his time alone. All he did was close his eyes and stay silent. I had to admit that I kind of liked that and found out the first of many things we had in common."

"One day in training class, we were pared off into two groups and we had to steal a ball away from the other group. And would you guess it, it was my group against Kira's group. My group was winning and just as the other team had the ball, a member of my group punched Kira in the stomach as he walked by. Kira slumped to the ground and I don't know what came over me, I just tackled that kid and broke his nose yelling, "Don't you ever hit my friend again." You should have seen Kira's face."

He paused for a second to think and collect his thoughts before he looked down at me.

"I need you to be happy. I want you to be healthy and feel like you can relax around me and feel safe. I want you and Coveu to live and I want to see your face. I can never see Kira's again but I still have a chance to see you're for the rest of my life."

"I feel safe when your here...I'm hunger."

Athrun smiled as he placed me under the covers and promised to come back with some decent food and water. When he left I heard someone knock on the door.

"...yes..." I asked a bit too timidly.

The door opened to reveal Shani. Shani looked confused and mad at the same time.

"I didn't do it!" He half yelled at me. He noticed me flinch and pull some cover up to my chin and that seemed to piss him off.

"I said I didn't do it so why are you scarred of me? Stop crying!" I didn't know I was crying till he mentioned it.

"I'm sorry." I said looked down at my lap. I felt extra pressure on the bed and then a hand grabbed my face and lifted it up till I looked in his eyes.

"Do you hate me?" He asked me but he still looked angry.

"No...I don't know you that well." I didn't want Athrun to get mad at Shani because that could get him in trouble. I wasn't going to scream for Athrun, I had to keep peace.

"You wouldn't like me even if you did get to know me. STOP CRYING!" He yelled before pushing my face away with enough forces to almost knock me off the bed but he caught my upper arm and pulled me closer to his face.

"You're gonna tell him aren't you. You're gonna tell him I came in here and hurt you again and then you're never gonna want to see me again but you will. I will pay you back for all these emotions, mark my words Cagalli." He let me go and stormed out of the room.

Athrun didn't return for a good 5 minutes but when he did he realised I was crying and that someone had bruised my chin and upper arm.

"Tell me who it was Cagalli, Im going to kill that son of a bitch, I mean for goodness sake, you just got out of the hospital which was an order even though you should still be there and..." I cut him off.

"Athrun. I don't need revenge right now, and either does the baby. We need you, so don't leave."

Athrun seemed to agree a bit and tried to get me to eat something. When he came back I told him I wasn't hungry anymore which was true but I had to eat. I needed to be health for my baby.

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I have had A LOT to do this week so sorry about being late! I still have a lot to do so I wont talk too long. So please chear me up with many reviews and happy words.

Thanks Evilace


	18. protect

Part 18!

I am SO sorry! I have been so busy lately, man I hate being an adult. I'm still young and not even out of my teens.

I am literally fighting sleep right now so sorry for any spelling mistakes or if I forgot to edit so things.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cagalli fell asleep first but I on the other hand, had a lot of things on my mind. I had an idea who was tormenting Cagalli but as she wished, I won't kick his ass yet.

Cagalli has a good point when she said that we have to keep the peace. We do have to stay low, very low as to not alert anyone that I'm a former Zaft soldier and a coordinator. That would get us killed so I'll only do what I'm asked to do and nothing more, no showing off and no fighting.

I finally found some sleep that night but I was still troubled.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Athrun had been worried last night and so had I. The whole bleeding thing made my heart skip a beat or two and the Shani thing didn't help either.

I was sleeping sandwiched between a wall and Athrun which was how I wanted it. I had grown accustomed to sleeping like that ever since I was in Zaft and when I had nightmares about Zala and other men coming in and dragging me out of bed. I can still remember the time I had finally told Athrun about it.

It was before we had settled in the cave and Athrun and I had been travelling for a couple days. I had gotten a very bad cough so Athrun had suggested we try to get in a group with Naturals traveling together. We had found a small cave with what looked like a fire and people inside of it. The townsfolk seemed nice and there was only about 12 people including us in the cave. Athrun and I had gotten into our sleeping places and we had fallen asleep. This is where I had one of my dreams.

!Cagalli's dream!

I was lying on a bed and I couldn't see very well. Everything was blurry and hazy but the feeling was like I was back with Zala on the Zaft ship.

"Don't cry little Cagalli." Zala said while stroking my hair.

"Please stop." I cried when those strokes became rushed and started to hurt more and more.

"Why would you want me to stop love?" Zala was starting to sound different but my eyes hurt so much and they were so blurry that it took forever for me to make out Athrun.

"Athrun?" I asked but kept crying. He was making me feel like he was Zala and he was scaring me so much.

"Shut-Up for a while, you're not a fun screw when you keep crying and talking." He said as he started to grab me more harshly.

In the midst I remembered about the baby.

"Athrun, the baby." I cried and pulled to get away. In that time I felt my stomach but nothing was there, nothing.

"AHHHHHHHHHH" Where was my baby!

'SLAP' Athrun had hit me.

"Stop it you stupid bitch, there is no baby. You've never had a baby at least I think you haven't. I mean I don't know this is like the third time I've ever seen you." He was biting my neck know and I was still screaming and crying.

"Why are you doing this? Stop!" I yelped when he restrained my hands with one of his and started to grab my chest with his other hand.

"Because it's fun you dumb natural."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Nightmare ends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"NO STOP, PLEASE!"

"Cagalli, wake up what's wrong?" Athrun had me sitting up as I thrashed in his arms.

"please...stop Athrun..." I whispered the second part as I looked into his eyes.

"Cagalli...what happened, why where you screaming things about Zala, and telling me to stop hurting you, was I squishing you while I held you?"

Athrun wasn't touching me anymore, he was sitting on the edge of our sleeping area and looking worried.

"I..I'm.." I couldn't say anything so Athrun started to move closer with his hands up.

"I won't hurt you," He looked away with a sad expression on his face. "I would never hurt you."

"I'm...sorry." I finally got out before I closed the distance and started crying into his chest, rocking back and forth holding my stomach.

"Cagalli, you're scarring me, what's wrong? Are you sick or something?" Athrun asked still wrapping me in his arms.

"No Athrun, I had a bad dream. I know it's not real but you where like Zala and...I'm sorry, it sounds stupid."

"No...it's ok Cagalli, I heard what you said and it makes sense now. We never really talked about it but maybe what I did with you back on the ship was too soon. I mean I might have been taking advantage of you while you weren't prepared mentally. You're probably just realising this now and maybe you subconsciously think I took advantage of you." Athrun was looking at the wall behind me and he looked torn and distraught.

"Athrun...I don't think that. I just had a nightmare. I actually thought that your father was hurting me most if the time. I love you and it upsets me when you say things like what you just said. You hurt yourself and that hurts me more than that dream." The last part was quieter because my voice was breaking up.

It was then that we were interrupted by the other townsfolk and kicked out of the cave because they had heard a lot of my dream and heard Zaft and other Coordinator things that the people didn't like.

I explained to Athrun about my dreams as we walked to the next cave. Athrun had me sleep with him protecting me against the outside world so I felt better as I was going to sleep so from then on that was how we slept.

!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I woke up I found that Cagalli was wide awake and drawing circles into my chest. She looked like she was thinking about something important but unfortunately I looked at the clock and figured that I was going to be late for my 5:30 am shift.

"I have to get ready to leave. " I said softly into her hair. Cagalli seemed shocked that I was awake.

"YOU should go back to sleep for a while. I'm sure that whoever attacked you yesterday is working as well. If anyone or if he does come back then I want you to call someone and they'll get me right away. The phones right here." I passed the phone and continues to worry about her. "I also want you to eat as much as you can; I put some more food over there and in the mini fridge."

"ATHRUN. I'll be ok. I'll relax today and maybe later when you come back we can ask about a job for me so that.." I cut her off so fast.

"NO, NO you just relax for a couple weeks and then we'll discuss how you aren't getting a job."I was smiling but I was serious about her not getting a job. She didn't need any of the strain.

"Athrun, do you expect me to sit here all day and then when the baby comes, sit with the baby all day?" Yep that was the plan, well almost the plan. I wasn't going to let them sit in a cold place like this. We would have to get a bigger apartment or something so that we were more comfortable.

"Cagalli, I'm going to be late on my first day. For today just promise me that you'll take it easy, you just got out of the hospital, please."

"Alright, just go before you're late." She said before kissing my forehead and I headed out the door.

I ran most of the way to my floor and ended up right on time.

The day was relentless. It was all work and none stop numbers. I was reprogramming pieces of shit machines as they came in from Earth Forces battles. We had warehouses full of mix and match machines. There were three or maybe even four new looking prototypes that came from the lunar base or something to that effect.

Even if all these machines were to the best of their abilities, the Earth Forces had no chance of winning a battle. There were just not enough machines in the world which Zaft had proved before with the destruction of many natural Cities. What was the Earth Forces planning?

The day was about to end but I was called back for some overtime at 7pm to 11pm. I told them that it was my first day and that any over time would be appreciated even though I was thinking that it would kill me so I called Cagalli to tell her.

"I guess if you have to stay then you can, are you sure you're not going to be too tired with all that work and you still have to wake up tomorrow at the same time." Cagalli was worried about me but really, it was ok, I am a coordinator and I can handle it, I hope.

"Don't wait up Cagalli, get to bed. You need the rest. Goodnight love, I'll be there later to protect you when you sleep."

"I'll wait up. I can't sleep at all without you here." She can't sleep at all?

"Please sleep. You can't go on the same schedule I'm on."

"But I am and will. Maybe you'll come home earlier if you realise that." She sounded tired. What had I done taking this extra shift.

"I'll see if they can let me off early. I'll be home in a couple hours. Love you." I hung up the phone and started to weigh my options. I knew I could leave quietly in the mourning so that Cagalli can sleep more but when she wakes up she'll be upset. I had to get home earlier.

We need money but Cagalli needs sleep more right now.

I got to work and hoped I'd be done before 10pm.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will not sleep without Athrun so he can't try and make me. I feel tired and I'm stressing myself out but it's even more stressful to have those dreams. To be fair I even tried to sleep a bit today but I started to dream and woke myself up before I got too far.

I heard movement outside my door.

I instinctively looked at it because I had a feeling I knew who it was when the door opened to reveal him.

Shani was standing in the doorway with a face absent of emotion. I was sitting on the edge of the bed like I had been doing all day with the exception of taking a shower and eating food.

"Would you like to take a walk?" He asked as nicely as I had heard him speak. I was wearing a dress so it fit over my stomach and some flat slipper shoes ( It looks exactly like the outfit Clair has on from LOST and if you don't know what LOST is then just type Clair LOST in google search images or something.)

It was cold in the room so I was half wrapped in a blanket.

"Is it cold out there?" I ask.

"Yes, what does that have to do with anything? Do you want to walk with me or not?" Shani was getting worked up.

Just keep the peace I started to chant to myself as I got up from the bed.

"I'm sorry, I just get cold easily, I guess I could go on a very short walk."

"Fine, let's go." Shani walked into the room and not so genially helped me up form the bed.

"Can we walk by and see Athrun on our way?" I asked but this made him angry.

"..." He didn't answer as he lead me out into an even colder hallway and I shiver as we made our way away from the room.

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OK thats that. Again, I'll sorry for not updating for a long time. I hope I can update soon. Next week I have reading week which translates into a week off of school. What does that mean? WELL that means I have all week to write, I have to take a three hour drive to take an exam that costs about $35 and I have to go to an interview. Most importantly, I have to see my friends and do some photo shoots for Our Anime North Cosplay! SO till next time, Cheers!

Evilace


	19. all the precious stones

I want to protect you but I can't (part 19)

And here we go again! (Word of advice, NEVER choose a long , specific password if you have to type it more than 6 times a day!)

!!!!!!!!!!!Shani's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I wanted to talk with you." I told her as we continued to walk, her trailing behind me.

"About what?" She asked that innocent question but for some reason made me mad. She should know what to talk about, not me. She should tell me everything and I should listen.

"I want you to tell me how you met him." I don't want to get mad at her but I know I will so I might as well start out with the questions that will anger me most so that I can relax when I ask her better questions.

My logic sucks.

"Well, we might during a battle." She said.

"You fought?" She's always scarred out of her mind and yet she was in any sort of a battle?

"Yes. I was a different person before...well someone hurt me very badly and now I seem...a bit scarred, but I try not to be."

"Did he do that to you?"

"NO. Athrun wouldn't ever hurt me. He saved me." She said it but I didn't want to hear that.

"So you just admire him for saving you? You're using him as protection, that's different form loving him." I sounded like a jealous boyfriend but I don't like him one bit.

"No. I love him and he loves me so much that we want each other to be safe." She stopped walking and started to step backwards.

Oh no, she's going to run away or something so before she could do anything I grabbed her arm.

"Why do you want to run away?" I didn't squeeze her arm or anything; I was trying to be nice and not un-gentleman like. She was reprehensive to continue to walk with me. It wasn't even a choice from my point of view I mean the hall way was narrow and there aren't too many places to run plus she's pregnant and I could easily out run her... there I go again thinking like that. If she didn't want to walk with me I wouldn't chase her if she ran. I won't...hopefully.

"I'm sorry, I just get scarred when I'm with people I don't know very well... remember I told you that."

We walked around till we reached her room again. It was only a short five minute walk but I didn't want her to get freaked out and I hoped to get her out every day and eventually add more time to each visit.

"Ugh, I'll come by tomorrow and we can walk again." I told her before leaving but then decided to add "If you want to." I was hoping she would.

"O ..ok." She said before disappearing into her room.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cagalli's POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know if I should tell Athrun about this. I got home safe enough and Shani didn't do anything bad to me. I guess it doesn't matter if Athrun knows or not and the walk does break up my day so I guess it would be ok if it happened again. I just hope that Shani doesn't try anything the next time if he decides he wants to see me even more than just tomorrow.

I don't understand why he's pestering me. He didn't even like me the first time we met and for the most part he's grabbed my arms roughly just about every time he sees me. He isn't gentle at all; maybe he likes me and can't express that to me in words. I think it would be cool to make friends here so then Athrun wouldn't have to waste so much time with me when I feel lonely or want someone to talk to.

"Cagalli, I'm back." I looked at the clock before looking back to Athrun.

"Oh wow, its 9:40pm did they let you out early?"

"Yep, I finished all my stuff and told them that my wife was waiting up for me so they understood." Athrun had made his way over to the bed but grabbed some food from the counter in the process.

"You haven't eaten that much of this food, have you? Cagalli, how many times do I have to tell you to..."

"I tried. I did eat some of it, don't get upset."

"Sorry, it just worries me when I'm at work and I know you have no appetite." Athrun paused for a minute."It's also hard knowing how little of sleep your getting as well."

"Athrun I have a question." I don't know how he's going to react but it had been weighing down my thoughts for a while and I just had to now.

"What is it Cagalli." Athrun was now sitting beside me on the bed as I looked away to ask him the question that was on my mind.

"I don't look attractive anymore do I?" Out of the corner of my eye I saw Athrun fall off the bed. His face was in pure shock as he looked up for the floor.

"WHAT?" Was that all he could say.

"Well. You keep telling me that I don't get enough sleep so I must look awfully tired and you keep telling me to eat more so I must look like a skeleton. Plus my stomach is large...you never try anything with me and...and you think I look ugly." I started to cry and in the back of my mind I knew Athrun just got a full taste of my hormones but I wasn't about to admit that that was my problem, I mean just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean my hormones have anything to do with the way I act. OK yes they do.

"Where, what...I mean..." Athrun was still on the floor trying to process everything and figure out where it was all coming from.

I wasn't going to wait for him to give me an answer. I was too embarrassed about my insecurities and I just told them all to Athrun in an unpleasant way. I was being a horrible wife, just yelling at him like that as soon as he came home from a hard day of work. He should be relaxing, not dealing with my stress and body issues.

"Cagalli wait." Athrun said seriously but it was too late. I had already made it into the bathroom and locked the door.

"Open the door Cagalli."

"..." I was so embarrassed.

"This feels familiar. Come on, don't shut me out." Athrun was leaning again the door. I could tell by his voice.

"I shouldn't have said all that." I told him through the door.

He started to laugh. I was in this state of mind and all he did was laugh. A part of me wanted to be mad but I instead started to cry.

"Oh don't cry again. You're just stressed, that's why you said all that stuff. I'm worried about you when I tell you to rest or eat and you defiantly don't look...unattractive. I mean have you seen the way all the guys look at you." Athrun was laughing again at the end.

Ok now the old Cagalli wanted out because it wasn't a funny subject to me so I swung the door opened and yelled at him.

"You're a liar." I told him as I stormed pass him and curled up in the bed, pulling the covers over my head.

I felt Athrun's weight on the bed and his arms circle my midsection before he pressed his cheek into the crook of my neck.

"Sorry for laughing. You know that I think you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I'm not just saying that either. I mean I've seen a lot of amazing sight and sun sets. You remind me of a sunset but better than one."

"You are most defiantly lying to me Athrun. A sunset. How can you compare a person to a sunset?"

"It's what you remind me of Cagalli. You're very golden." That kind of made me giggle but I was still a bit mad at Athrun. ( Just encase this comes up, I do not own any material from the novel "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton if you've ever read that book and think I'm copying that seen about Ponyboy Curtis being Golden.)

"So you remind me of Gold Cagalli, what do I remind you of?" Was Athrun being serious, he wanted to know what he reminded me of. The truth is that I had thought about it before because of his eyes I kept thinking that because of his eyes, he reminded me of an emerald. But then I thought that an emerald wasn't a precious enough stone for Athrun.

I thought maybe a Sapphire because of his blue hard or maybe a Diamond because of how valuable he was to me. I had to sum it all up so I turned around to him and without the prior angry and insecurity I felt, I told him the truth.

"You remind me of all the precious stones." He looked at me for a moment trying to figure out what I meant by it so I clarified before he could ask.

"I can't just pick one stone like the diamond because you're worth so much more to me than just the diamond. You have more personality then one stone which is why I picked all the precious stones." Wow I just kept embarrassing myself.

"That sounds beautiful and all I said was that you remind me of a sunset because it's golden."

We continued to talk for a couple of hours without realizing it but when Athrun did and the clock turned to 12:00 midnight he became agitated.

"I can't believe we talked so long. You do realize that you only sleep when I sleep and I'll only be getting 5 hours or so of sleep tonight. You're going to be so tired tomorrow, please get some sleep while I work. Promise me you will. It's not because you look bad or anything because you look absolutely beautiful. I just don't want to stress you out with small amounts of sleep. Your last hospital visit scared me to death and I don't want to go through that again."

"I don't either. I thought I killed the baby and that you would leave me if the baby wasn't there anymore." I looked down at Coveu who was still alive and kicking and hoped he would forgive me for using him in that way.

"I would never leave you Cagalli. I would be heartbroken as you would be if our baby died but if I ever lost you...well you've seen me when I thought you died."

He held me so close that night that I was stiff in the morning. The week progressed like the first day minus my hormone freak out. Shani would come every day at the end of his training and walk me around the halls. The walks were never too long and we didn't talk about things that upset him or scarred me.

It was nice to have someone to talk with and our walks and conversations became longer as the week ended. It was on a Friday I think when one of conversations took a weird turn of events.

"So I yelled at Athrun and my hormones showed there ugly head." I confessed to him as we went on with our routine walk.

"And he fell on the floor!" That was when Shani laughed. It through me off because I had never seen Shani show his happier emotions and I wasn't expecting laughter.

It turns out that Shani wasn't expecting laughter either. He covered his mouth and looked at me with confusion.

"I have never laughed like that before. I only laugh when things are being destroyed. This is a totally different thing to laugh about." He stopped walking and leaned against a window.

We had never walked this far before and it suddenly occurred to me that I had no idea where I was and I don't think I can find my way back to my room. This made me a bit frantic and I started to look around for something or some way to get back. Had Shani lead me to a place so he could hurt me? My mind started to wander and I thought back to Zaft and what the people had done to me.

"Are you ok Cagalli?" Shani asked me as reality came back to me.

"Sorry, I'm just having a moment. Do you think you could take me back to my room?" I asked him hoping he had no ulterior motives.

"Sure. I wouldn't want him to get mad." He walked out the way we came in and I felt so relieved that he wasn't going to get mad or do anything to me.

We walked the 10 minutes back to my room but not without one small problem when we got back.

ATHRUN was waiting

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So how far did I get during my week off? I didn't even turn on my computer! I have one and a half chapters more done. SO basically, if I finish all my homework, assignments and studying, I will then continue writing. I'm also in a horrible mood today so I won't say anything else other then thank you for your time and feel free to write a comment, have a little chat with me about what ever, or just encourage me to write more.

Evilace (Smile cause tomorrow is gonna be worse)


	20. just a walk

I want to protect you but I can't (Son of a Flay, I can't believe it! Part 20!)

Here take it! Sorry it's late...wait, it's not like I'm on a schedule or anything...it still took a long time, sorry!

Disclaimer: evilace checks pockets yep...still poor which mean I still don't own anything. I would however like to claim the phrase Son of a Flay! It's kinda my special spare word (its worst then actually saying bitch and it's the only time I say that despicable girls name)

!!Athrun's POV!!

What the hell is he doing with her!

He was walking with Cagalli down the hall in a direction Cagalli had never needed to travel in the first place. I had gotten off work a little early and came back to find him and Cagalli walking and talking happily in the direction of our room.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!" I yelled at the Shani boy as they approached me.

"Cagalli come here." I grabbed her arm lightly and ushered her into our room. Her face was surprised and looked interested as to why I was yelling. She was too innocent to realize that Shani was trying get to her and I don't even know the whole reason behind his actions.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked when I knew Cagalli was safe in the room.

"Nothing. I suppose your wife hasn't told you that every evening we go for a walk before you get home. She must not trust you as much as she likes to be with me." Shani was being so smug with me I wanted to punch the crap out of him so, I did.

"ATHRUN STOP" Cagalli yelled behind me.

Shani was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall as he held his cheek in his hand.

"You'll regret that." Shani told me as he walked away looking at Cagalli one last time and smiling like he accomplished something.

I turned to Cagalli who was leaning against the door way on the verge of tears.

"Why did you hit him?" She beat me to the first line.

"Wait, before you yell at me, did he hurt you?"

"Of course not Athrun. He was just being nice to me. He has been nice to me all week."

"You mean he was telling the truth?" That guy, the same one who came in after Cagalli got out of the hospital and assaulted her?



"He would come and walk with me for 15 minutes or so. I had nothing else to do and it was keeping the peace. I don't want to create any trouble for you and...he ...he was trying to be nice."

"Don't you realize that that Kid is trying to move in on you?" She is too beautiful and innocent for her own good.

She turned away with tears in her eyes and walked quickly into the room.

"Why didn't you tell me about it, don't you trust me not to get upset or listen to how I feel about you walking around with some other guy who has a history of hurting you?"

"I'm sorry. I..I" She dropped to the floor pretty quickly and I rushed to her side.

"Take it easy, I'm not mad at you." I was checking her over and rubbing her back in the process.

"I don't feel so well."

"Don't do this to me again Cagalli. I can't take it anymore." I was at my wits end, I mean she was getting better and doing well considering our circumstances and now I caused her more problems by starting a fight she had been trying to prevent.

"Do you promise you won't...nnh...be mad...no matter what?" She asked between whimpers of pain.

"I'm never mad at you. Tell me what it is, I promise if that's what you want me to say."

Cagalli brought her hands back up so that I could see them. Then had been under her legs and where covered in blood.

"NO, not again!" I said moving and lifting her carefully up.

"We...we can't go to the hospital-l..remember..." She said rapping her blood covered hands around my neck as to be careful not to actually touch the material, her tiny wrists connected to each other to hold her up.

I moved to the bed and placed her down. I ran over to the closet and got out a change of clothes, a bunch of towels and then to the bathroom to get some water. Returning to Cagalli's side she gave me a weak smile.

"I feel a bit better, I just needed to calm...nnh...down. I think having you by my side makes all the d-difference."

Cagalli was still bleeding and I had no medicine left from last time. Thoughts kept going through my head as I sat back in the chair, watching Cagalli breath slowly then quickly in her painful sleep. Was she going to be all right, was Coveu? Why does this always keep happening to us?



Deep down I knew it was a lot to do with me and the way I get too over protective of Cagalli. The past has taught me to never let go of her and take out anyone who'd threatening her. Cagalli was so strong but what others have done to her have made her so careful, fearful and stressed.

"So you did it again?" He said from the door I heard open a half a minute ago but didn't care who it was, I was watching Cagalli breath which in my book is way more important.

"I apologize for earlier. " I said reluctantly. I couldn't have any sort of coral with him, especially with Cagalli in this sort of condition.

"I don't care for your apologies; all I want to know is why you keep hurting her? You know it would be better for her to be with me. "Shani said stepping closer to me till he was standing right behind me.

"Answer me Coordinator!" I turned my head in otter shock as he looked at me with a static face.

"You know nothing, get out." I told him, standing up from my seat.

"I know you're a Coordinator Athrun Zala of Zaft. Once in battle I heard Athrun Zala's voice over a com-link but it was yelling orders. When you lived in the dark like I have for so long, you start remembering sounds and voices like you would remember a picture or face. I wasn't quite sure at the beginning but after the fight we just had, I'm a 100 positive that you are Athrun Zala. Not to mention you didn't change your first name." I was stunned and couldn't do much more then watch him make his way over to the bed.

He sat down on the dull edge of our wool blanket and stroked Cagalli's sleeping face. He moved his hand down to her stomach and placed it there. "I could tell the General and I bet he'd have you executed in a heartbeat for all the war crimes Zaft had committed. The problem however is right here." He started to stroke my wife's stomach but I didn't move. He had way too much power now, I have to listen and come up with a strategy later.

"If I were to tell my superiors that you are a Coordinator then they could now that Cagalli's child is also a Coordinator, thus Cagalli and the unborn would die as well." I clenched my fists as he talked.

He moved his hand up to Cagalli's head again and traced her lips with his finger before looking at me again. "Before we discuss what has to happen for me to keep quiet, I think we should take care of this."

I looked at the blankets that had blood seeping into them.

"Please help her." I finally said even though it sounded pathetic, I needed to protect Cagalli and my son first before my pride.

"My first request or demand, whatever makes you sleep better at night is...I want you to allow her to stay in my bed. I share a room with other guys so I won't do anything to her while she's there. All I want to do for the time being is have her sleep in the same bed as me."



This guy was a sicko!

"Just as long as NOTHING happens and I want to sleep on the floor to make sure of it!" I told him and he seemed a bit reluctant.

"Deal," he finally said but then added "because I want Cagalli to be awake when we discuss the other parts of the deal." Shani moved him arms under her and lifted her, cradling her in his arms like I would. "I think I'll carry her this time. You stay here. It'll look better if you don't know and I can make up some story about walking with her and she collapsed."

Cagalli's eyes opened very slowly to look upon Shani's face. She seemed out. "Athrun? Where..." She looked over to me and reached with her pale white arm.

"I'm sorry." I told her as Shani walked away with her, ignoring her struggles and whimpers as she moved into the wrong position.

Please Cagalli, stop struggling and take care of yourself. As the doors closed I sat down on the bed Cagalli was just taken from and covered my face with my hand. What are we gonna do I wondered trying to control all the extremes of emotions I was feeling at the moment.

!!Cagalli's POV!!

"Please Shani. Let Athrun take me." I tried to get him to listen to me as my body screamed in pain.

"I've got you, don't worry any more Cagalli. Athrun can't hurt you while I'm here."

"What..ahh...are you talking about? ATHRUN!" I yelled backwards.

"PLEASE, ATHRUN!!"

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Ok I know what you're thinking! It's kind of short, I know. I am REALLY far behind. I will go as fast as I can but just to let you know, I completed TWO, count them TWO assignments today (each worth 20 of my FINAL grade) I have two more essays to do and next week is exam week in all my classes! Let's not forget my first test is Anatomy doom

This week I also had to go to a college I applied to, to write a pre-administration test (45 to take it) ONLY to find out later that day that I got into my first choice college and wrote my second choice college test for nothing (still excited about getting in to my first choice).

So hold tight! I'll update soon

Evilace


	21. happy when skies are grey

I want to protect you but I can't (part 21)

**IMPORTANT!!**

**I NO LONGER HAVE INTERNET ON MY LAPTOP! **

**This means that I can't update as much as I'd like to due to my brother HOGGING our home computer.**

"**I have homework" is his excuse and he stays on forever. **

**PLUS I have a co-op that makes me wake up at 6:30am and work hard till 4:00pm when I drive home and quite frankly go to bed **

!!Cagalli!!

I remember someone singing to me. Yes, someone was singing me a lullaby.

I think I remember the words to this particular lullaby and I think I know who's singing to me.

Athrun...

I go over the words with him because I need something to hold on to, something that will remind me what I'm fighting for and what to look forward to in the future.

I think the song also reminds me of what it was like in the past when this simple song's only purpose was to lull children to sleep.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are grey.

You never know dear how much I love you.

So please don't take my sunshine away.

In hind sight, maybe this song isn't the best song to sing. I don't want anyone to take the sunshine out of my life.

Did I really listen to this song as a child? I don't remember thinking about the meaning of it as I fell asleep. I just remember the sunshine part.

I want to see Athrun right now. For some reason I can't open my eyes no matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much I wanted to hold his hand I can't seem to get my muscles to listen to me. I wanted to say something to him to assure him that we would pull through and that it would all work out for us.

We deserve it damn it.

Athrun works so hard and has gone through so much to keep us safe. He shouldn't have to keep working and worrying like he does.

I feel myself not regretting anything even though I think it could have gone better. I used to regret things but later found them to provide so much opportunity. I met Athrun and even Kira and regretted it at the time. I don't regret anymore and I've slowly but surely stopped mourning.

I miss loved one's presence and there words and actions but I don't mourn them anymore.

It was when I thought that I was going to die that I realized that I can't think about the happiness others lost in death but my own in mourning them.

I will always remember.

Remember, remember those who have fought. Remember; remember thought who might have been forgot.

You are my sunshine my only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are grey.

You never know dear, how much I love you.

So please don't take my sunshine away.

"Athrun."

I opened my eyes and looked upon his tired, despite face. I looked into his eyes and found a little of what I was looking for. Hope.

"Good morning, you scared me half to death." He said while kissing my hand and pressing it against his face.

"Is everything ok...where are we?" I looked around and noticed we were in a room with two other beds all covered in white sheets to match the walls.

This room is like an insane asylum with white everything. Hospitals don't have this much white. I don't know which I would have preferred, our grey prison room or this one. Grey is depressing but white will drive you crazy. (Evilace: My residence walls are white and grey so you can imagine how much a Bleach or Host Club poster helps!)

"We're in Shani's room. You gave us a little scare and Shani took you to his doctor and he helped you. You're been asleep for a while now."

"How long and is he..."

"You've been asleep for three weeks or so and yes, everyone is ok(for those keeping track, this brings Cagalli's pregnancy to just under 8 months). You were just stressed and tired like always."

"Why are we here and not our room? This isn't a hospital."

"We're in Shani, Clotho and Orga's room. It's easier for the doctor to check on you quickly after the other three. It also keeps this from the records." Athrun finished just in time for the doors to open and the three mentioned to enter.

"So she's awake?" Clotho asked before walking up to me, moving Athrun out of the way in the process. Surprisingly, Athrun didn't resist but was never the less on guard.

Shani and Orga followed and leaned over the other side of the bed, Shani a little closer and invading my personal bubble.

"Are you feeling any better?" He asked me.

"A little," I answer a little standoffish "I just woke up so I' m hungry."

"The doctor will be here shortly and we'll have him check you over before removing some tubes and IV's before you have anything to eat." Athrun said.

"Alright. Athrun, after he says its ok can we go back to our room?" I looked around at all the faced and realised something was wrong.

"I'm thankful for everything you're done for me Shani, Clotho and Orga so please don't be mad that I want to go back to my room." Athrun wasn't looking at me.

"Well...Clotho and I are just going to...get some food; we'll be back after the doctor checks over the girl." Orga walked over to Clotho and half dragged him out of the room. "Come on Clotho." "Fine I'm coming."

Athrun looked into my eyes and kept stroking my hand. The thing I hated most was not being able to read his face which it what's happening right now. His face showed a calm expression, one someone might have if they knew that the inevitable was coming and they had enough time to except it.

Shani's face however, looked pleased and not just a little excited to let me in on what was happening. As if a decision was made and I had no say in the matter...I hate that.

"Let me tell her." Athrun said looking away from me and at Shani. "But let me tell her after the doctor has left, remember, you promised." Athrun finished. Promise?

"What did you promise?" I asked Athrun sitting up a bit to get a better look at him.

"Don't over stress yourself." Shani said, acting as if he were Athrun. He then grabbed hold of my hand and started to stroke it like Athrun had been doing for the last five minutes.

I tensed up. What was he doing touching me?

"Athrun?" I said quickly turning to him, pleading with my eyes to make Shani stop. Athrun hadn't liked Shani getting close to me from the start, surely this counts as getting a little closer.

"He won't do anything." Shani almost sang as he moved himself off his chair. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and laid him head beside mine on the pillow. His body was turned towards me and he had draped him left arm over my stomach.

"..no.." I looked at Athrun once more but he was looking away.

Not once had Athrun loosen his grip on my hand. He was there for me and trying to protect me but why this way.

Shani started to sing an unusual version of the song Athrun was previously singing to me.

I was tense and so was Athrun. All I knew was that something was wrong with this picture and in order to remain calm I had to just trust Athrun and wait for what was to come.

...Clotho...

I don't know when it happened but for some reason, I liked having extra people in my room. I guess you could say it all started while I was in that _bad place_.

I've always had extra people in my room but that was different, that was back then. Everyone felt like a family member in our little rooms. Sure we would kill each other but that was surviving. It was so sick! We would have such a desperate relationship with someone you might have called older brother or maybe a substitute Mother but later on when you were ordered to kill them, you would.

At times it would make me sick to my stomach just to think about it but other times, I would think about if someone I considered a younger sibling killed me, would I be angry? I don't really know the answer to that but I do know one thing. If I were to have died, I wouldn't have changed the way I acted towards my make believe family.

Moving in with Shani and Orga was different, it was distant and not a family at all. I was different too so I can't really blame them entirely.

Then Shani brought _them _into our room.

I was actually scarred at first.

Athrun loved Cagalli so devoting and then the baby. That floored me. I suddenly saw a Mother in her and I almost felt my heart break. I wanted a Mother so badly but I would never get one. She wouldn't want to be my Mother. She will have her own baby and love it so much.

Cagalli and Athrun will love their baby and love each other, never letting go.

A researcher once told me that there are only a few people that are truly, star crossed lover and if I were to ever find one, it would be a miracle. I can't even remember why the researcher told me this or what I asked to get this answer. All I remembered was the answer.

Orga and I walked silently, giving the trio time to talk.

I didn't like what Shani was doing. He wanted what Athrun and Cagalli had and he was going to take it.

I wondered quietly, "Can star crossed lovers ever get separated?"

"Romeo and Juliet." Orga said beside me in the same ton of voice I asked the question.

"Who?"

"They were star crossed lover that were separated by fate." Orga answered a little bit louder as I stopped walking and stared at his distancing back. I ran to catch up a little.

"What's fate?" I asked.

"I don't know, but if it has anything to do with love, I don't want it!"

"Why not? You've been in love before, wasn't it great?"

"It hurts when it's gone. Just watch Shani, you'll see." Orga said in a whisper as he stopped in front of a slightly a jarred door.

We both slowed our breathing so we could hear the conversation inside the room.

"...So that would mean that the baby is a coordinator too..." Ok that was Azreal.

"I know I was supposed to tell you but I couldn't be sure until I got these blood tests I ran back." The doctor was such a rat.

"We won't do anything yet we'll wait for a couple weeks them we'll..." Oh crap he was getting further away from the door.

"..Use them to make him fight..." The doctor yelled all I needed to hear before the whole conversation died out. I had to tell them!

Orga turned to me and looked me straight in the eye telling me not to say a word. We never agree...this wouldn't be any different.

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OK so if you haven't read my important message at the top...READ IT cause you'll understand why I'm going to bed RIGHT NOW!! Till next time:)

Evilace


	22. where's this all going

I want to protect you but I can't (part 22)

!!Athrun pov!!

"OK, are we ready to get these tubes out?" The doctor came back before Clotho and Orga did which was fine by me, the room gets over crowded with everyone anyways.

"Yes please." Cagalli was sitting up slightly and I was still holding her hand. The doctor asked Shani to move because he was in his way. I was more than thrilled to have time leave Cagalli's side.

"Ok anyone in here who is not pregnant, please leave the room." Ok that just turned around on me.

"Can't I stay, I am the Father." I argued not letting go.

"If he stays, I'm staying!" Shani said from behind the doctors back.

"None of you are stay so leave before you stress her out again, the both of you go take a walk." And with that Cagalli gave my hand a final squeeze and a light kiss before I left the room, Shani right in front of me.

We both sat across from the room we just left.

In utter silence we stared at one spot on the floor, refusing to even raise our eyes and look at each other. It wouldn't last for long however, I had things to say to him while we were totally alone. No Clotho, Orga doctor or sleeping Cagalli.

"Listen..." I started off.

"Not like I want to." He said under his breath.

"For Cagalli's sake, would you just listen to me?" I was almost at my ends but I still had to accomplish an understanding before Shani destroys what little strength Cagalli has left in her.

"What do you want to say?" Shani said and for once he actually looked me in the eyes like I had his full attention.

"This...what happened to Cagalli does not happen again." I watched his eyes carefully as to read how much he understood. I continued.

"If this happens again, it'll kill her. You AND I are both at fault for what has happened to her."

"..."

"Yet she WILL blame herself and I...we both know that isn't true in the slightest." I pushed a little bit off the wall so that I was standing.

"Whatever you have to tell Cagalli or whatever you have planned for her I won't let you do it because I AM her one and only among many other things."I turned my head for the next part. "I have already agreed to let Cagalli stay in your bed as you have helped her this time. Not to mention it's probably more comfortable then the bed back in our room." I was surprised Shani kept his mouth shut this long but I didn't have to wait too much longer. But before he did open his trap, "I also want to tell her our deal...ALONE. It'll make her less stressed."

"Do as you like for now but know this, I still have a second part to our deal and even if I do give you time with her, I will STILL get my way in the end."

!!Cagalli pov!!

The tubes had finally been removed and it felt great. In the short time that I had been conscious and realized I was all hooked up, I wanted to get de-hooked as soon as possible. The doctor looked at a chart he was holding and quickly jotted down something in messy hand writing.

I wanted Athrun to return to the room since I lost a week of time with him; no doubt he was thankful that I was getting enough sleep. Maybe I shouldn't think that, he looked so exhausted when I woke up and relieved at the same time.

The only reason I didn't want Athrun to return is that Shani would return too.

"I have to take a few more blood samples if you don't mind Mrs. Dino, but first maybe you'd like to take a shower?" The Doctor said as he took a seat on the nearby stool and continued to write notes. What is he writing I wondered but didn't question because the idea of a shower was just to inviting.

Stepping into the shower, I felt my stomach for the first time in three months. I had gotten a bit bigger...I at least look like I'm 6 or so months pregnant, but still really small.

I felt the baby kick and I was so pleased. Oh there it is again! Athrun has to feel this, Coveu is all right, and I didn't kill him.

I stayed in the shower for another good 15 minutes, hoping I would feel him kick again but nothing happened. Stepping out of the shower, I dried off and placed my wet hair up into a messy bun with the flower clips left there for me and let my bangs fall free. I was also given some more clothes to be and I accepted them even though they were a more covered up version of a white patient gown. He also gave me fresh underwear with a pair of shorts due to the gowns short length and I didn't complain.

I got out of the shower and found the room just as I left it. At my re-entrance, the doctor stood up and motioned for me to lie down again. I did as he said because I was feeling light headed from all the heat in the shower.

"Feel any better?" He asked.

"Yes..I do. Can my husband come back in?" I asked as he made his was over to a drawer.

"In a couple of minutes he can, I mean he'll bring everyone in if he comes back." The Doctor said and I agreed.

He turned around with a couple of needled and tubes. I hope he has some anti-nauseating medication for me cause I was starting to feel a little woozy, or maybe I was just hungry, you never know until you eat and feel better or eat and through up.

"Now just lie still for a moment, I'm going to take a blood sample, then you'll be all done." The doctor places the needle onto the syringe and I placed my arm palms up on the bed for him to grab.

To my horror, he lifts up my shirt enough to reveal my stomach and traces his hand over an area like he's marking it.

"WAIT!" I yelled so only the occupants in the room could hear. I sat up and placed my shirt over my stomach. The doctor looked surprised.

"I'm just taking some blood samples Mrs. Dino, so please calm down." The doctor put down the needle and moved his hands to hold down my arms.

"My babies? NO! Don't you touch us!" I said struggling free and making my way into the bathroom.

The doctor caught me and held up as best he could before I crumbled to the ground. His hands held my arms as I hung my head and sobbed, "Let me go"

"It's in your best interest along with your babies, that I do this so please stop resisting." He then started lifting me since I wasn't very heavy, even being almost 8 months pregnant.

I inhaled oxygen into my lungs and let it all out in one big, "ATHRUN!!"

Not three second later did Athrun appear.

The doctor backed away from me, dropping my arms as Clotho, Shani and Orga surrounded him, not looking too happy.

"I didn't mean anything by it." The doctor said as he pleaded with the other guys in the room.

"Athrun, he tried to stick a needle into Coveu through my stomach. Dent let him do it. Please, even if the doctor is right, don't let him do it!" I was in hysterics by then and felt my vision blur. I buried my face in Athrun's shirt as he gently rocked me in his arms.

"It's alright now Cagalli, just calm down and go to sleep again." I heard the door close and people leave the room.

Athrun picked me up and put me back on the bed with the warm covers tucked around me.

I felt him move onto the other side of the bed and rap his arm in between my chest and my stomach.

I felt the gentle breathing on my neck and his body press against me as I turned to the side.

The person in the bed was NOT Athrun.

Using the little strength I had I said. "No...Athrun where are you?"

I opened my eyes for a brief moment to find Athrun sitting beside my bed and reaching forward to hold my hand.

!!Athrun pov!!

Holding Cagalli's hand, I saw her eye lids close as sleep finally over look her. Reaching to my side I grabbed a water bottle that was relatively cold since I had gotten it out a couple hours earlier and the rooms were always kept so cold.

I took a couple of drops onto my index and middle fingers and smoothed the moisture over Cagalli's parched lips.

I looked to her side in anger as an arm hung over Cagalli's body. I heard his low laugh from behind her body and I felt like I let down Cagalli along with intense loathing of the person sharing his bed with her.

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This chapter has been sitting on my laptop for weeks and I wanted to get in up before anime north so here it is. I'm very excited but I still have to pack. I'm a very light packer so I'm only bringing a small duffle bag. My friends like to bring those rolling suitcases but I happen to hate them (sorry to anyone who uses them). Anyways please tell me what you think...I was going to ask for help because I didn't know where to go from here but about a week and a half ago, I got an idea and I know what I'm gonna do, I just have to write it. Thanks again for reading.

Evilace


	23. North Star

I want to protect you but I can't (part 23)

Disclaimer: I now own bills for the upcoming College year and yep, still no Bandai!

!!Cagalli's POV!!

My body had certain stiffness to it that I just couldn't shake.

My neck felt out of place, my lower back had ten bricks pushing against it no matter how I was lying or standing, and my legs were tight as if I had been stretching them all night.

Not that I got any sleep at night. I couldn't sleep at night, not with Shani beside me. Especially when his arm is draped over me or when he gets up close behind me.

If I were to blame myself for what's happened, it won't make it go away so I've tried my best to live with it though it kills me to see Athrun react to how close Shani gets to me. He knows I hate it and he knows he was the one who made the deal.

"You look horrible." I was interrupted from my thoughts and looked up to see Athrun.

"So do you." I replied.

It was later at night and I had been 'resting' throughout the day. I couldn't sleep at night and I was too sore to sleep during the day so I wouldn't exactly call it resting.

My new roommates and Athrun had gone off to work and I was left to rest. As much as I loved Shani leaving, I hated seeing Athrun leave so quick and without many words. What he does do however, is very sweet.

_!!Earlier that day, still Cagalli's POV!!_

_Shani swung his legs over the bed and hosted himself up. _

'_He seems happy and well rested.' I thought bitterly as I heard him get ready for another day. _

_Clotho groggily made his way over to the light command button by the door and Orga muttered something intelligible as he covered his head with his pillow. _

_I was still lying on the bed with my eyes wide open as if I had never went to bed in the first place when Athrun sat up and turned to me._

_He didn't say anything to me, only brushed some hair out of my face and stroked my cheek before he quickly got up and changed himself. _

_They all seemed to finish at the same time and without anything holding them back, Clotho and Orga left without saying a word._

_By then I had moved to a sitting position on the edge of the bed and was watching Athrun collect all his cards and keys he'd need throughout the day. _

"_Don't go too far." I heard right in my left ear as Shani leaned closer to me and stroked my lower lip with his index finger. I wasn't expecting it but I wasn't shocked either; he just does it too much. _

"_...don't do that..." I said even though he never listens._

"_Stop being so difficult." He said and I saw his eyes narrow at the corner of my eye. I still had the mark from yesterday when he slapped me across the cheek. I'll never forget the look on Athrun's face as he got into a fight with Shani knowing he would have to summit in the end. _

"_It's just...your fingers are cold." As the lie came out of my mouth the words got progressively quieter. _

"_See you later then." He believed me easily since I had grown more afraid of him each day. He kissed my temple and stood at the door just singing a show tune (evilace: Not literally a show tune, but he's just happy) waiting for Athrun to follow. He never left us alone in the same room._

_Athrun walked over to me and kneeled down on the floor. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and I brought my hands behind his head and tangled my fingers in his hair, lowering my head to kiss his hair. _

_He placed his ear on my belly for a couple of seconds then lifted his head to kiss both my stomach and then to my lips for just another couple seconds. _

_The whole thing lasted seven Shani foot taps on the floor. It was too short and both Athrun and I wanted more._

"_Get something to eat." He whispered before leaving, a slightly more pissed Shani in tow._

!!Back to present!!

Athrun was still looking at me as I slowly got into a sitting position on the bed. I focused on his hands the entire time I struggled to sit up and noticed how white his knuckles were.

"Shani, isn't back yet...do you mind...ahh?" Athrun wasn't even listening to me but in a matter of moments he was there; with his arms around me and I was standing in his embrace.

"How are you doing, are you sore anywhere?" Athrun held me a little way from his face and scanned be up and down and then rested his hand on my cheek.

"I'm sorry I let him hit you. I wanted to...I just couldn't..." Athrun looked away from me for a moment before changing the subject.

"Cagalli, how would you like to take a walk with me, I'm sure it'll stretch out your muscles in your legs." He said.



"Well, Shani might come home early...I...I don't want to make it harder for you. He might get mad at me and then...I just can't stand it when you look so defeated when you can't do anything about it." I said hysterically.

"Shani's on a two hour Sortee which is why I got off my shift early, I don't want you to stay here a second longer." I found myself being pulled to the door.

"Athrun? We can't go too far...where are we going?" I said when we started to pick up speed in a certain direction.

"Please Athrun, _he_ will be so mad." I said when the door to our old room opened.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I've been planning something since yesterday and I don't want the baby to arrive yet."

He stopped and turned to me just as the door closed behind us, leaving only the small half dead light in our room to illuminate the area.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this when you're so sore and tired but if we don't, I can't promise Shani won't hurt you." Athrun pulled out my old sweater and a coat for me to put on. He did the same and swung a small back pack over his shoulder.

"Don't worry."Athrun said as I held his hand.

We weaved though halls and corridors until I had no idea which direction we were going. Athrun ducked us around cameras and guards and through stairs and elevators. By the time we reached the launching deck and battle/training area, I had sore feet to add to my list.

"We're here, stay quiet and keep your head down." Athrun whispered to me and I nodded in agreement before keeping my head completely down.

It wasn't like the sky was important to look at. I had been stuck down under ground for how many months and nothing had changed. The Earth had given up on itself and sun abandoned it. Didn't the sun know that there were still things on this planet that needed it?

"Athrun? Can I ask you something?" I said quietly.

"What's wrong, are you feeling ok?" He said louder than I had which might have meant he was closer to me than I thought.

"No, no...Everything's a little painful but that's what it was like this morning. I had another important question for you." I said matching his volume.

"Then shoot." He encouraged me on.

"Do you ever come up here at night?" I dared a peek out of the corner of my eyes.



He wasn't looking at me but all around us, constantly on guard.

"Not really but sometimes when we get a fresh shipment I come up to inspect and retrieve it. Other than that I never come out, but rush back to the room to see you." He saw me looking at him and I looked away, back to the ground.

"Did you ever see the moon? Or maybe just the stars?" I brought my sight back up and kept eye contact.

"It was very cloudy most of the nights. It's almost always pitched black."

'The sky is bleak.' I thought.

"One time I did see the North Star. It was just over the horizon on a late shift. Very early, just as it was breaking dawn." Athrun seemed to get my whole question and its real meaning so I didn't know whether to trust him or not about the whole guiding star sighting.

A conversation was getting louder in the distance as Athrun and I kept walking. I heard more and more people walking and talking to one another and more noises I hadn't noticed before. A lot of moving parts and machines where distracting workers form what or whom might be escaping. I guess in a weird way, escaping would mean killing yourself but who knows unless you try.

Athrun's grip tightened on me as we slowed down quite a bit.

I then realized that the two people having the conversation in the back ground became very quiet and were gaining speed on us, following us.

"Well, well, well, I don't think Shani will approve of this little walk, what do you think Clotho?"

"I don't know but I don't want him taking her away from our family, do you Orga?!"

!!Athruns POV from yesterday!!

Work keeps my mind from melting. Even if we didn't have a chance in hell of winning, I still think the monotonous routine of the day keeps everyone form thinking of the future and how nothing will ever work out in the end.

My mind drifts back to Cagalli.

I keep working.

"Beep beep beep." UGH, stupid machines. There are still incoming signals form Zaft, EA, orb and what not still lingering in the air waves. There are even some new ones that are all in code.

987846392 Appears on the screen of the Zaft mobile armour I am currently working on.

"I should really set these machines to mute before I even start to fi... wait a minute!" Those numbers mean something to me. The numbers 987846392 were my old Cadet numbers back in the old days.



"Beep, beep, beep." What came next were the numbers 987846002 and then 987846013.

"Yzak? Dearka?" This is unreal.

I typed in the final number that I thought would confirm that it was in fact me. I pressed the numbers 987846487, Nicole's old number.

Then the screen lit up with a slew of numbers that could be linked back to Nicole's numeral decoding assignment back in training. If anyone was looking for my signature, they'd only find a dead pilot's old school work.

Translated, it read...

"You ass, did you make it?" No names I see.

"Yes and no. All three of us are alive but are in danger." I responded.

"No doubt your fault in the first place I bet." Ouch, Yzak knew where to wound you the most. Yzak continued.

"Do you know the status of the war?" It's only been a few months since I left, what could have possibly happened.

"No." I replied.

"It's not good. Some rebel EA's took nuclear attacks to a whole new level with some new weapons." There was a pause before the rest came.

"I guess Zaft shouldn't have planned there battle strategy in a giant wave."

"So who's winning?" I asked.

"The cockroaches." Maybe I was talking to Dearka now. "Both sides are VERY damaged, it's not looking good for humanity or coordinatoranity or what have you."

"What happens now?" I asked.

"Don't know, the Earth is basically dying. There's nowhere to run and nowhere to hide on Earth; Zaft isn't gonna want any of us either after what we did." There was another pause.

"What did _you _do?" Did my Father find out he helped Cagalli and I escape?

"Let's not get into details right know...the duel and the buster want to know if you'd like to join our plan, if you don't already have one in place?"

A plan sounded pretty good about now. It was easy enough to escape but what I wanted to know was where to go. The mountains surrounding the area and the cold harsh environment didn't leave much to ponder for long. Add on top of that a very pregnant and ill girl.



"What do you have in mind?"

After about 15 minutes we had our plan in concrete and all I had to do was get Cagalli to the nearest and safest mode of transportation. Simple enough but the biggest problem lies in three people. Two can be dealt with easily since they had no interest or very little interest in Cagalli. The other on the other hand could be a problem. Would he follow us? Would I have to kill him first before he can find us?

If we did try to escape and got caught, the worst possibility would be Shani killing me but ever since this morning, I changed my way of thinking. Shani had slapped her. I watched in pure rage as Cagalli was hurt and then I watched her become even more stressed and upset then she had been all the time she's been forced to obey Shani.

The looks in Shani's eyes during and after her punishment were livid. He wanted nothing short of absolute compliance and instant love. He wanted everything I had and he was going to make it happen. That's when I tackled him and look my defeat as I could do nothing about our situation but make Cagalli even more upset.

As I was kneeling on the floor taking my defeat, Cagalli tried to get to me wanting nothing more than to receive comfort but Shani wouldn't let her. Instead he tossed her on the bed close by and watched her sob into a pillow.

!!Cagalli POV current situation with Clotho and Orga!!

We've been caught.

"You have nothing to gain here Clotho and Orga," Athrun said pulling me behind his back as we stood in the middle of an outdoor launch pad. We had made it to an outer launch area where there were no people around but the recently landed mobile suits belonging to Clotho and Orga. "Leave before I have to kill you."

"Oh, but we do have someone to gain and she's standing right behind you. " Orga said slowly circling around.

"But..." Clotho continued as be approached us head on, mind you at a slow pace. "We don't think she's happy at all with us."

"Yep, and when she's not happy, she looks like she'll fall asleep and not wake up." Orga continued in Clotho's train of thought.

I stepped out from behind Athrun and made my way to Clotho who was just in front of us. Athrun reached out for me but I was ahead of him and Orga was standing close, ready for anything.

I needed to convince them to let us go. Shani was unintentionally killing me and Athrun knew it. Everyone BUT Shani knew it.



"I need Athrun. He'll make sure nothing happens to me and our baby. Please Clotho," I stepped closer to him and lifted my hands parallel to the ground in a pleading manner. "Please don't kill us. When you hurt Athrun you hurt me and if you kill him, I would die as well. I don't want my baby to die with me, I know I'll be happy where ever Athrun is but I couldn't stand if I killed our child with my heart break."

Clotho's face was blank as I said my last plea and as for Orga, I couldn't see him. I thought Clotho would understand and have compassion before Orga or Shani would. He seemed like deep down in his heart he didn't really want to hurt anyone.

"I can't just let you go no matter how much I don't want you to get hurt," He grabbed the top of my out stretched arms. "why can't you just be happy with Shani," he tightened his grip and shook me with every syllable, "you know he loves you too."

"You're hurting me Clotho, stop." He didn't let go.

"If that guy," he changed his stare to Athrun and intensified it "really loved you, he'd let you go and then you'd be happy with Shani."

"But I don't love Shani. STOP, PLEASE..." My head felt rather hot and I started to lose my balance. I leaned into Clotho for stability before I got a bad case of vertigo.

"That's enough, Clotho, Orga." Athrun stepped in and took me up into his arms. Orga was right behind him.

"You can shoot me if you want to but I'm taking Cagalli away from here."

"We won't forget this or anything that has happened here today." Clotho whispered to Athrun byt I could still hear it.

I watch as Orga came and stood beside Clotho as Athrun took me away. I couldn't tell whether or not they would tell Shani and all three of them would come after us and shoot us down. I wasn't too worried though because Athrun is an amazing pilot and even if the situation back there got really ugly; I know he would have won.

"Where...no...I mean what do we do now?" I asked.

"Your friend Miriallia asked about you."

"What." Miriallia...I hadn't heard her name for months.

"We're going to an abandoned colony. We have to travel to space but most of the colonies have ample supplies. Zaft has forgotten about them and I'm sure we can live for generations without any problems. Dearka and Yzak will be there too. Shiho too, she's Yzak's girlfriend."

We came to an opening in the side of a mountain where a small plane, probably one Athrun fixed up, was hiding.



"I think a new place will be a nice change. Let's go to a colony. Let's be happy."

"I couldn't agree more."

Four choices.

1. I can do one more chapter with Shani finding them but I can't grantee not killing someone.

2. This can be the last chapter and I can start another story.

3. I can do another chapter and start a new story.

4. You never want to hear from me again.

SO did you like it? I'm sorry it's been a while since I've updated, a couple months actually but I just didn't have my computer or my motivation till I get to school (plus my job and hanging out with friends). My next story would be about Athrun and Cagalli again but I might try some different things like a different time period and maybe a little more mature.

Till you review/respond.

Evilace.


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